Page 58 of Lose You to Find Me

In fact, they never talk about their past. Unlike Caleb’s parents, who love reminiscing about their dating days, my parents seem to avoid the topic as if it’s the last thing they want to remember.

Caleb turns to me, his cheeks turning pink when he admits, “I think it’s true. I knew I wanted you in my life the day I first saw you. It was the first time I ever came up to you in the hall at school.”

I make a face. “But the day we started talking, I had spitballs in my hair from Sean Puglisi. They were so tangled I nearly cried. Mom even found a few in my hair later that night.”

He shrugs easily. “Yeah, but you didn’t cry. And you didn’t make a scene or be mean to him either, like Katie did when he did it to her. You just asked him to stop. You were always nice to everyone, and I liked that.”

Sean had started acting out after his grandpa died that year. Most people knew his grandparents were the ones who raised him. I figured he was probably hurting and that was his way of showing it. Mom said Aunt Tiffany did that when their father died. Grief does funny things to people.

“So you wanted me in your life because I was nice about the spitballs?”

That pink in his cheeks deepens as he goes back to staring at the computer screen. “I wanted you in my life for a lot of reasons. Spitballs and all. I just…knew.”

My hand goes to a lock of my hair, absentmindedly touching the strands as if I’d find something gross tangled in there. When I don’t, I make myself lower my hand and move on to the next question. “Was there anything you two disagreed on that threatened your relationship?”

He chuckles. “Of course we disagreed. There isn’t one couple who doesn’t have their fair share of arguments. If that threatens the relationship, then you’re not with the right person.”

I find myself nodding, jotting down a single word and underlining it.Secure.

It makes me start to evaluate all the little things about the way I was with Caleb, knowing that’s the last word I’d describe myself with. I don’t envy Leon though, because he lost his wife. I may not have Caleb anymore, but at least he’s still here.

“You look deep in thought,” he notes.

I snap myself out of it. “Sorry. Thinking.”

“About?” he presses with interest.

Sighing, I reach for the muffin I have no appetite for. “Life. Love.”

Leon’s eyes glint with amusement. “Those are two things we can get a little too lost in trying to figure out the answers to.”

My head tilts as I take that in. “Isn’t it human nature to want the answers?”

A thoughtful noise comes from him. “I suppose. Take it from an old man with a lot of life experience. The more we search for answers, the more questions we have. That’s no way to live your life, kid.”

Chapter Twenty

CALEB

“Dude,” Matt groans,setting his pen down on his notebook and leaning back in the chair. “That’s the fourth time you sighed. Is your infrastructure homework as boring as it sounds or what?”

I stare down at the highlighted section of text I marked up fifteen minutes ago. I’ve read it three times, and nothing seems to be sticking. “I have some shit on my mind.”

“With your dad or…?”

None of my friends have asked about Raine, even though we’ve become the talk of the town since I escorted her from Bea’s with her bloody hand wrapped. It hasn’t escaped people that we showed up to the hospital together but didn’t leave together. Have I been avoiding people so I wouldn’t need to talk about the events of that day? Yeah. But I can’t keep doing it forever.

“Life,” I finally reply to Matt. Talking with Dad made me feel calmer than I had been in a while. All the shit piling on me is still there, but I know I have people to talk to about it with who won’t judge me. Dad. Mom. My friends. “Can I ask you something? No bullshit answers either.”

Matt’s brows arch. “Uh, I guess.”

“You never really talk about your parents, so I don’t know what your situation is with them. But do you ever worry that something you do is going to fuck everything up with them?”

He stares at me for a second. “Wow. Wasn’t expecting that.” My buddy scrubs his neck. “My parents are good people. Blue collar. Keep to themselves. I guess when you have something healthy with people, there’s never really anything to talk about. I never think to bring them up. But they…yeah, they made my life good. Better than it probably would have been if I’d had any other family.”

My brows pinch at the odd choice of words, and then they relax when he sees the confusion on my face and says, “I was adopted. It was closed. My parents are the only ones I know. Like I said, good people. Great people, actually.”

Wow. Nobody would have known that if he didn’t say something. He even sort of looks like his dad.

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