Page 22 of Mine

I have topark partway down their street because of all the cars. They’re the type of people who have a lot of friends. Everyone loves them, and how can they not? I’m sure they invited all their neighbors as well because that’s just show John and Callie are.

Carrying a box with her gift, I walk down the sidewalk. I don’t let myself pay attention to the vehicles I pass because it doesn’t matter if JT is already there or not. The fact that I’m thinking about it at all is concerning. It should have been a whole lot easier to walk away. How many people have I Dommed and then just walked away? It’s never been a problem before, and I’m worried that it is now. The only reason I can think of is that nowI know who CravingMore is, and he’s someone important to me, which is getting all the lines crossed.

JT is submissive, and what if he ends up with a Dom who doesn’t deserve him? Who doesn’t treat him right? Who hurts him in the wrong ways?

As I get closer, I hear music. Like the barbecue, the party is in the backyard, and now I can see the extra lighting they brought in. There’s a banner on the fence:Happy Birthday, Callie!The gate is open, the walkway lined with decorations and what looks like floating bulbs.

There’s probably close to seventy-five people back there. John isn’t manning the grill because he had the evening catered. There are two long tables with chafing dishes. A woman in all black replaces one of them, and I notice a man dressed the same carrying round trays with champagne.

I scan the crowd of people I don’t know. Having a party like this isn’t something I would ever want for myself, but I’m not a people person the way they are.

I see John standing by a tree, talking with a few people, and make my way over, setting Callie’s gift on a table as I go. The second he notices me, his eyes spark, a smile taking over his face. He’s happy to see me—and probably even happier that he gets to introduce me to people.

“Hey, buddy.” He gives me a one-armed hug before looking at the people in front of him. “This is my best friend, Marshall. I’ve known this guy my whole life. Every important milestone, he’s been there for me. Cal and I are so happy to have him back in Raleigh.”

The pit in my gut gets bigger, the guilt thickening.

“That’s so sweet. I’ve had the same best friend my whole life too,” one of the women says.

John introduces all of us, and then they start talking about friendship, and how everyone met, and what it’s like to have someone so close to you, they’re like family.

I laugh and join in where I should, but there’s a constant tangle in my stomach because all I can think isI want to fuck your son. I want to spank his ass until it’s red and make him cry for me. God, how much I want his tears, and I’m the worst fucking person in the world because of it.

“Marsh?” John asks, making me realize I’m not doing as good a job paying attention as I thought I was.

“I’m sorry?”

“Todd asked what you do.”

“Oh, sorry. I’m in tech,” I reply, then tell him about my company and coming in to help with the new office out here.

The conversation changes, and as they speak about all the growth in the triangle lately, my gaze snags on JT for the first time. He’s standing with another man around his age. The guy says something, JT listening, but as if he can feel my stare, his eyes snap up and find mine.

I see the change in him from across the yard, his back straightening as if he’s on guard now, the hesitancy as he watches me, and Christ, that’s not how I want him to look at me. He’s unsure, and he’s never had to be that way with me before.

I want to soothe it, want to comfort him, make sure he knows it’s okay. Being around his parents is already conflicting for him. I learned that the night of the barbecue, and then by putting the puzzle pieces together—CravingMore had mentioned letting people down and being a disappointment. There’s a pull inside me, growing with each second, and I want to fix that for him…or at least make him forget.

JT says something to his friend, and the guy looks my direction, then turns away quickly and grabs JT’s hand. There’s no question in my mind that JT told him. I’m thankful he hassomeone to talk to about this because I sure as hell don’t. Would I open up about it even if I did?

“Marsh! I didn’t know you’d arrived!” Callie says, joining us.

“Happy birthday, sweetheart.” I hug her and kiss her cheek.

“We’re so glad you’re here.” She takes my hand and squeezes it, giving me a smile.

“I’m glad I’m here too.” As she joins the conversation, I force myself not to look across the yard at her son. I hate myself that it’s so difficult to do.

The party continues, John and Callie introducing me to so many people, it makes my head spin. I go along with it, but an hour and a half later, I’m all peopled out and need a breather.

“Excuse me for a minute. I’ll be back,” I tell the latest group we’re talking to. Setting my champagne glass on a table, I make my way into the house and toward the hallway leading to the downstairs restroom. The door is closed, so I lean against the wall, dropping my head back and taking a few deep breaths. I feel like my muscles have been constricted for two weeks, and with each moment that goes by, they only get tighter. Being here tonight doesn’t help. Is this what it’s going to be like from now on? Has my relationship with John been altered by the truths I’m keeping from him?

When I hear the water turn on behind the door, I open my eyes and straighten my spine, trying to appear amiable.

And of course, when the door opens, it’s JT standing there, in his tight jeans and polo shirt—which I know he’s only wearing because his mom would want him in something nice.

“I didn’t know you were in there,” I say, other words escaping me.

“Bummer. I would have liked it better if you knew and were waiting for me.”

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