“Second,” Rafe went on, ignoring his look, “You’re a single father. You have kids. You can’t change that. If Bax loves you for who you are, which I’m convinced he does, then he’ll love you for the kids, not despite them.”
“Parenting doesn’t come naturally to him,” Nick argued.
“Does it come naturally to any men?” Rafe asked. “Women, I get. They come with wombs. Although I don’t think it’s really fair to throw that on them or to play into gender stereotypes,” he added, like he was arguing with himself. “Whatever the case, I happen to believe being a good parent is something we learn, not something we’re born with. Science might disagree with me, but I think it’s something that could be taught.”
Nick stared at him. “I’m not sure if you’re making this easier or harder,” he said.
Rafe laughed. “I’m not sure either. Too long, didn’t read, Bax loves you. I think the two of you have serious potential to go the distance with this love affair. God knows the entire family wants the two of you to stay together.”
“Really?”
“Hell yeah. We’re all giddy with glee that we’ve managed to catch you a second time.”
Nick laughed. It was reassuring to know the Hawthornes were happy with his and Bax’s relationship. His family definitely didn’t like it.
But that raised all sorts of other questions. He wanted to make things with Bax work, but now he felt like he had the weight of the Hawthorne family’s expectations pressing down on him, too.
“I don’t want to let any of you down,” he said, growing serious.
“Don’t worry about us,” Rafe said, pushing himself straight and grabbing both mugs. “It’s your life. You deserve to live it however you want.”
He gathered both mugs in one hand, then thumped Nick on the arm before heading out of the forge.
“Thanks for the tea,” Nick called after it.
“We should spill it more often,” Rafe said with a wink, then ducked out of the forge.
Nick watched him for a second before putting his goggles back on, donning his gloves again, and going back to work on the unicorn.
His heart felt a little lighter, but his thoughts continued to race. He wanted Bax more than ever, knowing the family liked the idea of them together. He felt comfortable and whole with Bax for the first time since Raina’s accident. It wasn’t that Bax completed him or anything half as Hollywood as that. Bax just helped him to be himself.
Rafe was right. He deserved to be himself. He was just discovering who that was. He loved his kids more than anything, but life wasn’t just about one thing or another.
Relationships weren’t just about one thing or another either. He wanted to find and learn about himself, but he wanted Bax to feel happy and fulfilled as well. Bax wasn’t just an extra that he tacked onto his life, like the unicorn hoof that he worked to reattach to one of the rampant legs. He couldn’t just fit his lover into his life whenever it was convenient for him. He needed to give Bax more, more time and more of himself.
His thoughts swirled harder and harder as he worked on buffing the metal to hide the seam in the unicorn’s legs. The sparks that flew off the metal felt like the dangerous seeds of the idea that had taken hold in him and didn’t seem to want to leave.
There was a way he could devote more time to Bax and to their relationship. It was a way that was staring him right in the face and that had been there all along. It would tear his heart out, but it might just make it easier to keep another part of his heart with him.
He rolled the idea over and over as he finished his work for the day, then as he cleaned up the forge and prepared it for class the next morning. Once the idea grabbed hold, it didn’t want to let go. He would catch all kinds of hell from the Hawthorne family, but if it made Bax happy, he was willing to consider drastic measures.
Once the forge was tidy and prepped for the next day, Nick went to grab his mobile phone from where he’d left it on his shelf. He took it to one of the outer walls that looked out on the growing green of Hawthorne House’s landscape, wedged himself against the wall, took a deep breath of the forge’s familiar, smoke-and-metal scent, then dialed his mum’s number.
“Nicholas, what is it?” his mum answered, already frantic. “Is it Jordan? Has something else happened to his hand? Is it infected?”
“No, Mum, it’s not that,” Nick said, unable to keep the annoyance out of his voice. “Jordan is fine. Well, as fine as you could expect a three-year-old with a stitched-up hand to be.”
“Is he in a lot of pain? Did you give him the painkillers from the hospital?” his mum asked. “I have my doubts about the strength of the medicine they gave him.”
“It’s fine,” Nick said. “It makes him drowsy, which is actually a good thing this early in the game, if you ask me.”
“Where is he?” his mum asked. “Put him on so I can talk to him.”
Nick sighed and rubbed his face. “He’s up at the flat with Janice looking after him and I’m down at the forge.”
His mum tsked. “Janice Hawthorne knows nothing about how to properly care for children.”
“Mum, Janice raised seven children,” Nick said. “She knows her way around kids.”