Page 130 of Damaged

We start walking side-by-side towards a paved trail that runs through a park along the St. Lawrence. A little pickup truck with a snowplow and an orange light whirling on top has just plowed it.

It idles nearby, and the sound of its engine is loud enough that there’s no pressure to talk until we pass it and are again engulfed in the snowy silence.

I realize after another minute of walking slowly that Sophia is waiting for me to start talking. “I’m part of this networking club, you could call it. It’s a collaboration of business and government officials. Like if a smoky backroom were a business itself.”

Sophia doesn’t give me any feedback. She stares down at her stockinged feet in her heels. She must be cold, but she shows no emotion whatsoever.

“They wanted to elect me to their board, but first they had to test my loyalty. Make some money off me. The heist… It was all a setup.”

“What?” She flings her head up to look at me.

“I didn’t know a thing about it. I found out the very same night it happened. That’s why I came. That’s why I saved you.”

Her mouth hangs open. I don’t fill the silence with endless apologies. I simply let her take it in and formulate her next thought.

“And you still work with these people? The ones who did this?” Her words burn. They’re an accusation of betrayal.

“Only so I can lead them, yes.”

“Why on earth, James, would you want to do that?”

“It’s that or be ledbythem, Sophia. My business doesn’t let me escape politics. To be in a position with the leverage I need to call the shots is always the smarter option. It gives me power over them instead of the other way around.”

She suddenly stops walking. The wind blows strong at our backs. I’m cold, and Sophia must befreezing,but she still shows no sign of discomfort.

“You know, James. When the gallery was robbed, I told myself it would’ve happened either way. Like maybe that team had been watching the place for years, waiting for the opportunity to rob it. And when the Egyptian artifacts came in, they couldn’t resist. But it was you.”

“What?”

“Everything. It was always you. All this danger I’ve been in… The Russian. The burglars.”

She’s saying what I’ve been thinking. Her life has been worse off with me in it, and all I can think about is the blackmail.

She doesn’t even know it involves her. How could I explain that? I would only prove her point.

“It’s rarely ever been this bad,” I say.

“But it’s been this bad before?” Sophia asks. She smiles while still frowning. A look of disbelief. “You’re saying this kind of shit just happens to you?”

Words start in my throat, but they get stuck there. They’re not good enough. Excuses. Empty promises.

Sophia hiccups an amused chuckle. “Fuck, James. And then there’s how much you work. How’d the blackmailing situation go, by the way?”

“We’ll be alright.”

Sophia turns her head a little sideways. She’s nervous. Confused. “We’ll? Who’s we? And please tell me it’s the company.”

I bite my tongue. “It’s a sex tape. The elevator. That time on the way to dinner at The Beverly.”

Her eyes flash wide in fear.

“It’s not coming out,” I say quickly. “It’s all taken care of.”

“James…” She shakes her head, and her eyes widen. “I can’t take this.”

“Things will change now.”

“How am I supposed to believe that?” She raises her voice. “As long as you’re CEO, as long as you’re running around your boys’ club, things like this are always going to happen. You may play it cool, but I know when you don’t have a handle on things. There’s a shine in your eyes. An uncertainty. You’ve got atell, James, and now if I look hard enough… I can see it every single day.”

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