Page 71 of Cash

After another ten minutes, the client’s done for today. I speak with him for a few minutes, planning our next session, then strip the pads off. Putting them down, I walk over to Chubs.

“What’s up?” I ask.

“She’s fine. No injuries and she was calm when I spoke with her,” Chubs states quietly while eyeing me carefully.

I know without asking that he’s talking about Livi and that something must have gone down serious enough that Chubs checked up on her. I take a few deep breaths and let the image of her run through my mind. This is a test that I knew would come up at some point. How am I going to deal with having a cop as my woman? My first instinct is to bolt out the door, find her and drag her home where she’s safe. I smother that immediately because I know that’s not a realistic option. I lean my back against the wall next to Chubs and cross my arms.

“What happened?” I finally ask after my heart rate slows back to normal.

“I’ll let her tell you the details. I just wanted to let you know she’s fine in case you hear anything and to give you a chance to prepare yourself. I know her job choice is going to be hard for you to deal with. You’re an over-protective ass on your best day and having someone you care about in that type of career isn’t going to be easy. If you’re planning on keeping her around, you need to make peace with the fact that she’s got a dangerous job. Especially in today’s world with all the cop-hating going on,” Chubs says.

Obviously, Chubs has spent more time thinking about this than I have. I’ve been pushing it to the back of my brain because I’m enjoying having Livi in my world. That time has passed now, and I need to put some thought into it. Maybe she’s not the woman for me after all. It chafes at every part of me that I’m here in a gym while she’s out there dealing with all sorts of bad situations. I can’t be at her side, and I can’t interfere with the situations she handles. Can I sit back and trust in James and her training to keep her safe? I know that all the training I could ever give her won’t keep her out of range of a bullet. I can give her a better shot at winning fights and work with her on situational awareness though. Will that be enough for me to go about my day and not be scared about receiving “that call” that all families worry about when there’s law enforcement in their lives? Can I go to sleep at night knowing she’s out there dealing with God knows what?

“Get your head straight before she talks to you about today. What she does for a living is hard for her too. Being female in a male-dominated job puts a target on her back. She’s not new at this, so she’s learned to cope, and you need to also,” Chubs advises before pushing off the wall and walking away.

I stand still for a few moments before doing the same. Walking into the office, I find Bailey at the desk working. Liam’s laying on a blanket in his playpen, wide awake and making cute baby sounds. Alex is sitting on the floor next to him, playing with large, plastic building blocks. Bailey looks up and smiles at the same time as Alex holds her arms up in the universal sign for wanting to be picked up. I bend low, scoop her up and sit her on my hip. She immediately places her arms as far around my neck as they’ll go and rests her blond head on my shoulder. Taking a seat on the couch, I keep her close.

“I’m not sure Livi and I are going to work,” I say without thinking.

“What? Why?” Bailey asks shock showing all over her face.

I’m shocked too. I’m not the guy who asks for advice or talks about personal stuff. I’m the quiet guy. I’m the guy everyone tells their problems to, and I handle them. I never show uncertainty in any situation. I might feel it, but I never show it. That is until Liam and Livi came into my life. Liam’s scared the shit out of me more than once now, and I’m uncertain how to deal with Livi’s career choice. This isn’t the me I’m used to being, and I don’t like it.

“Cash? Why?” Bailey repeats when I don’t answer right away.

“Her job.”

“Ahh, I see. It’s a tough job. High divorce, suicide and alcoholism rate in that profession. They need to be mentally strong to do that job. They need a good family behind them to survive it. A strong support system,” Bailey says while setting her pen down.

“I can’t keep her safe when she’s at work. Not sure how to handle that.”

“Same for us women when the club is off doing something you all don’t want to tell us about. We know some of the things the club’s done are dangerous. Hell, we lost a member not that long ago. None of you are choir boys, and we live knowing that things can jump off at any time for the club. It’s the same as having a child, Cash. I’d give up my life in a heartbeat for Alex, but the day’s going to come when she’s not going to be under my care. She’ll be an adult and be out in the big, bad world all by herself. Taja’s dealt with that same kind of fear when Tessie got her driver’s license. It’s life. We can’t always be there to protect those we love,” Bailey states, explaining the things I know but never really thought too much about.

“I don’t know if I can be the support she needs if I’m worried constantly about her.”

“You get to choose whether to be that for her or use her job as an excuse for an easy out. Then you can go find some woman who conforms toyourneeds by not having a dangerous job. Maybe even find one who works from home, so there are no worries that she’ll get injured during her commute every day. Come on, Cash. No matter who you end up with, you can’t guarantee their safety every minute of the day,” Bailey says with an edge to her voice.

“You’re looking at this the wrong way, Cash. Livi does a job most can’t do. From what we’ve heard, she does it extremely well and has made a difference in people’s lives. As much as people want to hate on cops, we need them. They’re what stands between the good and the bad. That’s kind of similar to what the club does too. The sex traffickers? We took them down to protect people like Bella. We stood between innocent and evil. Your own job in the club is to protect the members and their loved ones. You’re the club enforcer, and that’s exactly what Livi does except on a larger scale. She doesn’t get to choose who she protects like we do. She needs and deserves someone like you, someone strong enough to stand at her back when she needs tonotbe the strong one. She deserves support and understanding when her job is taking a toll on her. When her faith in humanity is failing, you’re the right kind of man to hold her steady. You’re right that you can’t protect her when she’s on the job. But you can protect her in every other way that she needs. Not from what happens on the job, but what happens the rest of the time. Behind the scenes. The best training you–we–can give her. A huge support system between you, your dad and the club. A shoulder, a safe place to land, stability. All the things she needs, any cop needs, to face their next shift and whatever horrors it might bring. It’s an over-used term, but you can be her rock. You’re the most solid guy I know. If you want Livi in your life, you’ll find a way to make that happen,” Axel says with conviction from the doorway that he’s leaning on.

“Quit eavesdropping, you jackass,” I mutter out of habit while I think about what he said.

“Axel nailed it, Cash. Said it better than I ever could,” Bailey says to me before aiming soft eyes at Axel. “Well said, baby.”

“I just used up all my wisdom for the week, so I hope some of it sunk in. Hand me my daughter, dickhead, and go home. I don’t want to see your ugly ass face anymore today,” Axel orders as he reaches, and takes, Alex from me.

“Wickhead,” Alex repeats as Bailey gasps.

“Nailed it, Princess,” Axel says with a grin as he exits the door with little Alex clinging like a monkey to her dad.

“Thanks for the advice, honey,” I whisper as I stand, give Bailey’s head a kiss, before gathering up my son.

Time to go home, think everything over and come up with a game plan for being the person Livi needs me to be. Axel was right. There are more ways to protect someone than fighting their physical battles for them. Even MMA fighters need people in their corner during a fight. I can be Livi’s corner–not during the fight–but before and after it.

*~*~*~*

“Snots, come,” I state for the fourth time.

I sigh as the knucklehead continues chasing imaginary rabbits along the fence line. As irritated as I’m getting at being ignored, I still have to grin at his face. His bottom teeth are poking out, jowls bouncing, eyes wide and he grunts with every step. He’s in his own world, completely unaware that he’s been summoned.

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