Page 23 of Choosing Me

“When you picture a future, do you sometimes picture Wilson alongside you?”

I think about it for a moment. I picture us doing silly shit, going on weird dates that involve paintballing and arcades and making out in inappropriate places. I picture Theodore and Fredrick there to cuddle me after a long day. I imagine all three of them making me smile just by being them. Jesus fucking Christ how could I have been so clueless for so long? “I think I do,” I finally admit, my voice so small and soft.

“Take the risk,” my brother says, his hand running up and down Nora’s back as she sleeps. “Choosing him doesn’t mean you’re suddenly going to stop looking out for yourself. And the reward in this case is so worth putting yourself on the line.”

“I’ve always been jealous of how sure you are about life. You always seem to have it all together.”

Connor snorts, shaking his head at me. “I feel like I’m faking it most of the time. Thankfully I have this really cool thing called a loving and supportive mate who lifts me up when I need it. He helps me be sure.”

The doe-eyed look of adoration flashing over Connor’s eyes is borderline sickening. What does it say about me that I’m jealous? I want that. I want the love and support that Connor wholeheartedly experiences for myself. Wilson never stuck up his nose at my wishes, was happy to follow my lead, and was enthusiastic to submit to me when I wanted him to. Fuck. He really does love me just as I am, doesn’t he?

Oh god. I really fucked up. “I fucked up,” I murmur, more to myself than to my brother. Wilson loved me. And somehow I fell in love with him without even realizing it. He’s silly and brave and strong. He’s an alpha but he’s not possessive or dominating like other alphas who’ve turned me off in the past. He revels in my bossy side, enjoys the way I love to tease him. He can give just as good as he gets. Oh fuck. He’s perfectfor me.

“It’s all clicking at the moment, isn’t it?” I nod my head slowly. “And what are you gonna do about it?” I shrug. “Oh my god,” Connor groans and I finally crack a smile.

“I don’t necessarily have a plan but I promise I’m gonna dosomething.”

“You’re gonna win back your man?”

Instead of cringing like I normally would at the idea of ‘having a man’ I find myself smiling. “Yeah,” I say gently, everything inside of me nudging me towards Wilson instead of away from him. My inner omega, who’d been grumpy with me since this whole deal began lets out a sigh of relief. My inner omega wants Wilson with us just as much as I do. “I think I am.”

“I would cheer for you for finally getting your head out of your ass but I’m not sure Nora would appreciate that.”

“Please don’t wake her. Sweet girl needs her sleep.”

“She’s not the only one,” Nox says, walking into the room. He raises his hand. “Sorry for just popping in. Benny and Barbie are officially in bed and I wanted to check in on Nora and see about putting her down.”

“No problem,” Connor says, carefully adjusting so that Nox can pick up Nora. Before he goes, Nox dips down and gently kisses Connor’s lips. It’s so achingly sweet and I’m overwhelmed withlonging. I wantmy versionof what they have. And with Wilson I’m pretty sure I can have it. Even if it doesn’t work out, Connor’s made me realize it’s worth taking the risk to pull Wilson into my orbit.

With my mind made up, I start planning just how best to apologize and win Wilson back.

Chapter Twelve

Wilson

The music playingthrough the speakers at work is really putting a damper on my mood. A man sings about finding someone who’s the other piece of his puzzle, completing him and making him a better man. True lovebullshit. I could get up and walk over to the stereo and change it, but that seems like a lot of work and I’m conserving my energy for when I get home where I plan to open up a brand new tub of ice cream and eat it on my couch. Of course my cats will be there to keep me company during such an exciting night.

Quite athrillingturn of events, really. I’m going from frequent and consistent hook ups to eating ice cream with my cats. I groan, rubbing tiredly at my eyes as I sit back in my seat, counting down the minutes until my shift is over. A loud boom cracks outside and it seems the weather is reflecting the mood going on inside my chest. Dark and gloomy.

I’ve been trying my best to stay distracted from the pain I’m feeling. My hearthurts. I’ve tried picking up a new video game but it just doesn’t hold my interest, the same for TV shows and movies. I just can’t seem to get myself to focus on anything other than the fact that I miss Calvin. I miss his voice. I miss his smile. I miss holding him in my arms. I miss the silly situations we’d get ourselves into. Why did Calvin have to convince himself we couldn’t work things out?

Before I can get into a proper pity party, I hear a few people walking towards the door. I check the time, relief filling my chest as I notice it’s almost closing time.

Even though I’m not actively trying to eavesdrop, I end up overhearing their conversation. It must be Harrison, Derek, and Christopher walking out. I’m not really sure why Christopher is even here tonight. As far as I know, he tends to work exclusively from home. As a phone sex operator, there’s no need for him to come into the office.

“Are you sure about this?” Derek asks and even being outside the conversation I can hear he’s nervous. How odd. I know I shouldn’t be listening but I’m intrigued.

“I’mpositive,” Christopher says, “let’s head to dinner and we can discuss the details but I already told you, I’m your guy for the job.”

Harrison snorts and as they walk by, he’s shaking his head. “Don’t make it sound like being our surrogate is a job. I mean it is because we’ll be paying you but,” Harrison snorts, running his fingers through his hair. “You know what I mean.”

“Oh, hey, Mr. Wilson,” Derek says, waving my way. Harrison’s cheeks flush, like he forgot I was here. I look up, pretending I wasn’t paying attention.

“You guys have a good night.”

“You too,” Christopher says with a soft smile.

With them gone, I can start going through my end of the day routine, double checking no one else is in the building, checking locks, all things that keep my hands and my mind busy which I’m grateful for. Once everything is done, I make my way out the back door, intent on finding my car in the parking lot. The rain is pouring down with the occasional flash of lightning and boom of thunder. The air is cool and I take a deep breath, finding it refreshing despite the chaos going on inside my head.

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