Page 58 of Eternal Hoptimist

Dom:I’d pay to see that. I love Rosie

Ethan:She wants me to FaceTime you guys while we’re here so she can say hi

Ethan:It went fine. My parents are as obnoxious as ever

Austin:[eyeroll emoji]

Ty:What does Parker think of the place?

Ethan:Pretty sure he’s a lifetime member of the Rosie fan club now

Dom:Damn right he is. All the best people are

* * *

The moonlight peeking through the curtains cast a soft glow across Parker’s face. His eyes were damp and cheeks flushed as I leaned over him and gently removed the gag from his mouth.

“You were so good for me. So quiet.”

Parker sighed softly as I wiped his sweaty hair back from his forehead. Parker was hesitant to have sex in Rosie’s house, but I’d packed a gag just in case. We hadn’t yet had penetrative sex, but that didn’t affect the intensity or explosiveness of what we did. I wanted him to know penetration wasn’t necessary for immensely satisfying sex.

He’d taken to everything like a champ and excelled at communicating what he liked and didn’t. Gold stars all around. My heart swelled with pride as I kissed his forehead. Through my own satisfied haze, I reached for the water bottle and handed it to him.

“Thanks,” he said with a hoarse voice as he absently traced the Yoshi tattoo on my side.

Having Parker in my hometown—in a bed I’d slept in so often in my childhood—and giving himself to me completely left me more confused than ever. I couldn’t parse out what was real or pretend any longer.

Being around Parker and my family forced me to accept thatrealus andpretendus were the same. There was no difference whether we were alone, in front of people who thought we were friends, or around people who thought we were dating. Aside from adjusting the level of casual touching, nothing changed. I hadn’t anticipated that when I’d suggested our deal. I expected to turn on a persona as I naturally had in my past relationships. Molding myself to be who they wanted, adopting their hobbies and interests, trying to find common ground to a desperate degree. I thought I would pretend to be the accomplished partner of a successful Portland attorney.

Parker wantedme.The same Ethan I was around Austin, Ty, and Dom.

“You’re thinking pretty hard. You okay?” He pulled me onto his chest after passing me the bottle to drink from.

“Lots of thoughts swirling. Nothing bad.”

That was something else I’d immediately loved about our dynamic—something I hadn’t been able to articulate as missing with others—the give and take. How he let me please him and take control while taking care of me in other ways. What was that cliché?You find your person as soon as you stop looking.

I desperately wanted to believe that. Even if I threw in the towel on my break from relationships, it didn’t fix our logistic barriers if we wanted to make it work. There would have to be some serious sacrifices, and I didn’t know how either of us could manage it. Or if it was worth it when odds were, we’d break up anyway.

As I traced my finger along his happy trail, I had to admit my feelings for him were growing faster than a snowball rolling downhill. But it was still new, and I was stillme.People never stuck around. Why would Parker be different?

Even if I were willing to take the risk, I didn’t know how to do it. I loved my job and serving people while getting to know the town. Sure, we could hire staff to cover serving, so I could take on other duties, but that wasmyrole. My quarter of our duties to handle when we’d divvied everything up while making our dream come true. Stepping back from that didn’t sit right with me.

He squeezed me tighter, and I leaned into him while twining my leg between his.

“Is it weird to be back here? We haven’t checked in about it,” he said.

He was right. The first night we were both wiped from traveling and the meeting, and I’d been quiet after dinner with my parents. We’d crashed as soon our heads hit the pillows. Last night we’d talked about Rosie’s situation before I’d edged him with the gag, muffling his delicious sounds as I’d sucked and fingered him. Earlier, after packing and getting ready for bed, he’d grabbed the gag and handed it to me.

“I’m realizing that my parents being disappointed in me doesn’t matter as much as it used to. I might not have the career they wanted for me, the prestige my grandfather expected, a spouse, two-point-five kids, or a beautiful home with a white picket fence, but I love my life. I’ve got Rosie, my sister, the guys, andyou,” I said in a whisper.If I said it any louder, it would blow up in my face.It would be real.

Parker placed his finger under my chin and tilted my head toward him. He kissed me so softly and gently that it brought tears to my eyes. A kiss speaking things I wasn’t ready to say or hear with words.

“My parents and I have different priorities. If they never understand that I’m happy living the life I want, it’s okay. I no longer need their approval.”

“Proud of you. Are you glad you came back?”

“I am. But the fact is that this might be my last night sleeping in this house, and that makes me want to throw up.” I studied the familiar popcorn ceiling and tacky floral wallpaper. “I’m even more fired up to help Rosie save this place. It holds my best childhood memories. I’ve got to do everything I can to save it for her.”

---