Page 22 of Choosing Me

We sit in silence for a moment and I know it’s over. There’s nothing that I can say that’ll make Calvin see my point of view, nothing that’ll change his mind that this is worth the risk. He’ll have to come to that conclusion on his own,ifhe even wants to think about it after today.

“I should get going,” he murmurs, standing up slowly.

“Okay.”

Calvin quickly pulls his pants back on from where he’d tossed them on the floor last night. I lay back down, turning onto my side with my back towards him. I hear him walk out of my room and I let the tears fall freely. The darkness swirling around inside my chest is only made worse when I hear him feed my cats on his way out. Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Why’d I have to fall in love with my fuck buddy when Iknewhe didn’t want feelings? Why did my inner alpha have to chooseCalvinthe way it has?

Why does this have to hurt so fucking deeply?

Chapter Eleven

Calvin

“Areyou sure it’s okay that you’re here?”

I wave my brother off, picking up my freshest niece and laying her against my chest. I walk around Connor’s living room, putting a bounce in my step as I go to help soothe Nora back to sleep.

“It’s fine,” I tell him. “Bryce and Jeremy were totally cool with me taking a bit of a break from work.” Then I look down at Nora, making my voice soft and pitched a bit higher. “Plus, you’re by far the best distraction.”

Connor lets out a long sigh, sitting back in his arm chair as he glares at me. “You’re a dumbass.”

“Oh, I am very aware of that fact, thank you very much.”

“You don’t need a distraction. You need to sit down and come to terms with your feelings.”

Completely ignoring my brother, I instead put all of my focus on the baby against my chest. I hum under my breath, helping Nora find sleep. She’s already starting to settle down, her whimpers coming further and further apart. God, she’s perfect and despite only knowing her for a few days, I’m already completely and utterly in love with her.

“Honestly that sounds awful. Living the ignorantly blissful life sounds so much better.”

Connor huffs, rubbing tiredly at his eyes. The sight makes me snort in amusement. He looks so done with me and my bullshit. I’m honestly surprised it’s taken him this long to get to this point because I sure as hell don’t blame him.

“You and I are so different,” Connor murmurs, shaking his head. “We’ve always wanted such drastically different things. Just because I found an alpha that wanted to mate me, give me a gaggle of pups, and let me stay at home with them, doesn’t meaneveryalpha wants that, idiot. We’re both omegas and want very different things, can’t the same be said for alphas?”

“Well sure,” I say, following his logic, nodding along. “But who’s to say right now Wilson wants to be with me but after some time decides that I’m notenough? What if he decides he wants more than I can give him?”

“Ah,” my brother says, tapping his nose. “Sothat’sthe issue. You’re worried you’re not enough for him. Again I say: idiot.”

“I’m literally pouring out my heart here and you’re calling me an idiot. Fantastic.”

“Calvin,” Connor says slowly, looking at me long and hard. “You’re an incredible person.”

I stare at him for a long moment. “What?”

“You heard me. You’re incredible. I’ve always been jealous of you. You’re outgoing, you’re a social butterfly and talk to anyone, you’re not tied down to anything, you’re independent and need literally no one. You follow your dreams with your whole chest and I’vealwaysadmired that about you.” My cheeks are flaming and I have to look away, not used to being complimented like this. “But the one thing I always worried about you was that because of all that, you thought youhadto do it all alone.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean,” he says, sitting up a little straighter and holding his hands out, demanding Nora back. I hand her over, sitting on the couch and watching the way my brother holds his daughter. Fondness mixes with the confusion going on inside my chest. Idon’twant that, not even a little, but I also don’t want to be alone forever. “You don’t have to go through life on your own. It’s okay to let someone into your orbit. It doesn’t make you weak or lesser or whatever else insecurity is going on inside of that pretty head of yours. Just because you don’t want the white picket fence doesn’t mean there’s not an alpha who’s on the same wavelength as you.”

My chest tightens as my heart picks up speed. “How do I know he’s not just saying he’s okay with my idea of life and won’t change his mind later?”

“You don’t,” Connor says right away. “That’s just life. It’s full of risks and what if’s. But isn’t it better to take the risk then live with the regret of not even trying?”

Instead of answering I pull one of Connor’s decorative pillows off the couch, burying my face with it and groaning for a ridiculously long time. Feels good to let it out, even if it’s just for a moment. When I finally come back out, I’m feeling a little better to the point that Connor’s look of judgement doesn’t even phase me.

“Okay, let me ask you this.” I raise my brow. “Do you love him?”

I cover my face with my hands, knowing my cheeks are absolutely flaming. “Yes?”

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