But I didn’t care at this moment. I just needed to get away from him before we both did something stupid.
Carter looked confused, and still those butterflies in my stomach wouldn’t ease. He concentrated on my nipples, which were beginning to ache, and I wondered whether it was time that they felt a proper man’s touch.
“I should leave before I say or do something stupid. I’m not ready for this, and neither are you.” His response shook me awake. He was right. We weren’t ready.
“I think that’s the smartest thing you’ve said tonight.” I stood up and stepped out of the tub, dripping water over the white tiled floor, and wrapped myself in a towel.
He grabbed my wrist, stopping me.
“Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why is that the smartest thing?” His brows narrowed in confusion.
I slipped out of his grip and held the dry fabric around me as if it were going to keep me intact – because on the inside, I was beginning to fall apart. I could feel a meltdown coming on, and Carter didn’t need to witness that. “Because I found you drunk and passed out in a frozen field for the sixth time this winter. I’m sure some of those cells in your brain are still frozen, so I’m surprised that your ability to think has thawed.” I couldn’t allow what we both knew we weren’t ready for. I had to push him away. This wasn’t a good time for him… or for me.
“Well, shit, aren’t you a blessing? You’re the one who came onto me, remember that? Next time, don’t touch me unless you’re ready to follow through on your intentions.”
“Fuck you, Carter.”
“I didn’t know that you had a dirty mouth, Molly. For a virgin, you’re pretty fucking crude.”
“Again, fuck you! You think I want to do this? You think I want to drag your sorry ass into this house, of all houses, each time you’re drunk? I’ve had enough drunks in my life, and you don’t know shit! You don’t know what it takes for me to be here, to help you. I think I’ll do everyone a favor when I let your ass freeze out there next time you’re not man enough to deal with life.”
I jerked back, inhaling a sharp breath. I pulled my hand up to my mouth, covering it. My body was trembling with shock. I felt the tears build up in my eyes but I refused to blink. I wouldn’t give him the benefit of seeing me cry. I watched the pain on his face twist at my words and his head fall.
This wasn’t our first fight. In fact, we usually ended our little get-togethers this way. We hurt each other because it was less painful than staying together. Our problem was not seeing the solution that was right in front of us.
Carter stood up, removed his clothes from the dryer where I’d thrown them earlier, got dressed, and left without saying a word. And all I could do was stand there and watch him abandon me again.
No matter how many times I checked the fields, I never saw him drunk and passed out that winter again. Or the next.