Page 9 of Pooh

“That’s all in the past. I learned my lesson while doing all that community service we were sentenced to. I’ve grown up, got a woman and I know how to behave in public now. Let’s go, Pooh,” says Axel.

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“Weeeeeeee! Go faster! Weeeeeeeee!” shouts Axel.

“Shut up, fucker! You’re going to draw attention and get us boosted from here too,” I admonish him.

“Yes, because a 6’4” tall, bald, tatted biker being pushed around in the kiddie cart is not noticeable at all,” Vex dryly adds.

“If they don’t want them used, they shouldn’t have them by the door,” reasons Axel. “There was no sign that said they’re for kids only.”

When we entered the toy store, Axel immediately spotted the coolest carts ever. They look like race cars, painted to match different Nascar race cars, with tiny little carts and a handle behind them where the parents can push the kids while they ride in the race car part. Of course, Axel climbed into one and that was a sight to see. His tall, broad body is scrunched up, his knees near his head while he grips the steering wheel. I’m pushing him while Vex has a regular cart for the items we want to buy.

I’ve pushed Axel and the car cart up and down several aisles at a run, we’ve skidded around a few corners and dodged several customers and displays when our luck runs out. As we’re screeching around a corner, I nearly collide with a store employee. I bring the cart to a fast stop. Busted! It’s a female employee, mid-twenties. Her name tag pinned to her employee smock tells me her name is Candy. She’s staring down at Axel with a serious scowl on her not so pretty face. She definitely does not look as sweet as her name would suggest.

“Hi! Could you help us, please?” Axel asks. We’re all smart enough to employ our best smiles and hopeful looks.

Her eyes flit from one of us to the next without her expression changing for the better. In fact, she scowls harder. Hands hit her hips. This could get ugly. I’m praying Vex steps up and turns on the charm. Fast!

“Those carts are for kids,” the employee states. I swear to God, her voice is deeper than mine.

“We’re looking for Xbox games that a four-year-old boy would like, darlin’. Can you help us?” asks Vex.

“Those carts are for kids.”

“Yes, doll, they are and Axel is the biggest kid we know. If you could just point us to the…” I start to say.

“Get him out of that cart. Now!”

“Candy, if you could…” I try again.

“Don’t make me call the manager,” she threatens.

“Vex! Do something!” whisper shouts Axel. “Wink, shake your ass, something!”

“Darlin’, if you co…” Vex gives it a try, but is cut off too.

“I’m not your darlin’. Your looks, charm and demented smiles aren’t going to work on me. Get him out of that cart. Now.”

“We’re just here to…” I try again.

“I don’t care why you’re here. He’s in a cart that’s for children. It’s wrong and he needs to get out of it now. Don’t smile at me. Don’t think you’re charming because you’re not. I’m not impressed with any of you. Get him out or I’m calling the manager,” she growls at me. An actual growl and I’m now convinced that Bigfoot does exist because I’m looking at his sister. His big sister.

“She’s either PMSing or she only likes women, if you get my drift,” Axel again whisper shouts to Vex. Stupidly, I’d like to add.

Hand to God, I swear I can see flames shooting from her eyes. Axel might be an idiot, but I’m not. I take a step back. I leave Axel and the cart where it is. She continues to glare daggers at Axel while pulling a radio mic from her belt and raising it to her mouth.

“Code 4 on aisle 3. Repeat, code 4 on aisle 3. Manager, please respond.”

“You’ve wanted to make that call for a long time, haven’t you, sweet cheeks?” taunts Axel. Again, stupidly.

“Candy? What do you need now?” a bored disembodied voice says, coming from Candy’s radio.

“Code 4 on aisle 3!” Candy repeats into her mic.

“Code 4 on aisle 3!” mimics Axel.

I look to Vex and see him struggling to hold in his laughter. He knows what I know and that is that Candy is going to lose her shit and Axel is going to be her target. I take another step back as I see Vex do the same.

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