Page 10 of Pooh

“Don’t mock me!” Candy warns. Yep, there are flames in those eyes. I’m pretty sure if I looked closer, I’d find hair growing on her knuckles too.

“Don’t mock me!” Axel says, grinning like a lunatic.

“I’m telling the manager on you!”

“I’m telling my sister on you!” Axel crows back at her. He’s really begging for it.

“Stop mocking me and get the fuck out of that cart!” Candy roars.

“Stop mocking me and get the fuck out of that cart!” Axel repeats.

Smack! I hear the sound but I never saw her pick up that toy truck and swing it at Axel’s head. Holy shit!

“What the fuck? You hit me!” Axel shouts.

I see the second swing but, luckily, so does Axel. He ducks and she tosses the now broken toy truck to the ground.

“I can’t believe you hit me, Candy! I thought we were having fun!” Axel tells her, giving her his best pouty face.

His expression quickly changes when Candy snarls at him. And it changes again when she dives on top of him and starts swinging fists. She’s landing a few here and there as Axel desperately tries to cover his head. I’d help a brother out but this shit is too damn funny to miss. Yes, you know it. I pull out my phone and start filming.

Candy’s radio hits the floor and Vex picks it up, steps away from Candy’s flailing arms and legs, and raises the mic to his mouth. I do my best to keep a steady hand filming while laughing my ass off.

“Clean up on aisle 3. Clean up on aisle 3, please. Stat.”

“Get her off of me, you fuckers!” Axel bellows as he is dodging fists and struggling to get out of the cart with her on top of him. She’s not small. Let’s just keep it polite and say she’s boxy.

Candy is now tossing elbows in the direction of Axel’s head. She means business and fucking Axel up is her business at the moment. She goes up on a knee, pounces and ends up straddling Axel, who is still stuck in the cart, and continues raining blows upon him.

“What is going on here? Oh my God! Candy, stop! Stop it right now!” screams another store employee that just rushed up to our fun little group. Her smock has tags that read “Manager” and “Tanya”.

Tanya tries pulling Candy off Axel. When that doesn’t get the desired result, she looks desperately over her shoulder at Vex and me. I shrug my shoulders at her. Vex continues laughing, bent over with his hands on his knees for support.

“Please, help me pull her off of that man!”

By now, the cart has tipped over on its side and Axel appears to be stuck in it and is at Candy’s mercy. He’s howling like a banshee and she’s grunting and growling and this is too priceless to miss seeing. I must make sure to have a great video for my club brethren when I return. That is my duty to them.

Vex finally takes pity on the store manager, steps forward and gets a grip on one of Candy’s arms while Tanya grabs the other. They pull her off Axel and stand her up on her feet. Her hair is standing on end and she’s snarling like Loki, Ava’s dog, when he’s mad. I can actually count her teeth, canines and all.

Vex then reaches down and helps Axel get the cart upright again with Axel still in it. I’m still filming because it’s my duty and I take that shit seriously. Axel tries to get out of the cart but he’s stuck like glue in it. He pushes and pulls, swears and tries squirming out, but can’t.

“Oh my God! I don’t even know what to say! I’m so sorry, sir! Candy has a bit of a temper, that’s why she’s taking anger management classes, but I never thought she’d do something like this! Oh my God!” the store manager tells Axel.

“Anger management classes? You have failed, Candy! You have fucking failed!” shouts Axel while pointing his finger at her. She growls again and I’m expecting her to turn green and her clothes to shred before our eyes.

“Go to the office and wait for me there, Candy,” orders Tanya.

Candy’s head and shoulders drop. I think she wore herself out on Axel. She turns and leaves our group without another word.

“Put that fucking phone down and get me out of this damn cart!”

All good things must come to an end, so I tuck my phone in my back pocket and grab Axel’s right arm while Vex grabs onto the cart. We pull. Nothing. I notice a crowd standing around watching. Lots of giggling and smiles. We give the heave-ho a second time and still nothing. The poor manager is apologizing non-stop and I don’t have the heart to tell her we may have to leave Axel here forever.

Vex reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tube of lube. I’m not asking why he’s carrying that in his pocket because I already know his motto of always be prepared. But it does raise several eyebrows in the crowd enjoying the show.

“You are not lubing me up, jackass!” Axel shouts upon seeing the lube.

“It may be the only way,” laughs Vex. “Besides, you didn’t mind last night!”

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