Page 78 of Eternal Hoptimist

We chatted easily for the rest of the drive. After Austin parked behind the brewery, I carried the food inside and walked through the brewing area to the taproom at the front of the building. I expected to find Ethan and Seth but only saw Seth.

“Food delivery.” I held up the bag.

Seth glanced over from replenishing a stack of coasters under the counter. He frowned. “Rosie called. Ethan’s in the office and seems pretty upset.”

Austin looked between us.

My entire body tensed. I had a feeling I knew what the call was about, and my heart broke for him. I had to admit, though, that I was relieved he would finally have all the information, and I could tell him about all the protections I’d established while helping Rosie make demands.

“I’ve got it. Pretty sure Rosie is sharing big news with him that’ll hit him hard, but I’ve got information to hopefully make him feel better.” I clapped Austin on the shoulder and pulled sandwiches for Ethan and me out of the bag.

Thank god Rosie hadfinallytold him. It was killing me not to talk to him about it. Not only because she’d asked me not to, but because I’d wanted to run ideas by him. I valued his opinion on things and wanted to not only help Rosie but protect Ethan’s special place as much as possible in a way he would be happy with.

Despite how stressful the past few weeks had been, at least I knew he would understand that it was Rosie’s news to tell. I was ready to support him through it and fill in the details Rosie might not mention. I had a copy of what constituted Rosie’s demands and revisions to the developers’ offer in my car to give Ethan after Rosie told him. I wished she would’ve warned me she was doing it so I could’ve better prepared.

Maybe we could take time off so he could visit the house one more time while I helped Rosie sign contracts. I smiled as I reached out to knock on the office door. I liked worrying about him and wanting to want to put him first. At that moment, I knew I would do whatever it took to keep Ethan in my life. Even if it meant pulling back from work or not accepting the promotion. Would I actually do that? I knew there was a strong chance Ethan was it for me. I didn’t want to fuck it up and let my job ruin my relationship as it had for so many of my colleagues.

I knocked gently before opening the door. Ethan sat slumped in a chair, staring at the ceiling. When he lowered his head to look at me, I expected to find tears but was completely caught off guard by his narrowed eyes and tight jaw.

“Were you ever going to tell me Rosie’s selling her house? Or were you planning on keeping your involvement a secret?”

I was glad to be holding sandwiches because I didn’t think holding up my hands with my palms facing him and approaching him like a frightened animal would go over well.

“I thought you were helping herkeepthe house, and instead, you convinced her to sell it like my parents were trying to do. What else are you keeping from me?”

My hackles rose, but I took a deep breath to calm myself before I got too defensive. He was surprised and upset, and I was the nearest target. I’d been foolish not to consider this reaction as an option.

“I’m not hiding anything from you, Ethan. This was Rosie’s news to share, not mine. She wanted to be the one to tell you.”

Ethan paused and seemed to consider that, but I noticed the moment he tossed it aside. He needed an outlet for his anger, and I was a good target. “You could have at least told me you were still working with her. That you’d given her options other than the wetlands protection idea.”

He had no concept of how much work I’d done—the old friends I’d contacted and favors I’d called in. I had plans A, B, C, and D for Rosie, but he didn’t need to know that. Laying on the guilt about my sleepless nights on top of work stress would be a dick move. I was happy to help him and Rosie. They were worth that and so much more.

Ethan dropped his elbows onto his thighs. “Feels like you’re handling me. Both of you. Like you didn’t think I could be mature about this, so you went behind my back to do something you knew I would be upset about and waited to tell me until it was too late for me to convince Rosie to do anything different. As if I would try to make her do something she didn’t want.” He lashed out like a cornered animal, and all I wanted to do was hug him and tell him it would be okay. Ethan let out a defeated sigh and hung his head. “I thought I left the bullshit of people trying to manage me and my emotions back in Kansas.”

I set the sandwiches on the desk and dropped to my knees in front of him, clutching his thighs. He kept his eyes pointed down. “This is what Rosie wanted, what she asked me to help with, and I did all I could to guide her through to get her everything she wanted. My old law school buddy who lives in Kansas is representing her through the deal pro bono. I know you’re worried about her, but she’s in excellent hands, Ethan. I promise.”

What I did for Ethan was out of love, not personal gain. My chest ached as though Cupid’s arrow pierced right through my heart.Love. I loved Ethan. Somehow while pretending to be his boyfriend, trusting him to teach me things, getting to know his family, bringing him around mine, and spending time together—I’d fallen in love with the warmest, kindest, sexiest, most caring man I’d ever known.

I opened my mouth to tell him, to make him understand, but I couldn’t. Not yet. Not right then. Not while Ethan looked at me like Iwas the one driving a wrecking ball through Rosie’s house.

“I understand, but you kept something important from me because you couldn’t trust how I would respond. You’re the person I should lean on, but how can I when you knew all along that the one thing I was afraid of would happen and you didn’t warn me?” He shook his head and pushed the chair back until my hands fell off his legs. “I need some time to think.” His ever-present smile was a million miles away. For a moment, I was terrified I would never see it again.

“Ethan, I—”

“I need to be alone right now. I promise we’ll talk.” He must’ve seen the terror in my eyes because his expression softened a fraction. “I’m not calling it quits or anything so drastic, but I’m hurt. I don’t want to say anything that will cause more damage, so,please. Give me some time.”

I stood. I opened my mouth to ask if that meant he wasn’t going with me to the gala tonight to show the equity partners that I’d played their game and won, but I couldn’t form the words. “Take as much time as you need.”

I barely remembered saying goodbye to Seth and Austin or even driving back to Portland. Once I reached the parking garage, I sat in my car and tried to convince myself to go up to my empty sterile condo.

In my gut, I knew I’d done the right thing and Ethan would come around. At least, I hoped he would. Nothing would stop me from being an anxious mess until we talked. I had to trust that the connection we’d built was strong enough to handle this. If we couldn’t handle a road bump, we had no hope of surviving the distance, opposing work hours, stressful jobs, and every other relationship threat lurking around corners. The best I could do was trust that we would be okay and that he loved me as much as I loved him. Or if he didn’t yet, that he would.

CHAPTER 31

ETHAN

I jerked when a hand squeezed my shoulder. I wasn’t sure how much time had passed while I stared at the office carpet.

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