Page 33 of Smooth Sailing

I’d just never noticed.

“I don’t know what he expected you to be,” she carried on. “I fell in love with him and married him, and I’m not even sure what he expected me to be. I just know it’s all about expectations with Nolan, and the only one who meets them is him. He just doesn’t see that’s because he can control what’s expected of him, he can decide if it’s worthwhile pursuing, then, if it is, meet that challenge. He can’t do that to other human beings. You have to make your own goals and reach for them. He can’t do it for you.”

Oh yeah.

Wisdom sometimes totally sucked.

I mean, I knew all of this, of course. But having it confirmed was another matter, and for some reason, it didn’t make me feel validated.

It reminded me of how I used to feel.

Like I’d forever be a disappointment to Dad, no matter how hard I tried not to be.

And this in turn reminded me, just that day, he’d told me he was proud of me in a way I knew he meant it, something I’d wanted from him all my life.

“You should have dinner with him, Di,” she said softly.

“Nic.” That was all I could get out, because, yeah…

I still heard the entreaty in his tone when he asked me. I could also feel the sharp pang it sent through me.

“And as much as it alarms me four strange men showed in your complex to offer to help, I trust you’re a good judge of character. So you need to work with these bikers to get Suzette somewhere so people who can truly help her are helping her,” she concluded.

I’d already figured that part out.

“I’m on board with that,” I shared. “I don’t know what I was thinking. I should have let Detective Scott take care of her.”

“Has she explained why she’s all on her own yet?”

Suzette hadn’t exactly opened up. And when I said that, I meant at all.

I just knew there was no boyfriend, apparently no close friends, and her parents were a no-go subject. I didn’t even know if she was ditching a job by holing herself up at my place, or where she lived before she came to me.

So yeah again…

Oh yeah.

This was a complete mess, and I’d stepped right into it.

“I haven’t thought it wise to push her,” I said.

“It probably isn’t, but eventually, she’s going to have to come back to the land of the living. What’s going to be required of her to see this through takes mettle. Everyone needs time to lick their wounds. But you can’t keep licking them, or they’ll never close.”

They’ll never close.

Dang, crap, shit.

Shit.

Sensing my epiphany with her kickass ex-stepmom powers, she called, “Di?”

“I did that, didn’t I? After what happened in Tucson, not with that guy. With Dad. I didn’t let the wounds close.”

“No, baby, you didn’t,” she said gently.

I let my forehead fall forward until it butted against the glass. “I think Dad misses me.”

Nicole was silent.

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