Page 84 of The Bargain

Here she goes. I cracked my neck and finished my glass in one go. “Don't start, Lea. I’m busy and he’s just a baby.”

“Busy doing what?” She gestured around my office and glaringly empty desk. “Sulking like a five-year-old?” She shook her head. “I never took you for an avoider, Deano. Another issue to add to your list.”

“I’m not avoiding her.”

When she smirked, I realized my slip up. She’s never said I was avoidingher.

I stood up briskly and walked to the bar. “I won't become our father. I won’t be a lovesick fool!”

“There’s nothing wrong with being deeply in love.” She moved to stand on the other side of the bar. “Is that why you were a monster to her? Because you knew she had the potential to break you? Well let me tell you the truth, brother, she already did - with her gentleness and her heart, she did it. She unraveled you and you were too stupid to see it.”

“I don't love her,” I said stubbornly even as my stomach dropped with the force of my own lie.

“Yes, you do!” she cried out with exasperation. “I watched you trap yourself in your work after dad died. You’ve let it swallow you until you turned into this terrifying corporate king in a self-imposed, unfeeling prison. And it broke my heart, Deano. It really did. But this woman, she woke it all up, the good and the bad, the passion, the jealousy, the love, the need…She breathed life into you, Dean. Don’t waste this second chance at living.”

After rubbing my face wearily, I took a sip of my drink.

“Why are you hiding here, Deano? Are you scared that being too close to her in Philly will be an issue? That all it will take is one night in an alcohol daze and you’ll go to her and admit it?”

I glared at her as I walked back to my seat. Ignoring me, she helped herself to a cola bottle from the mini-fridge. Her accusation was partially true, but it was more than that. This manor was the only place that carried memories of her, and the masochist part of me fed on them.

“You’re just too terrified to let her love you too. Tell me why? Don’t you think you deserve to be loved?”

“It’s more complicated than that.”

She sighed. “You deserve someone like her, Dean, and she is not mom.”

“It’s not-”

She raised her hand to stop me from talking. “Amber is a hundred percent real, no matter the lies she told you. You can’t just let her in a little bit. It’s all or nothing with women like her.” She rounded the desk and stopped in front of me. “She doesn't accept that she loves you because she doesn't think she’s enough. But she’s exactly what you need, exactly what you want.” She rested her hand over my galloping heart. “Let yourself fall, Dean. Let yourself be vulnerable. Let yourself love and be loved.”

I rested my hand on top of hers. “What if it’s not enough? What if my shortcomings are too great?”

“They aren't.”

“What if they are,” I insisted.

“You’re miserable and she is too. You owe it to her and yourself to at least try. Amber is probably the most forgiving, sweetest, and softest woman I know. If she can’t do it, nobody can. You showed her most of your monster, but she stayed. She managed to fall for you through all the darkness. Show her the greatness, the passion that I know is in you Deano, and she’ll be yours.”

“I’ll think about it. “

She smiled. “You do that,” she announced as if she knew she’d won… And admittedly, she had.

“Why are you doing this?” I asked just as she was about to leave like she came, like an infuriatingly pushy Love fairy.

“Why?” She turned around, resting her back against the door. “Because I want you to be happy, because I think it’s time for the Beaumont men to break the cycle, because I think that’s what you need.” She shrugged. “Take your pick. Also, you’ll totally owe me and have to call your first-born after me.”

I laughed a little at that. Leave it to Lea to find the humor in my fall. “What if it’s a boy?” I asked, playing along.

“Leo is a very nice name.” She wiggled her fingers at me, waving goodbye. “See you soon, brother. Don’t miss this shot.”

And as suddenly as she’d come, she was gone.

I shook my head. Resting my elbows on the desk, I rubbed my face wearily.

I missed Amber, of course, I did, but the guilt of all the things I’d said and done to her weighed on me. If I were her, I would never forgive me.

She is not you Dean, that’s the point.She is everything you’re not. Something to be grateful for.

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