Page 48 of Boys Like You

“You can’t make her spoon you, Rocky, there is no way she will be able to see the movie.”

“How about you just hush, Levi, we can spoon however we want and you can’t stop us.” Levi throws his pizza crust at Rocky.

We start the movie again while we eat. The guys know most of it word by word. It’s funny listening to them as they recite certain lines. We watch as Billy goes from grade to grade and has fancy parties each time he graduates.

When we switch the movie to Happy Gilmore, Rocky jumps up and squeezes in between Maximus and I, calling dibs on little spoon. He isn’t dropping it. I end up with the side of my face pressed against the side of his, my arm tucked under his armpit, and my leg hitched up on his hip, we must look ridiculous.

Beth walks in, standing in front of the TV.

“What are you making her do, Rocky?” she asks, shaking her head and trying not to laugh.

“I’m little spoon, it isn’t my fault she’s short.” Beth just shakes her head at him again.

“Sorry to interrupt but JD has an appointment. We will be back in about an hour and a half if you all want to wait.

“I have to run an errand,” Rory states, jumping up. “I’ll be back by the time you get back.”

“Okay, see you soon.” He smiles at me, but he seems a little off.

I unwrap myself from Rocky who complains and declares he didn’t get me for long enough. I promise we can resume spoon position when I get back.

The drive to the therapist isn’t too far. Once Beth parks the car, she walks me in and informs the receptionist we have arrived. As soon as they call my name, I go straight in and take a seat on the couch.

“How was your first day at school?”

I laugh, which judging by her expression, isn’t the response she was looking for.

“I was suspended for half a day.” Her eyes widen, and she lowers her notebook to her lap. “Don’t freak out, I didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Isn’t that something most kids would say after they’ve been suspended?”

I shrug. “Probably. But I really didn’t do anything wrong. I was protecting Maximus, that’s all.” I lean back in the chair. “I may have pushed someone.”

“Given the circumstances, I think most friends would have reacted the same way.”

“That’s what I thought, but apparently it’s frowned upon. Of course, Maximus grabbing the teacher’s arm might have had something to do with it.” She raises a brow, so I quickly explain. “Mr Doyle went to pull me away and the guys didn’t like it.” I wave my hand in an arc. “Whatever, I got pizza, watched a movie and was made to be big spoon, so it’s fine.”

“Made to be big spoon? Are you comfortable with that?” She knows how being touched sometimes makes me feel uncomfortable.

“I have never had an issue with any of them touching me; we’re all friends, they respect my boundaries.” I chew my lip. “Hormones sometimes become an issue, but we are all dealing with it.” She shifts in her seat at the mention of hormones. “You don’t need to worry; I don’t need a sex talk.”

She gives a nervous giggle. “Good, I’m not here to give you one. I just think you might want to consider the ramifications if you were to be intimate with one of the boys.”

“I already have; what if more than one of them likes me? What if it causes issues between them if I choose one? And then if we broke up, the other guys would pick him and not me. Then there’s the whole “who am I” thing. What if my past catches up with me and I have to move away?”

“You really have thought about it. Is there perhaps one you like more than a friend?”

I consider her question. “No, I like them all the same. I’m not blind, they’re good looking, but I care about them all.”

“We can always talk about it down the track if anything changes. How have the nightmares been since last week?”

My stomach churns just thinking about them. I have started getting little flashes and as I wake up it makes me puke.

“They have changed,” I say slowly. “It’s like they trigger some memory I can’t quite remember but my body does. The fear, the anger, this smell I can’t get out of my nose, and the pain in my head. I can’t explain it. I get this feeling that someone is coming for me and not in a good way.” I don’t mention the flashes just yet. If I do it will all become too real.

“Have you told anyone? The police? These small things could eventually add up to something.” She scrawls notes as she speaks.

“Not yet, even thinking about it makes me sick. I’m not ready to tell anyone yet, but I will if I actually remember anything.” Total lie, I was kinda hoping I wouldn’t have any more, or if my entire memory came back maybe then I would say something.

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