Page 45 of Guarded

“Maybe,” she said grudgingly.

“It’s pretty common. I read up on it last night.”

Great. She’d had a meltdown and he’d felt the need to research to find out what the hell was wrong with her.

“A lot of the time it’s due to hormone levels, and being constantly sleep deprived while recovering from a C-section makes it worse. I’m sorry for not realizing it was happening to you.”

What? She squirmed inside. “It’s not your fault. You help out when you can.”

“You need to let me help more, and stop thinking you’re supposed to do it all by yourself.”

More guilt. Ugh. It was no secret she had a thing about being independent and in control, and that she had a problem with asking for help. “I feel like it’s my job to look after her. I’m the mom. Every other mom seems to manage just fine.”

“No, not even close. From what I read, almost eighty percent of new mothers go through it.”

Briar lifted her head to look at him. “Really?”

He nodded, his expression serious. “I was surprised by how high it was too. I had no idea. The good news is, in most cases of baby blues things usually improve after a couple weeks. So if that’s true, you should start to feel better soon.”

She put her head back down. Huh. That made her feel a lot less of a freak. “I’m actually glad it’s the baby blues. I thought there was something really wrong with me because I don’t feel bonded to her the way I should be.”

He kissed the top of her head. “Nope. Nothing wrong with you. You’re a fantastic mother.”

She snorted. “Yeah, fantastic. Look at me rocking the whole mom thing.”

“Are you kidding? Look at Rosie. She’s thriving, well looked after, loved and protected. You’re having a rough time right now and it’s normal after all you’ve been through. But it’s going to get better from here.” He squeezed her tight. “I want you to stop being so hard on yourself. You’re an amazing, attentive and loving mother. Rosie’s a lucky little girl to have you taking care of her.”

She huffed out a breath, his words hitting the squishiest, most insecure parts inside her that she didn’t like to acknowledge. “You trying to make me freaking cry again, or what?”

Another chuckle. “No. But it’s the truth.”

“I hope she thinks shooting’s cool, because I can barely cook. Just eggs.”

“And cinnamon toast,” he said with a smile in his voice.

“Yeah, that too.” More comfortable now, feeling as though an invisible pressure valve inside her had been released, she lay there for a few minutes and savored the closeness. It was hard for her to ask because she didn’t want to seem needy, but she craved affection from him right now more than ever. She’d needed this so much. “Just so we’re clear, I don’t want to see a counselor or talk to a doctor about this. And no meds. Not unless things get worse. Like I said, the nights are just tough for me right now. Once I start getting more sleep, I should be fine.”

“I’m going to help more, so make peace with that. And if things still don’t get better or even get worse, we’re getting outside help,” he said, his tone firm.

“Okay.”

“All right, but then I’m gonna need you to let me help more, and promise to be honest with me.”

She frowned. “I am honest with you.”

“Not about this sort of thing. You’ve been trying to be superwoman since Rosie was born, and you haven’t been honest about how you’re feeling or what you need from me. You’ve been hiding that you’re exhausted and overwhelmed and need a break.” He sighed. “I don’t know what it’s going to take to get this through to you, but there’s no shame in asking for help, especially from me. Iwantto help. We made Rosie together, didn’t we? I hate it that you shut me out.”

She’d hurt him. She’d never meant to do that. Hadn’t even considered that her actions might. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”

He grunted in acknowledgment. “Now that we know what’s going on we can deal with it together, and I promise to be more supportive and helpful.”

He was right about all of it. She knew he was. Why was it still so damn hard for her to lean on the man she loved, or ask for help? “Okay.”

“Yeah? You’ll tell me when you’re that tired, and speak up when you need a hand? Or a hug? Or sex, when we get to that again.” He sighed. “God, I can’t wait to get to that again.”

She snickered at his half-kidding attempt to lighten the mood. “I’ll try.”

He tightened his grip. “Briar,” he warned.

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