Page 102 of Taking Chances

“Was this the first time?” I point at her neck.

She starts covering it with the scarf, before answering. “It-it never happened before.”

“Was that why you came here?”

“Y-yes. I never thought he would do that, before.” She stares at her fidgeting fingers. “I wanted to give him time to sleep it off.”

She was scared for her life.

I take her both of her hands in mine, trying to keep my voice as collected it can be. “This might be hard for you to hear, but strangulation is one of the biggest predictors of future homicides in victims of domestic violence.”

“No.” She shakes her head with conviction. “This isn’t it.”

“I wouldn’t dare pretend to know what you’re going through. I wouldn’t dare assume I’d act differently if I were you. But I think you should know the risks: the odds for homicide increase by 750% in victims who have been previously strangled.”

“You don’t understand…” Her voice breaks. “Everybody thinks leaving is easy.”

“I’m not saying it’s easy. It might be the hardest thing to do. I’m just saying your life is worth saving.”

“I would loseeveryone.” A cry breaks from her throat, and my chest constricts.

“You wouldn’t…” I start to say before she cries out.

“They barely let me come here tonight. They were worried neighbors would see how upset I was or hear me crying. I was terrified, and they were afraid of the neighbors talking.”

I embrace her as she sobs in my arms. “You have Lennox. You’re not alone. He would do anything for you.”

“This isn’t how this is supposed to go. I was supposed to be protectinghim, savinghim. I can’t let him save me.”

“You’re the only one who can save yourself. Only you.” I caress her shoulder. “But you won’t be alone.”

She lets out a quiet sob. My tears join hers as I mourn everything she’s been through, everything Lennox has been through.

“Do you love my son?” She glances up at me as her breathing finally settles.

“I do.” It’s a relief to say it out loud.

“Does he love you back?”

“I don’t think he knows how.” My throat closes. “I do think his heart is full of love, but he’s keeping it safely hidden.” I clear my throat. “So far, love has only caused him pain.”

Lennox’slight hair is a mess when we eventually exit the room. His shoulders relax when I give him a reassuring nod. The silence stretches for a minute before I decide to give them some space.

I point a thumb at the door. “I’m going to take a walk.”

Lennox opens his mouth to protest, but I shake my head to show him I’m not negotiating this. I start my walk in a random direction, pinning the house’s location so I can get back. I’m far too tired and distracted to remember where I’m going.

My heart feels split open, bleeding out inside of my chest. I don’t blame Lennox for being closed off one bit. It was what he had to do to keep himself safe. To survive. But it doesn’t mean it hurts any less. He gave me so much. Taught me confidence, pleasure, showed me what it feels like to be worshipped. And I won’t get the chance to show him what it’s like to be loved.

Still, the only thing I hope for is that he finds the peace he’s looking for.

The summer heat picks up, so I head back, following the directions on my phone. Jason opens the door, and the sound of laughter hits me.

Lennox, his mom, and aunt are eating at the table while Susan laughs. Lennox’s face is pulled up into the most beautiful smile, and I feel like I can breathe again. I join them at the table, glad to see them getting along. After the meal, I decide I’m not needed anymore and it’s time for me to head home.

“Lennox, can I talk to you for a second?”

He gets up and we head back to the living room.

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