Page 59 of Forged

Nick nodded. “The doctor who did Jordan’s stitches said the wound could have been a lot deeper. It’ll be a pain in the arse trying to keep a three-year-old from using his dominant hand for the next few weeks, but at least he won’t remember it once he’s healed.”

“For all you know, this could end up being his first childhood memory,” Rafe said.

Nick grunted. He wasn’t sure he liked the idea of that. He also didn’t love being reminded that people tended not to remember anything about their first few years of life. It meant his kids probably wouldn’t remember their mother. Macy definitely wouldn’t. Raina had died when she was a month old.

He wondered if they’d remember Bax. If he had his way, they wouldn’t have to remember Bax because Bax would be a part of their lives. It was probably too early for him to be thinking that way, but he couldn’t help it. When he fell, he fell hard and fast.

“You’ve got a very expressive face, you know,” Rafe said.

“Sorry,” Nick replied, realizing he’d been lost in his own thoughts for a second. “I was thinking about Raina.” That wasn’t the whole truth, so he added, “And about Bax.”

Rafe nodded, as if he knew exactly where those thoughts had taken him. “Raina would be proud of you, you know,” he said.

Nick had to take a quick gulp of tea to swallow the sudden lump in his throat. “Thanks.”

“I know she’d give her blessing to you and Bax,” Rafe went on.

Nick finished swallowing and nodded. “Yeah, I’m sure she would.”

Rafe looked surprised that he would say that. “I’m glad you recognize that. If you were Rhys, I’d be sitting here lecturing you about how you have to move on with your life and how Raina would have wanted it that way.”

Nick laughed, but he still felt like Rafe was poking him.

“I think I’m falling in love with Bax,” he said far more openly than he’d speak to pretty much anyone else. “I mean, I know I love him, but I think I’m really, really falling hard.” He didn’t know why talking to Rafe was easy. The man had an openness about him that exceeded even the usual Hawthorne family standards.

“It’s pretty obvious to all of us that he’s head over heels for you, too,” Rafe said.

Nick smiled and felt his face flush over that.

A second later, the mountain of his worries fell down on him again.

“I’m worried that he’ll leave me,” he confessed, then quickly drank the last of his tea.

“Why the hell would he do that?” Rafe asked, setting his mug aside.

Nick shrugged and stared into his empty mug. “He’s so sexy and carefree. Before we met, he had an entirely different kind of life. I know that the kids annoy him sometimes.” He paused. “I know I annoy him sometimes.”

Rafe made a face. “I’m pretty sure that everyone annoys everyone else, even the people they love the most, at least some of the time.”

“Yeah, but I can’t offer Bax the things he wants and needs.”

“Says who?” Rafe shrugged. “You offer him something different.”

“Do I really?” Nick asked. “He already has a family in you all. He even has Jordan and Macy because they’re family. He could walk away from me tomorrow and still keep the rest of you.”

“Why would he want to walk away?” Rafe asked.

“Because I’m not enough for him,” Nick said, pouring out all his insecurities, whether they were logical or not. “Or because I’m too much. Because I’m not what he’s used to or what he needs. He deserves someone who can go on walks with him and celebrate his religion with him. Someone he can go to bed with whenever he feels like it and not be interrupted by kids waking up from a nap.”

“So that’s what worries you?” Rafe asked. “You think that Bax will break up with you because of the kids?”

Nick opened his mouth to deny it, but he couldn’t.

“Yes,” he said, rubbing a hand over his face. “That’s exactly what I worry about.”

“Well, first, I don’t think that’s going to happen,” Rafe said.

Nick wasn’t so sure and made a face to express that.

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