Page 37 of Shattered

“I was thinking I might go. Just for a little while, to visit.”

It didn’t surprise him that she wanted a break from his miserable ass. She’d done everything in her power to help and be there for him at every turn, and she deserved time to relax with friends. “Sure.” Yet for some reason the thought of her going to a team function without him made something twist in his chest.

No.Going with her wouldn’t make him feel any better, it would only make things worse, remind him of everything he’d lost. And it would make it harder when he pulled away again later. It had to be done, for his sanity.

She sighed, a tired, dispirited sound. “Okay. Are you hungry? I can make you something before I go.”

“No, I’m good. Thanks,” he added, although it didn’t sound that polite.

“All right. I won’t be long, an hour or two at most. Will you be okay?”

“Yeah.”I’m not okay. I’ll never be okay again, and I don’t know how to handle that.

Taya walked past him into their bedroom. When she came out a few minutes later he caught the scent of her perfume. Part of him wanted to grab her, haul her into his lap and just hold onto her as tight as he could. But that wasn’t fair. She deserved some space.

He didn’t want her to leave with this tension hanging between them, however. So he took a stab at making civil conversation, hoping to put them back on better terms. The private pity party had gone on long enough. “You were gone a while. Where did you go?”

“The doctor’s.”

At that he whipped his head around, facing in her direction even though he couldn’t see her. “Why, what’s wrong?”

She sighed. “Nothing’s wrong, Nathan. I had my appointment with the OBGYN.”

What? That had been today? Fuck. He’d been so wrapped up in himself, he’d totally forgotten. Now he felt awful. “Why didn’t you say anything this morning?”

“Because you were being an asshole, and I was sick of you making everything about you, so I went on my own.”

He flinched at the verbal slap, the palpable frustration in her voice. She’d never spoken like that to him before, so full of anger and resentment. But he deserved it. Every bit of it and more. He’d let her down so much, especially today. “God, Tay, I’m sorry.”

She didn’t answer.

Pushing to his feet, he reached for his cane and started toward her. He had to fix this, didn’t blame her for being upset. He’d be utterly lost without her.

She deserved more support than he’d given her. Hell, she’d put the career she loved on hold to take care of him full time without a single complaint. While he’d been moping around feeling sorry for himself, she’d been handling everything on her own and he hadn’t appreciated that the way he should have. God knew he hadn’t put much effort into dealing productively with his situation.

His heart beat faster when he sensed her approaching him, meeting him halfway. It felt huge.

Reaching out a hand, his fingers met hers. He caught them, squeezed them tight as he reeled her in and wrapped both arms around her. “I’m sorry, baby.” He meant it with every fiber of his being. Prayed she’d forgive him. “So damn sorry. And you’re right, I’ve been an asshole. It’snotall about me. I’m here for you too, and I’ll do better from now on, I promise.” Even though he couldn’t see her he could feel her staring at him. Weighing his words and sincerity.

After a long moment, she slipped her arms around his waist. “Okay.”

He exhaled a relieved breath and kissed the top of her head, almost dizzy. “What did the doc say?” Taya was what, around eighteen weeks or so now?

“We did an ultrasound.”

His muscles locked tight. Christ, he couldn’t believe he’d missed it. “Could she tell the gender?”

“Yes.”

Nate swallowed. “Do you know what it is?” They hadn’t really talked about whether they wanted to find out or not. He kind of wanted to know, but he’d respect her decision either way.

“Yes.” She rubbed her cheek against his chest. “Do you want me to tell you?”

He couldn’t stand the suspense. “Yes.”

“It’s a boy.”

Nate squeezed his eyes shut as his throat locked up, the sudden knot of pride and awe there all but strangling him. “A boy.” His eyes burned. They were having a son.

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