Page 103 of Taking Chances

“How are you doing? You look better,” I say with a demure smile.

“I am better. She hasn’t said anything explicitly, but after your conversation, she’s been asking me about Seattle and if she would like it there. I don’t want to get ahead of myself but, fuck, it’s hard not to let hope take over.”

“I’m so glad to hear that. If anyone can help her make that decision, it’s you.”

“So, I think I’m going to stay a few days.”

“Of course, I’ll get out of your hair.” His mouth opens for a second like he wants to say something, but he doesn’t.

“Thank you… for everything. It means a lot.” He swallows before pulling me into a hug.

His scent invades my nostrils, and I breathe him in, committing it to memory. I wish I could ask him to roll around in my bed so I could smell him whenever I want to.

Our bodies slowly part and his eyes land on my lips for what feels like forever. My mouth turns dry as my heart races, and when I think he’s approaching me for a kiss, I panic and move away.

“Let’s get you to the airport, then.”

Four days later,there’s another unexpected knock on my door. At least I’m not in my pajamas this time.

His disheveled hair is the first thing I notice. Lennox looks exhausted, but his eyes are crinkled with a barely visible smile. “Hey.”

“Hi. You’re back.” I spent four days dying to know how he was. He hasn’t contacted me, and I figured reaching out would just be torturing myself further.

“I am.”

“How’s Susan?”

“In the car. I came straight from the airport. She decided to start over here in Seattle.” His smile stretches wider. “It will be a long road for her, but I’ll do anything I can to help her.”

“I’m so happy for you. Both of you.” My eyes water with happiness. “And I’m glad you shared it with me. Though, you didn’t have to come all the way here for it.”

“I did. There’s more I need to tell you. I’m sorry for letting you break things off. I was afraid.” His hands find their way into his pockets.

“It’s fine. I understand.” My heart breaks because of it, but my head understands.

“It’s not fine.” He shakes his head. “Because I love you. I think I’ve loved you from the first night you literally fell into my arms, drunk and clumsy and so fucking cute.”

His words pierce into my chest, planting hope. It’s everything I’ve wanted to hear. Everything I hoped to hear.

But I don’t think I can trust it.

I inhale deeply before responding, “I’m really happy for you, Lennox. But you’re emotional. A lot of things happened, and you shouldn’t be making any decisions. Especially not ones that go against what you believe in.” My voice breaks at the end. This is going to hurt like a motherfucker. “I love you. But I deserve more than to be an impulse decision.” I give him a soft kiss on the cheek, inhaling his scent for the last time. “With your mom here, I really hope you find your happiness.”

I close the door of the apartment, leaving him on the other side, and release the tears I’ve kept at bay.

40

LENNOX

I’m left stunned speechless. Though she basically told me to ‘fuck off’, my chest swells with pride. She loves me. She loves me, all the broken pieces of me.

But she put herself fucking first. I suppress the need to pump my fist in the air. The people-pleasing, compliant Anne looked into the eyes of a man she loves and put herself first.

If I’m the one who helped her do that, it will be one of my greatest achievements.

Still, she’s wrong. My head’s not blurry with emotion, I feel like I can finally see clearly.

And all I see is her. She’s the sun heating my skin and the moon illuminating my darkest parts. She’s the perfect to my imperfections. She’s the purpose to my meaningless existence.

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