Page 66 of Relief Pitcher

I’d nearly called it a date but held back. Baby steps.

CHAPTER30

COOPER

Danita: I’m about to head out to run some errands. Late morning coffee delivery?

Danita: Just got to the coffee shop. There’s a line, so you’ve got about five minutes if you want something. There are cardamom rolls in the pastry case. [drool emoji]

Danita: I picked you up a roll. OMW!

* * *

I placed the unsalted peanuts on a flat rock near the creek’s edge, then sat on Aleck’s throne stump. My body relaxed as soon as I settled and took in the landscape. I never knew how the spot would hit me until I got there, but the ritual of giving treats to the crows always grounded me to the moment.

I couldn’t visit the creek and not think of Aleck. As the sun’s rays fought through the tall trees, I remembered the day we toured the house and explored the grounds. As soon as he’d seen the creek, the only way he would’ve walked away from the house was if it had had an abysmal inspection. I’d been all too happy to make him happy, despite the house not really being my style. It was more remote than I wanted, but with him there, it was perfect. After he died? It had felt like a mausoleum. A memorial to the life we were supposed to have.

Rushing water tumbled over rocks while birds chirped from the branches. It used to be the relaxing place where we had weekend picnics or shared a bottle of wine at twilight. Now, it was my place to grieve. Aleck was only ever a thought away, but I felt closest to him in this spot. It had an extra-light feeling today, which I hadn’t expected. After Ty had slept over and left this morning, I’d expected the guilt to crush me. Things were different between us, and I needed to clear my head and process it all.

“Our softball team is doing pretty good this season. We’ll probably have a shot at the championship again. Danita is champing at the bit to have bragging rights for a year and rub it in Nick’s face. Pretty sure she wants to fuck him.”

Talking to Aleck had become easier over the years. It didn’t hurt as much to tell him about things he would never experience.

“I managed not to hurt my back this season, and my thighs are as big as ever. Just how you liked them.” I chuckled. He’d always had a thing for my thighs.

“Danita’s store is doing great. She got a big write-up last winter in one of those airline magazines, and then a Portland TV crew came out and did a segment.”

A sharp caw cut through the ambiance of rushing water.

I rolled my eyes. “Fine. I’ll talk about Ty.”

The crow’s next caw sounded like an encouraging rattle.

“I bet you’re laughing your ass off, watching me fumble through this.” I rubbed my chest. What had been a sharp pain for so long had morphed into a constant, dull ache. Ever-present but manageable and no longer debilitating. It was a welcome reminder of him and the life we’d shared for so many years.

“You’d adore Ty. He’s goofy and funny, has a huge heart, and one hell of an underwear collection.” A crow landed on the stump and eyed me before turning its attention to the peanuts.

“I really like him.” The words came out barely above a whisper. I rested my elbows on my knees and clasped my hands together. “I really like him,” I said more firmly while staring at my feet.

Another crow landed and let out a series of happy caws.

“Did you train these birds? When you told me you liked crows, I never expected it would become this level of creepy.”

The birds stared at me silently. Blinking in unison.

“Not creepy. Um, intense.”

They turned back to their food.

I watched them for a few minutes as I tried to sort through the torrent of emotions racing through me. “I didn’t think I’d fall for someone again, Aleck. I didn’t think I’d ever want to put myself through the hurt. I guess the idea of sharing my life with someone again intrigues the lonely hermit in me, but lightning doesn’t strike twice in the same spot, does it?” I shook my head and then laughed. Lightning had brought Ty to my door. Literally. I looked up at the sky. “Was that your doing?”

Several more crows landed to check out the plate I’d brought.

“He’s skittish, but I’m patient. I learned that from you. For some reason, he seems to think he doesn’t have the capacity to love, but he’s got so much love in his life. He has incredible friends and family he’d take a bullet for, and they love him just as fiercely. He thinks he’s not built for anything serious, but he’s wrong. He’d be great in a relationship. Ty’s supportive, silly, caring, and endlessly entertaining.” I wanted him to want a relationship. With me. I really did. Accepting that nearly knocked me on my ass.

“There’s so much potential there, but I’m terrified of making the wrong move.”

A crow cautiously moved toward me. We stared at each other as I slowly reached into my pocket and grabbed a handful of cat kibble I kept on hand as a special treat for them. I held out my hand and watched the bird approach and take a few pieces before bouncing back to its friends.

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