Page 75 of Tricky Girls

Margot drifts away, returning a moment later to silently deposit a sheet of paper and a pen.

‘Not your first choice?’ I comment to Aurelie, needing for some reason to bridge the gap between strangers and acquaintances. We’ve got months together in this class.

She flashes me a brief smile. ‘None of this is.’

Weirder and weirder. Who wouldn’twant to attend Hazelhurst?

It’s sort of sad without Elly and Haz though. Certainly a lot more dull.

Halfway through the seminar, I’m wondering why on earth Margot’s course is so sought-after. It’s honestly boring as hell, apart from her brief women in business spiel at the beginning. Maybe the actual course is different. I think people apply more for the placements than the degree itself. Those placements can land you a prestigious career in business and that’s you sorted for life.

That’s not the road I want to go down. I need to create, and not just for profit. Something that will probably come back to bite me on the ass, but the soul wants what the soul wants.

It’s with relief that the seminar wraps up an hour later. I have a whole doc of notes but I doubt I’ll ever revisit them. Maybe I can transfer over to Life Drawing and draw some dicks with Elly.

I follow Aurelie from the classroom, watching where her hair tangles with her bag strap. Small imperfections that make me feel better.

It’s even cloudier now, the air smelling of rain. I’ve got a couple of hours until my last lecture of the day, intending on spending them rotting back at the lodge, with girls who love me for my darker than white heart.

As I turn the corner of the cloister, I catch sight of Aurelie still by the entrance to the building. She’s stood with Margot and another girl I’ve not seen before.Huge. Way larger than Haz in terms of gains, bare arms slashed with tattoos despite the cold. Don’t even care if I’m stereotyping here, that girl isdefinitelya lesbian.

A lesbian with Aurelie though?

I step out the way of foot traffic, feeling pervy as I watch them. Margot retreats into the building, leaving the two of them alone. Aurelie turns on her heel, heading my way. The larger girl only needs to take half a step to catch up. Reaching out, she gives her a shove between her shoulders. Aurelie stumbles but doesn’t otherwise react, her arms folded tight around herself.

I carry on before they reach me, mind back on the lodge and who I’ll hopefully find there…and who I’ll hopefully not.

CHAPTER 19

Nic

My knuckles split, dirt embedding in the skin, the pine branches above showering their needles.

My teeth ache from gritting them as I throw my fist into the tree repeatedly.

Wednesday night and I’m out here doing this again.

Fuck’s sake.

My breath plumes to the sky as I tip my head back, willing the air to cool my cheeks.

It had been warm in the hall, the scent of winter foliage, gravy and champagne fugging the room. All the teams had been there—first, second, third—for our hockey Christmas social.

I thought I could lose her—lose him too—with the amount of people turned out in their festive finery.

No such luck.

They’d been stationed opposite me the whole meal, the rich food turning to lead in my stomach as I watched them laugh and talk and enjoy themselves.

It was like watching a split screen. There was them now, late-teens, grownup, established in their own humanity. And then the past, the weedy kid Tommy had been, letting me be hurt to save his own skin, and Tilda in all her young defiance, the spirit that had been gradually chipped away until there was nothing left but explosive embers.

Embers that had eventually ignited by way of her lie.

I spent time trying to remember if the two had ever met. I don’t think so, a distinct line separating them. The before and the after.

God, if only I could go back to the before.

Clearly it doesn’t exist for her anymore.

---