Page 74 of Eternal Hoptimist

I briefly touched on zoning, potential tax breaks for a mixed-use building, examples of other cities who’d taken a similar approach, and the legal protections that could be baked into contracts with the food truck tenants. I pushed forward despite the increasing unease tickling the back of my neck. I’d gone over the idea with Hector, Ethan, and Caleb to ensure I had everything covered, but I sensed I hadn’t convinced the LD Development representatives yet.

I used to run ideas by a couple of trusted colleagues, but I trusted Ethan’s perspective more. He might not understand the legal side, but he was clever and strategic. Even more importantly, he cared about people and helped me make sure I stayed grounded.

Over the past couple of weeks, since we’d agreed to drop the “fake” prefix, I leaned on him more and more. Venting about my day, talking through challenges, welcoming his distractions of toe-curling sex, watching TV together from afar, and simply talking about everything.

It was a struggle to find enough time to spend together because there was no such thing asenoughEthan. I always wanted more time with him, but we were trying. The bonus was that I wouldn’t need to lie about anything at the upcoming anniversary gala.

As I concluded my presentation, my stomach dropped to the ground floor. Not that I let it show. I was far too good at my job for that. They clearly weren’t into it—no peppering me with questions as they had in prior meetings. I’d gotten basic politeness but not genuine interest.

I couldn’t risk seeing pity on Hector’s face, so I avoided looking in his corner of the room. Usually, I easily shrugged off losses, but not this one. Working with Rosie reminded me of what interested me about the law in the first place. Helpingpeople.Individuals. Communities. Not to help already wealthy developers get even richer by building housing for other wealthy people.If LD Development shot down my idea, they shot down wanting to help the community.

I was grateful to Ethan because spending time with him and caring about my lifeoutsideof work reminded me there were more important things. But it was a double-edged sword because having a life outside of work made my already dicey job satisfaction plummet.

The owner of LD Development cleared his throat. He was a brusque man at the best of times. “While I appreciate your concern for our reputation, we’re going to move forward with the plan as is. This project is to add housing to a busy part of the city and address the critical housing crisis, not create a community hub. Frankly, we would appreciate it if you kept to the work we asked of you instead of charging us for extraneous ideas.”

With my hand resting on my lap and hidden under the table, I pressed my thumbnail into my forefinger to channel my frustration and kept my expression neutral. If they had genuine concerns about access to affordable housing, they wouldn’t build overpriced condos that people in those neighborhoods couldn’t afford. I kept that to myself. Getting mouthy with my clients would get me kicked off the partner track faster than I could say zoning.

How did I get here?Did I really want to handle massive land deals in the city and make sure my wealthy clients had their asses covered? I had nothing against wealthy people or making money, but it pissed me off when peoplepretendedto care about serious issues merely to pad their pockets.

The meeting broke after we discussed the next steps on their plan for permits and city approval. I assured them I would keep working, then Hector offered to show them out. My stomach soured as I worried they would complain to my boss about going off script.

I knew it was a long shot, but I’d hoped they would see the possibility I did. The building would cost a smidge more on the front end, but surely they could understand how it would be a better option for the community and potentially earn them more long-term revenue. And how could they put a value on good PR?

Once I returned to my office, I checked my email instead of returning Ethan’sGood luck!andHow did it go???texts.

I wanted to drive to Dahlia Springs and let him hug my frustration away, but I had other clients and projects clamoring for my attention. I would accept his virtual hugs later. Or get desperate enough that I drove to Dahlia Springs to crash with him for the night. The guys had been gracious about me staying over a few times since Valentine’s Day.

There was a familiar knock about half an hour later. Hector’s face appeared in the doorway. I gestured for him to come in and immediately smelled the comforting aroma of samosas from my favorite nearby restaurant.

I inhaled deeply and enjoyed the sweet and savory aroma. “Pity samosas?”

“Fuck the man samosas.”

Hector closed the door behind him and walked over to my desk. He moved a pile of papers, unpacked lunch, and plopped in my guest chair. “You did a great job. They’re assholes not to accept how much better your idea is.”

I snorted as I grabbed a piece of culinary heaven.

“Are you happy?” Hector asked after I’d taken down two samosas.

My head snapped up. “Of course I am.”

He stared back. “You’ve sure as hell been a lot happier since New Year’s, but I mean, in general. Are youhappy? This job has slowly been sucking the life out of you.”

Hector had never been shy about expressing his concerns over my well-being, but this level of directness was new.Am I happy?The first image that popped into my head was Ethan smiling at something one of his friends said as he held my hand the other night while we watchedGolden Girls. I’d had dinner with my family during the Tap That weekly team meeting, then joined up with them to hang out.

Ethan made me happy. It’d been a while since I could say the same about my job beyond the quick hit of satisfaction after finishing a project or crushing a deal. I’d constantly raced toward the next milestone—get into law school, get the internship, get the job, get senior associate, get on the track to partnership, get named the youngest partner in Sullivan Brothers’ history, get equity partner, and then what? Die from stress and loneliness?

Hector was right. I’d been happy since I met Ethan, which was more important than any job.

“All I want is for you to enjoy life outside these boring greige walls, boss.”

The sincerity in his voice tugged at something. Guilt. My gut twisted at the reminder I’d been lying to Hector. It was time to come clean as Ethan had with his crew. I owed Hector the same respect. He’d always supported me and adored Ethan. When Ethan showed up Monday with lunch out of the blue for Hector and me, I thought Hector had been even more excited to see him than I was.

“I’ve got to tell you something.”

Hector uncrossed his legs and sat more upright in the chair.

I scrubbed my face with my hands. “I need to tell you something. Ethan was pretending to be my boyfriend so I could get partner.”

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