Page 15 of Our Time

“Ryder?” My spine goes straight with tension and my eyes snap over to the door, thankful that the door is locked. “Hey, what’s going on? Are you okay?”

“Don’t come in here,” I say right away despite knowing the door is locked. My breathing speeds up and my heart is hammering against my ribs. Fuck, fuck, fuck. “Please, Ben. Stay out of here.”

“What’s wrong?”

I can hear the desperation in his voice, the need to make sure I’m okay. That love and care breaks something inside of me and the only response I can give is a sad whimper. My inner omega is crying out, begging to be reunited with our alpha once and for all. He’ll get his way, but at what cost?

“I didn’t want to tell you like this,” I whisper, stepping close to the door and laying my hand against it, wishing it was the warmth of his chest instead of the coolness of wood between us. A single tear drips down the side of my face as I’m overcome with emotion. Now that I’ve had Ben as mine, I can’t go back to how things were. It would break me.

“What is it?”

“Fuck,” I gasp out, trying my best to catch my breath. I can do this. I can show him. I have to trust that he’ll understand the same way I understood when he told me his true feelings about his heat. We’ve fucked up so much, but we’re finally talking about things. God, please let him hear me out and understand why I hid this. “I’m so fucking sorry you’re finding out like this, Ben,” I say softly, hoping he can hear the sincerity in my voice. “I must have left my stupid makeup at the last hotel we stayed at. Fuck.”

“Show me,” he says and I’m compelled to do just that. Slowly, I open the door and brace myself for his reaction.

Ben is standing just outside the door, waiting for me. His eyes scan over my face, taking me in and I stop breathing. Once his eyes land on my mating mark, they widen in shock. So many emotions play over his face; shock, disbelief, confusion, and finallyhurt.

“Ben,” I whisper and he takes a step back.

“What? I don’t understand,” Ben says, taking another step back. With each step, my heart threatens to shatter. I can’t lose him, not when we just finally got our shit together. “You’re mated?”

“It’s complicated,” I tell him, holding up my hands in surrender. “Let me explain?”

Ben sits on the end of the bed. He puts his glasses on top of his head so he can rub at his eyes which are wet with tears. “I’m listening.”

“It’s half of a bond,” I tell him slowly. “It wasn’t completed because I never bit back.”

“Did someone hurt you, Ryder?”

“No, it’s not like that.” I take a step closer and when he doesn’t react, I finish closing the distance between us. “It happened when we were younger.”

“We?” Ben finally pulls his hands away, staring up at me. He looks so lost and I wanna do everything in my power to take that hurt away.

I nod. “We. You don’t remember. I don’t blame you. Your heat really fucked with your head. I was so sure you regretted everything that happened between us, Ben. I was terrified you hated me.”

“I could never,” he says, but I cut him off, gently placing my hand against the side of his face and thumbing away his tears. My body shakes, terrified of breaking whatever it is we’d just begun to mend.

“I know that now,” I whisper, giving him the smallest smile. “But at the time, I was sure I would lose you forever. I wanted you to never have to think about your heat again, so when I woke up the next day with a bite on my throat, I hid it. I covered with bandages and lied, saying it was hickies I didn’t want people to see. After it was healed I started using cover up to keep it hidden.”

“Ryder,” Ben breathes, looking more pained than before. My chestaches. I steel myself, expecting rejection yet again. “You’ve been hiding this for so long. That must have been tearing you up inside, to have half a bond while I was so close.”

Something inside of me breaks and I let out a broken noise. Ben stands up, wrapping me up in his arms. “I’m okay. You were always there for me. I could never ask more of you.”

“You can ask,” Ben says, his eyes shining with unshed tears. “You can ask for anything, Ryder. Fuck. How did we end up here?”

“I don’t know,” I say, my voice breaking. “I’m just happy that we’re herenow. I was so scared you’d be angry with me.”

“I wish I had known,” Ben confesses, nodding his head, “but I can’t fault you for your reaction. I was so upset back then. How could you have known I wouldn’t react badly? You loved me and wanted to protect me. I can understand that.”

“Loved? No, Ben, you misunderstand,” I whisper, my voice shaking. “Iloveyou. That feeling never went away. I did everything in my power to keep you close because if I couldn’t be your mate, at least I could be your best friend. But that longing for more never stopped even if I hid it well.”

The tears gathering in Ben’s tears finally fall, sliding down his cheeks. He stares at me for a long moment, like he’s trying to fully process what I’ve just told him. He takes in my words before finally breaking. Ben makes a wounded noise as he squeezes me tight around my waist. He pulls me down for a kiss.

We’re kissing. That’s a good sign, right? He can’t hate me if we’re actively kissing.

I pull back, leaning close so our noses are barely touching still. “Ben?”

“I love you too. I have since we were teenagers. I was holding myself back because I had it in my head that you should find a better alpha for yourself.”

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