Page 9 of Our Time

“No, I need you to hear this. It wasn’t your fault. Theonlything that kept me from absolutely drowning that day was you. I felt so betrayed by my own body. I felt downright disgusting and yet you were there, treating me like an alpha despite everything else going on. You helped me through it. You made me feel likeme.”

Ryder leans into my touch, closing his eyes as he takes in my words. My heart is hammering against my ribs as I speak, wanting him to truly understand.

“Afterwards, I could barely look you in the eyes.”

Ryder’s eyes open again, looking pained. “Because I upset you.”

“No.” I shake my head. “Because you’d seen me at my lowest. I was terrified you’d never see me as an alpha after that.”

“That would never happen, Ben.”

I give him the smallest smile. “I know that now. But at the time all I could think about was how I acted during my heat. All I could think about was how you saw me. I was terrified you’d remember my scent like that, you’d think about me in that state. Ryder, things changed because I wasscared.”

Ryder finally moves, pulling me back into his arms and hugging me tight. I don’t fight it, needing the contact more than I even realized. “Oh, Ben,” he whispers, kissing the side of my head. “You silly, silly alpha.”

That phrase breaks something inside of me and I can’t fight the tears that fall from my eyes, sliding down my cheeks. “I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for,” he breathes, squeezing me even tighter. “I wish we’d had this conversation before now, but better late than never.”

“Yeah,” I say, not knowing what else to say. That seems to be okay though. We readjust, laying on our sides facing each other. I scoot a little closer so my face is tucked against Ryder’s throat. This feels vulnerable, but not in a bad way. It feels almost liberating, knowing I can bare myself fully to Ryder.

“I’m sorry you felt that way, Ben. I wish I could have made you feel like yourself at the time.”

I swallow thickly, trying to find the words to make him understand. “That was more about me not really accepting myself yet,” I explain gently. “No matter how you reacted, I wasn’t ready to believe anyone saw me as I wanted to be seen. Everything you’ve done since then has helped me feel loved and accepted. Hell, you were always the one to smack me when I tried to be self-deprecating. You were there for both of my surgeries. You’ve been my biggest cheerleader, Ryder.” I close my eyes, breathing shakily. “It’s one of the many things I love about you.”

“Ben,” Ryder breathes, his voice breaking. “I wish you wouldn’t say that. It makes my heart hurt knowing you mean as my friend.”

There’s a line we never cross. Tonight, that line is paper thin. I could stay here. I could stay content to have Ryder as my best friend. I could pretend none of this came out into the open. But I don’t want to anymore. I can’t stand the idea of him not knowing what he truly means to me.

I lean up on my elbow and look down at him. His brown eyes are wide as they take me in, watching me intently. He’s so fucking beautiful. I smash through that paper thin line we’ve kept up between us, leaning down and kissing his lips.

A noise of surprise leaves Ryder as I kiss him. The press of our lips together is achingly soft, just barely there, but it’s enough to spark an inferno within me. His lip ring is a hard contrast against his soft lips and I just barely keep a whimper at bay, imagining what it’ll feel like to run my tongue across that piercing the same way I’ve seen him done a thousand times. His hands rise up, cupping my face, holding me there as we kiss. There’s no other place I’d rather be than right here with Ryder. This is everything I’ve missed in all these years. The feel of him, the taste of him, the sound of him. God, I’m overwhelmed but somehow also completely at peace.

Ryder pulls back just enough to press his forehead against mine. We breathe each other’s air, just resting in this moment. Finally, he breaks the silence. “Do you really mean that? Because if this is just you reacting from your nightmare, I don’t think I’ll be able to take it, Ben. I want this to be real so fucking badly.”

“It’s real,” I tell him straight away. “It’s real, Ryder.”

He kisses me again. And again. And then once more for good measures. Eventually we need to stop kissing because we’re both grinning too much to keep our lips connected. I lay back down, resting my face against Ryder’s chest, wrapping my arm around his middle.

Part of me can’t believe all of this has happened. I’ve dreamed about this for so long. I love him. I love him in a way that’s more than just my best friend. I long for him to be by my side, to be my mate.

I have no idea what tomorrow will bring but there’s a rightness settling within my chest. I get the feeling that when we were younger, it was the right person at the wrong time. But now? Now it’s our time.

CHAPTER FIVE

RYDER

Somehow everything feels exactlythe same and completely different at the same time.

As we pull out of the hotel parking lot and onto the street, Ben reaches over, putting his hand on my thigh. He gives me a soft squeeze as he looks down at his phone. My stomach flutters pleasantly and I have to do my best to focus on the road in front of me instead of staring over at Ben.

When we woke up this morning, I took a shower and we both got dressed and ready to go. We didn’t kiss anymore, but I have the knowledge that if Iwantedto, I could easily lean over and kiss him. Any time I want. That’s what’s different. We’re still best friends, we still love each other, but now the fact that our love isromanticis out in the open, everything is different.

Reaching down, I take Ben’s hand in my own, lacing our fingers together. I look over at him and he’s looking right back, giving me a soft smile.

This feels unreal. This feels like I’m dreaming. I’ve longed for this with every fiber of my being for so fucking long. Last night was a breakthrough, but there’s still so much more we need to talk about. I need to tell him about the scar on my throat. Fuck. Will he hate me for keeping that a secret for so long? Am I going to lose this before I even had time to enjoy it?

“What’s that frown for?”

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