Page 131 of Damaged

“I’m creating a new position in the company. A president. I’m halving my official duties.”

Sophia pauses. I see something flicker in her eyes. Hope. But then her eyelids lower with melancholy. “James…” She shakes her head tiredly. “It sounds like a half measure.”

“Listen to me, Sophia. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. There’s nothing I won’t do.”

“But there is.” Sophia’s voice is nearing a shout. “You’re late all the time, James. You’re canceling all the time. It’s not just the danger; it’s your business that you live and breathe.”

I’m out of words. I don’t know what else to say, but I’m panicking. There’s a finality in her tone of voice. Like nothing can be done to alter this course. I’ve never been on this side of this, but I know a breakup when I see one.

“I love you, Sophia.”

“Don’t say that now. Don’t—” Her voice cracks. She begins to cry. Seeing her big brown eyes glisten rips my heart in two. I can’t help it. I reach out to hold her.

“Get away from me,” she says, her voice trembling. She doesn’t shout. She doesn’t raise her voice. She says it in a voice thick with tears.

I let my arms fall to my sides. I go limp. It feels like she just thrust a dagger through my chest.

“The most dangerous things that have happened to me happened because of you. And I can’t keep ignoring that. I can’t, James. I love you, too.” She takes a shaky breath. “And that’s the worst part of all of this, isn’t it?”

I have no words, and Sophia begins to walk down the trail. She turns after a few steps. “I’ll pack my things up at the hotel when I get back. And then… I’ll do the same in New York.”

My heart feels like it stops beating. My breath is stuck in my lungs. She’s ending things. I knew this was coming. I crashed a fucking plane to try and stop it, but it was no use.

“Where are you going?”

“Taking a walk. Alone.”

“I’m not sure—”

“It’s safe?” she interrupts. “Because I’m pretty sure walking alone in a park at night is a million times safer than standing by your side, James Callaway. So don’t wait up,” she says and begins to walk into the snow.

I stand still until she disappears a hundred yards ahead. Vanishing in the curtain of falling snow.

I could lie down here, content to freeze. I move only because I don’t want to bother her anymore by being here when she loops back. I turn and walk away.

So that’s it. I rack my brain for words. For potential promises and actions to win her back. To agree to another chance. But there’s no half measure available to me. Besides, saying anything now is simply bartering.

The symphony will be letting out soon. There’s a queue of taxis building on the avenue.

I get into one and say hello in English.

“Where would you like to go?” asks the cab driver in his French accent.

I pause and look at the park. Sophia isn’t going to want to see me at the hotel. I only have some clothes there. I took my laptop with me and forgot it on the plane.

“The airport,” I say, surprising myself. I attempt to steel my fleshy heart into an object as hard and cold as the streets outside. If this is going to be how it is, I’m not going to mope.

I’m not going to linger.

The cab pulls from the curb, and I keep my head straight and facing away from the park. But my insideshurt.

I’ve felt this before. First when my parents died and then Sabrina.

It was something I wanted to avoid for the rest of my life. Something I made a point to steer clear of.

Loss.

Loss that clouds your mind with grief. Loss that is the first thing you think about upon waking up. But Sophia still walks this earth.

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