Page 49 of Boys Like You

“It could benefit you to start a journal.” She gives me a look because we have talked about this before but I don’t want to write down my feelings. “Maybe all the bits will start fitting together.” I have told her so many times I have no interest in remembering my past, so why she thinks I would want to piece it together seems stupid. “I know you don’t want to remember but it may be the only way to get rid of the nightmares; deal with the trauma head on.”

“And it might also get me killed this time,” I snap.

The bile rises in my throat as the fear crawls over my skin. Rory’s face flashes like an old black and white movie before my eyes fly open. Sweat drenches my clothes. I quickly take in my surroundings; I’m still on the floor where I fell asleep watching movies. I feel like a ninja, jumping to my feet from my back, I race to the bathroom, losing the contents of my stomach in the sink. That same sinking feeling washes over me. Someone is coming for me.

I don’t know what it means that Rory’s face flashed before my eyes. That’s never happened before. Perhaps it’s my subconscious worrying about him? He did seem off when he came back last night.

“Knock, knock.” Rory stands at the door. “Are you okay?”

I turn off the tap and turn to face him. “Not really. Close the door for a minute.” He steps in and shuts the door. “You were in my dreams.” A smile reaches his lips. “Not like that.”

“Oh.” He goes white.

“It was just a flicker, but it’s never happened before. I think it’s because I’m worried about you. Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, nothing out of the ordinary.” His face still looks slightly drained of colour.

“You’re lying to me, I can tell.” I’m whisper yelling at him, and he looks conflicted, like he wants to tell me but can’t. “You were different when you came in yesterday.”

“It’s Cindy stuff.” I can tell he is still lying. “I can’t tell you.”

“Can’t or won’t? Why do I get the feeling it has something to do with me?”

“Can’t, so drop it,” he snaps.

“Fine,” I snap back, turning my back on him. We barely know each other; he doesn’t owe me anything and I’m just acting irrationally.

“Fine,” he throws back, opening the door and slamming it on his way out.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper, even though he is no longer in the bathroom. I don’t know what came over me, I just acted like a jealous girlfriend.

I quickly shower, trying to avoid the guys, knowing they will all have questions. Not having my uniform in here, I wrap a towel around my body and step out into my room. Four guys look my way.

“What?” My tone sucks right now, and they all look surprised.

“What was all that about before? Rory just stormed out,” Levi says, the only one that would have no issue taking on a hormonal teenage girl.

“He’s hiding something. I asked, he lied, and we had a fight and I acted like a jealous girlfriend when he mentioned Cindy. I didn’t mean to, but she makes me furious. How can I hate someone I don’t really know?” I throw my hands up in the air in frustration, glad I tucked the towel in well.

“We know he is hiding something, JD, that’s Rory, he bottles all his shit up. We can’t force him to talk. He feels guilty because our pasts are all real shit and he had a life of luxury. We never compare it, but he does. He feels like a burden if he asks us for help, all we can do is support his choice.” Levi always has to be the logical one.

“I feel terrible for causing a fight, I don’t know why I acted so crazy.” My phone buzzes, and so does everyone else’s. We all take out our phones.

Maximus:PMS

I turn to him. “You think I have PMS? Like the only reason a girl could act crazy is her period and nothing to do with the fact I’m most likely bat shit crazy? I did block out my whole damn life…oh maybe you’re right.” The guys all laugh at my expense. “Sorry, Maximus, I didn’t mean to bite your head off.” He types something on his phone.

Maximus:We should hug it out

“You want me to hug you?” He nods, not making eye contact. “You don’t have to ask if you want a hug. I’m down for hugs.” He comes to me and I wrap my arms around his waist. The other three start to argue about who gets to shower first. Rocky races into the bathroom before anyone can stop him, and the others go to get breakfast.

“Thank you,” Maximus whispers in my ear. If it was any softer, I wouldn’t have heard it. Inside I’m freaking out, but I don’t want to make a huge deal out of it because it is huge. I look up at him, his big dark chocolate brown eyes stare back at me. I push up on my toes, placing a soft kiss beside his lips. His hand slides to the back of my head, our eyes still locked. I see his hesitation, his worry. I know him being able to touch me and now even whispering would be confusing for him. He would never cross a line, and before I overthink it, I put my lips on his. At first we stand still; he is still in his own head. But his wall drops and he kisses me fiercely, like if he doesn’t kiss me right now his world will end. He walks us backwards until we get to the couch, and we fall on it together. He crushes me to him a little too roughly, and I whimper; my ribs are still slightly tender. My pain causes his wall to slam straight back in place, and he falls to the floor in tears.

I run my hands through my hair. What the hell did I just do to him? I’m an idiot, not thinking it through. I race out to the kitchen and get Levi, who knows as soon as I look at him.

He takes one look at Maximus and one look at me. “What happened?”

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