Page 34 of Eternal Hoptimist

“I had fun too. Possibly the most fun I’ve had since New Year’s Eve,” I said to my plate.Where the hell is this shyness coming from? I’m a badass attorney with a reputation for making my opponents crack. I can’t make eye contact with a guy I’m crushing on when I say something sincere?When I found the nerve to face him, his smile ensnared me.

I should be an adult and address the elephant in the room. The cozy, comfy, slept-like-a-log elephant. “And thanks for being so cool about everything. Sleeping with me while I was being a needy baby and being a good listener when I severely overshared.” My neck flushed at the memory. “I promise I won’t make a habit of being that obnoxious.”

Ethan stared at me, assessing. I didn’t move for several long moments.

“I can help you explore kink.”

My bite went down the wrong pipe. Through my coughs, I managed to ask him to repeat what he said.

Ethan stood, walked to the kitchen, and poured me a glass of water. He took each step with purpose—shoulders squared, back erect, expression serious—as he returned to me. He set the water next to my hand. “I said, if you’re interested, I would be happy to help you with kink exploration.”

There was something about the way he took care of me and the timbre of his voice that undid me as I took a sip.

“So good for me. One more drink,” Ethan praised.

A full-body shiver ran through me, and I caught Ethan’s smirk before he covered it with his mug again. The hair all over my body stood on end as he stared at me. I shifted in my seat.Wasn’t there a kink for liking praise?Go me. My first real kink uncovered.

“Can you clarify what you’re suggesting?”

Ethan leaned back in the chair. “We could add a dynamic to our agreement. Sex with the focus on exploring specific kinks or kink experimenting without sex. Think of it as a kink 101 course. You’re a lawyer, so you must be a responsible student.”

Student-teacher kink? Liking that too.It took me three attempts to swallow because my mouth was suddenly drier than the Atacama Desert. “Are you experienced then? With kink?”

“I’ve experimented with a fair number of kinks and enjoy a wide variety of them, but I’m not involved in any specific scene. I have enough experience that I could help you get a taste of what’s available. That way, you could articulate what you want to explore more deeply or avoid. With a future partner.” He cleared his throat and looked away.

Hearing him say “future partner” left a sour taste in my mouth. “Why would you do that for me?”

Ethan shrugged, but there was nothing nonchalant about it. “It’s not exactly a hardship to find ways to make a gorgeous guy have fun.” He flashed a flirty smile. “Not to mention, if we’re having sex, our relationship will be more believable. You need to seem relaxed, or everyone will think I’m terrible in bed.”

I laughed. “You’re an ass.” I kicked his foot under the table. “Maybe we can make a contract. Make this lawyering thing sexy,” I teased.

His expression grew more serious. “Actually, that’s a great idea. It would keep things from getting messy. I can list some things to explore and send you information to research so you could consider more specifics of what you might be interested in trying.”

I had whiplash from the cold turn of the conversation, but I shouldn’t be surprised. Ethan had been very clear from the beginning that he wasn’t interested in dating. Sleeping together sure as hell skirted the line. No matter what we called it. If this idea got me access to a naked Ethan? I would honor whatever emotional distance I needed to.

While we finished breakfast, Ethan explained the traffic light system and the importance of consent. The more he spoke, the better the idea sounded.That’s my lonely dick talking.

When I opened my mouth to agree, I said, “I need to give it some thought.” What I’dmeantto say was,can we start now?

Ethan’s smile was kind and reassuring. “Of course. It’s absolutely okay if you’re not interested. The idea occurred to me, and I thought it could be a safe option for you to explore in a no-strings environment if you’re comfortable with me in that way. You’re in complete control here.”

I nodded. I couldn’t think of a reason not to do it, which told me I needed to give it more thought. Usually, I was lightning-fast in brainstorming pros and cons for any situation, and I could talk myself out of anything. Every part of me screaming I needed to accept his offer told me I needed to pause and consider it.

With Ethan working so hard to help Rosie, always helping his friends, going above and beyond to be my fake boyfriend—I knew I had to be careful. Careful of taking too much from him.

CHAPTER 12

ETHAN

Team Tap That Group Text

Ethan:Got all your requests, but I can’t make them all happen and get to work on time.

Ty:Donuts?

Ethan:I’ll do you one better [picture of cronut case]

Ty:My hero

---