Page 51 of Beaten

Ashley and I stayed up talking and laughing into the early morning hours. We talked about everything, including whether she wanted more than just a fling with AJ, which she didn’t. They’d agreed a fling would be fun, but neither was looking for more. When I asked why she didn’t go home with AJ tonight, she said she didn’t want to ditch me.

Reconnecting with Ashley was the best choice I’d made in a long time, second only to leaving Asshat Craig.

I’d always thought one-night-stands and hook ups just happened, so it seemed weird to me they’d talked about it. But then again, I didn’t have much experience. My only one-nighter was back in college and happened when I got drunk at a party.

When I reminded Ashley about that night, we had to bury our faces in our pillows to keep from waking up my parents with our laughter. I’d been trying to live life to the fullest after a breakup, and Ashley helped me pick up a guy at a party. It turned into a cluster-fuck of comedic proportions. Needless to say, my courageous stage was short-lived after that. But it was fun while it lasted.

We talked until we fell asleep, fully clothed, lying on top of my bed.

I woke up a little later and couldn’t stop thinking about what she’d said about Jamie, and how he’d looked at me. Was she right?Am I right? Was he interested, or was he just being nice? I thought back to what he’d said earlier. He hadn’t said he wasn’t interested. In fact, he’d said he liked me but wasn’t sure he was ready to date. Why had I assumed he was only being nice? That he didn’t like me?Am I really that insecure?The short answer was yes, because Craig had destroyed my self-esteem.

I started thinking about what it’d be like to go on a date with Jamie. I imagined him being the perfect gentleman, bringing me flowers and opening doors for me. He wouldn’t give me judgmental looks if I ordered pasta.

I imagined Jamie was the kind of guy who would drop me off after a date, walk me to the door, then give me a hug and a gentle kiss. A kiss. It was stupid to think about kissing Jamie, but that didn’t stop me from thinking about what his lips might feel like on mine. His soft, full lips would gently brush mine, hesitant at first, then inviting. He’d let me decide if I wanted more and I’d part my lips just enough to let him know I did. He’d put his hand on my cheek, his strength obvious from how easily he controlled the pressure of his touch. Not too much, not too little. He’d tilt my head up towards him just a little as he parted his lips. Then he’d tease my upper lip with the tip of his tongue and I’d moan into his mouth as I returned his kiss, begging for more.

Holy shit.Just thinking about kissing him had me all worked up. I got up and went to the bathroom. If I’d been alone, I might have let the fantasy go a little longer. Maybe even all the way. I wasn’t as adventurous as Ashley but I wasn’t a prude either, and had been known to satisfy myself a time or two.

But I wasn’t alone. And it was too late, or maybe too early, for a cold shower. So I settled on rinsing my face in the coldest water the tap could provide.

Chapter 24

Jamie

Icouldn’t hang around but wasn’t ready to go home yet, so I went to visit Isabelle instead. I needed to talk to someone, work through my feelings about Emily, and Isabelle was the safest option. She’d always been understanding and compassionate, and wouldn’t judge me no matter how confused or stupid I sounded.

It felt weird at first, talking to my late wife about my feelings for another woman, but after a few minutes my words flowed as I settled into the one-sided conversation.

“I don’t know if you remember Chris’s little sister, Emily. Well, she’s had a rough go of it recently and we’re helping her out.” I summed up why we were protecting her.

“The thing is, I’m attracted to her, and if she weren’t a client and not Chris’s sister, I’d consider asking her out. But she is, so it wouldn’t be right. Right?” I fidgeted, picking at the grass as I talked to her in the moonlight. “I don’t know what to do.”

I didn’t expect an answer, but I felt better getting it off my chest and out of my head.I should probably talk to someone who can talk back.

When I stood up to leave, I heard Isabelle’s voice in my head telling me everything would be okay, and reminding me that life was too short to be lonely and unhappy. Tears filled my eyes and this time I didn’t bother holding them back—I was painfully aware of just how short life could be.

I kissed the tips of my fingers and laid them on her headstone. “I miss you.”

I’d parked in the garage, and was walking down the hall when I overheard Meg.

“Do you think Jamie will admit he likes Emily? I mean, did you see how he handled that guy at the bar?”

I stopped and listened.

“Yeah, that was a bit over the top, especially for him.” Jack answered. That tone meant I’d hear about it later.“The manager was none too pleased, I had to talk him down from calling the local LEOs. He thought Jamie was a bit too rough for a cop.”

They weren’t wrong, I’d over-reacted. Seeing those guys corner Emily had triggered my primal protective instincts.

“Ashley picked up on it too. We didn’t say anything to you guys because you were busy, but she asked me if he’s always like that.”

Shit, does Ashley think I’m like Craig?

“What’d you tell her?” Jack asked Meg. I could hear his defensiveness from my position in the hall.Thank you, Jack.

“What do you think I told her?” Meg sounded offended. “I told her he’s only like that when he’s protecting people he cares about.” She didn’t say when he’s working, she said when he’s protecting people he cares about.

Was I that obvious?

“Sorry, I didn’t mean for it to come out like that.” I could imagine Jack looking apologetic.

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