Page 136 of Damaged

“Gross, Alana.”

“I’m just speaking the truth.”

“I actually already met with Michael when I was still in New York.”

“You never tell us anything,” says Hailee.

“We didn’t kiss or even hug. It was more of an interview about what it was like living on the boat.”

“And?”

“There are no murders when they’re in international waters. It’s all very boring a lot of the time. It’s a job, after all.”

“A weird one. You really do get into interesting things.”

“Thanks… It just sounds good to get out of New York for a little bit.”

“Tell me about it,” says Hailee. “It was the best thing that happened to me in years.”

Alana and I both look at Hailee. “Was that the fresh air? Or finding the love of your life?” Alana teases.

“Okay, okay. Maybe that. But it’s still nice to have a change of scenery, even if yours is just going to be water. It will make you appreciate the little things.”

“Like dry land,” I say, smiling.

“Sure, like dry land,” Hailee says.

We all go quiet as the sun starts to sink beneath the water. Its beauty needs no words. The sky and sea both flame red. I start to cry, just a tear or two.

Something feels wrong about this course of events. I have money. Independence. An interesting job ahead of me. But it still feels like I’m running. Like I’m twenty-six and clueless with what I want out of life.

I want love.

That much I’m certain of. To have that feeling I had with James every day. To love a smile. A light touch. A voice.

It’s the little things that I like about being in love. Not just the orchestra that crashes in my chest during the big moments. The kisses. The eye contact. The sex.

Love is so much more. It’s everything about a person. And when I think of love, even just the word, I still think of James. I wonder how much longer that will last. I pray not long. That I don’t feel like I should’ve fought harder. Gave him more chances.

“We’re going to miss you, Sophia,” Alana says and pats my knees. “Between my sister and me, Steve is going to be spoiled rotten.”

I smile. “Good. He deserves it.”

“And by the time you get back from this job, Alex and I will be back in New York. It all works out,” Hailee says.

I pinch my tears away before they can notice them. “I know. I just have the jitters a little bit.”

Alana leans against me. “I would be afraid of you if you didn’t.”

We keep staring out at the sea until the sun disappears, and then Hailee sighs and slaps her knees. “So… it’s the last night. Who’s getting drunk?”

Alana’s hand shoots into the air, and she tries to raise my arm to join hers.

I smirk and keep my arm at my side. “I can’t make any guarantees.”

“Come on. Don’t you depart at three p.m.? That’s plenty of time to beat a hangover.”

“Maybe for you. I’m not a pro.”

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