Page 73 of Eternal Hoptimist

“Is it safe to say this is more than the kink 101 class and our arrangement?”

My self-defense mechanism kicked in, making my brain work overtime to process his words. A part of me wanted to tell him I would mess things up. That if we stopped holding on to the thread of our deal, then everything would fall apart because it always did with me. We’d agreed the sex was simply for him to explore his sexual interests and for me to give him a safe space to do that. Feelings weren’t supposed to be involved, but they were. It would be cruel to both of us to deny them.

Gradually, he’d worked his way under my defenses until my fear shifted to being more aboutlosing himthanhurt by him.I wanted him so much that it was worth the risk.

As I glanced around at the budget hotel room with the tub, the champagne he’d had chilled and waiting for us, I had to admit it to him and myself. We both deserved it.

We weren’t even officially dating, and he’d put in more effort for me on Valentine’s Day than anyone I’d dated. I knew in my gut he would have done more if he didn’t think it would freak me out. He’d been so patient with me and my break from dating. As ridiculous as it seemed now.

He nibbled on his lip and kept his hands still on my hips while I processed, giving me the space I needed.

I leaned forward and kissed him—a gentle brush of lips—a promise more than anything. “I think you’ve officially graduated from kink 101. Now it’s no longer a conflict of interest for the student and teacher to…” I trailed off.

His eyebrows tilted hopefully. “To date? For real?”

I waited for the fear to hit. Another heaping of disappointment in myself for not being able to last even two months with my resolution before jumping into something with someone else, but it didn’t come. I realized that if I turned Parker down,thatwould be the coward’s way.

My relationship with Parker was unlike any I’d had before. The guys were right when they said I was myself around him. That meant something, and I owed it to myself to follow through. I’d made that ridiculous resolution because I’d needed a change. The relationship Parker and I builtwasthat change.

“I don’t want to keep pretending, but I’m scared. What if I mess it up? I usually do.”

He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me to his chest.

“I wish you would stop taking all the blame for your past relationships failing. If it doesn’t work out between us, it would be because of me too. I want to try, Ethan. If I don’t, I’ll regret it. I think you would too because we’ve got something special here.”

He rubbed his hand over my back in soothing strokes. “We don’t need to decide anything today. Admitting how we feel aloud, telling each other we both want to try, is enough for now. Let’s take it one day at a time.”

Is it really that simple?

I didn’t need to have it all figured out or scheme to make the relationship last long-term like I had with others. Instead of focusing on reaching some unknown future milestone with Parker, I was content to be held by him and enjoy our first—but maybe not last—Valentine’s Day together. I wouldn’t waste a moment of being present with him wondering if we would be engaged by next February 14thor some other nonsense.One day at a time.

Even if I couldn’t fully trust myself, I could trust Parker. Trust that we were both in it and would try. Trust that we wouldn’t get ahead of ourselves or set unrealistic expectations. I kissed him and focused on enjoying the moment in his arms.

CHAPTER 28

PARKER

Hector:Got your favorite breakfast sandwich and coffee waiting for you. Good luck today! You’re going to crush it!!

Parker:You’re the best. I didn’t grab breakfast today and am so hungry

Hector:I figured

Parker:World’s best assistant

Hector:I know [angel emoji]

* * *

I sat straighter in the familiar cushioned chair within one of our firm’s conference rooms and launched my presentation slides. All eyes were on me, which I was used to in my line of work. Though, rarely was I as invested in the outcome for reasons beyond wanting a win. The LD Development project had become personal as I got to know Ethan and his friends.

I used to think projects like this were great. Portland had a housing crisis, and developments could give people homes. They could bring more people to neighborhoods needing money to thrive. I’d been so naïve. Caleb helped me understand another perspective. How difficult it was for food truck owners to find a stable location, and how expensive condos often pushed out people who’d made their homes in communities because they couldn’t afford it any longer. It was so much more complicated than I’d ever considered. My privilege and constant pursuit of winning had prevented me from understanding how my job impacted the world beyond my clients. I was merely a lawyer and couldn’t solve the housing crisis, but I could try to help my clients in a way that worked for everyone and made their company look better for it.

Hector gave me an encouraging smile from his seat near the door.

“Thank you for joining me today. In light of increasing negative sentiment and community tension around the project and the food truck owners actively opposing the project, I wanted to present you with an alternative to consider.” I flipped to the first slide. “With some minor adjustments to the plan, I believe you could get community buy-in, which might reduce obstacles and accelerate several stages of the project.” I wanted to focus on the legal angle more than human interest since that was what they paid me for.

I talked through the idea of adding food trucks into the plan either through a food court-style space on the ground floor or raising the building to have open space for the food trucks and seating areas with the building lobby on the second floor.

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