Page 77 of Restrained

I feel like a child. No one knows about my fear of water. When anyone tried to get me to go swimming, I’d make up some work excuse, and they just accepted it because I’m a known workaholic. He slides open the patio door and turns around to meet my eyes. “I’m right here.” His gaze is serious now, no hint of amusement. “I’m not going anywhere.”

He reaches for me, and I take his hand before we go out onto the patio, hand in hand. We walk to the edge of the pool, and I stare down at the water. I used to love the feeling of wading into the water. It was the one time I could shut out the world.

But when I found out it stole my brother’s life? I hated the very thing I used to love. No matter how insane it seemed.

“I wonder if he suffered. The thought haunts me every day.”

Hayden steps down to the first step in the water but doesn’t say anything.

I stare at the liquid. “I should have saved him.”

“Were you there?”

“None of us were. He was out on a boat with strangers, got drunk and fell off. I wasn’t there.”

He squeezes my hand. “Then forgive yourself. You couldn’t stop it. None of you could have.”

“He hated the water.”

He nods. “But you didn’t.”

I look into his eyes as I take a step into the warm water and feel the tears stinging my eyes. “No. I didn’t.”

“You don’t have to now.” His lips graze mine. “You can love it again and not betray your brother.”

My lips tremble against his as a strangled cry falls from my mouth, and before I know it, we’re waist deep in the water, my feet firmly on the cement ground of the pool. My hand grips the back of his head as his fingers slide through my hair and his body presses against mine, the water surrounding us.

My body is shaking, but I'm in his firm embrace, the sun setting behind us. “You are the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.”

“Hayden...” I take a weak breath in a trembling moment as I fight to stay calm.

I’m not going to drown.

I won’t leave my family.

I won’t leave Hayden.

I can swim.

He brushes my nose with his as his lips press to mine only briefly before looking back into my eyes. “Your bravery is beautiful.”

“I don’t feel brave.”

“You make me brave. That makes you brave.”

I chuckle, “I’m pretty sure you’re the one giving me strength here.”

He smiles into another kiss, soothing me as he speaks against my lips, “I’m only strong because I found you. I was afraid of everything before that. And now I'm not.” I feel his fingers in my hair as our gazes meet again. “I love you, Lola. I don’t know how that happened or why, but I'm not going to be stupid enough to question it.”

Oh my God. Did he just say he loved me?

I stare at him, tears falling as I let him see all my vulnerability in a pool of water. “I never thought I’d be loved. Not like this.”

“You are.” He doesn’t hesitate to say it. My free hand rests over his heart, feeling it thunder underneath.

“So are you.” My lips meet his again. “And I love you so much.”

He kisses me deeply. I'm lost in him, my fear not totally gone but lessening every second I spend with him.

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