Page 36 of Lose You to Find Me

“Did you date anyone before DJ?”

Skylar looks at me, her brow unfurrowing as if she understands where I’m going with this. “Not anything serious, but yes. I had one relationship before him.”

I nod. “I haven’t. It’s always been…” Well, it hasn’t always been Caleb, but if I brought up Cody, people probably would think I broke up with Caleb solely because I wanted to explore other options.

Did I try using that as an excuse when Caleb pressured me for a reason after I told him no? Yes, I did. It was a cop-out that I’m not proud of, but I thought it was better than the truth.

Maybe if he was angry at me for worrying I was settling down with the wrong person, he’d be able to move on with someone who can give him the legacy he’s always wanted to build. The children and house with a white picket fence.

It hurts way too much to think about, but that’s my burden to bear. Not Skylar’s, Caleb’s, or anybody else’s problem.

“I have a lot to figure out, Sky. Things I wish I could have done before he asked me to marry him and things I’m probably still avoiding a little. But some feelings have to be dealt with on your own without any other influence, and I knew I wouldn’t be able to sort them out if we were together. I was scared to tell him yes, and the next thing I knew I was being escorted away from the football field by my family.”

I’m still mortified by the experience. I’d rather not think about it, but more times than not it’s the last thing that replays in my head before I manage to sleep at night. His face is melded into my mind, the expression he gave me a combination of pure shock and heartbreak.

The blond across from me reaches over and squeezes my hand once. “I’m sure it couldn’t have been an easy choice. Do you think you two will ever…?”

That’s the million-dollar question that everybody wants to know. Do I have feelings for him? Yes. But has anything really changed since turning him down? No. Because he doesn’t know how deep my problems go—the same ones that would inevitably impact him if I were finally honest with him about them. Where would that leave us even if we jumped back in headfirst? Not anywhere healthy.

“It’s not really up to me,” I admit, rubbing my arm before picking up a highlighter.

We fall back to silence again save the people talking at the tables around us.

Skylar clears her throat after a few minutes and pulls out her phone. “Olive and I are planning on going to this open mic night at Hulbert. I’m not sure if that’s your thing, but you’re welcome to come.”

I nibble my bottom lip. “When is it?”

“Thursday night.” She smiles. “I don’t know if you’ve got any other plans since it’s Halloween. We were planning on meeting at Bea’s, actually, to grab food beforehand. We could all meet up and then head over if you’re not working a shift that night.”

I won’t know my schedule until tomorrow, which I tell her. “I’ll let you know,” I promise. It might be good to go out. I’ve had people invite me to things before, but usually Caleb and I would do something else. I never thought he’d enjoy open mic nights. Most of his friends would tease the people brave enough to perform or crack jokes there, and even though he’s not like them, I never wanted him to be bored. So I didn’t bother going to stuff like that.

Her eyes go down to her phone before that friendly smile grows into something much bigger. “Danny is on his way now. He’s trying to convince me that we need a tortoise. Long story. I’ll fill you in another time. Anyway, let me know about open mic night when you know your schedule.”

I give her a nod before waving her off when DJ walks in a few minutes later. He puts his arm around Skylar’s shoulders, tugging her into a frontal hug and pressing a kiss against the top of her head. Those two have been cute since day one. There’s still a tiny piece of jealousy that makes itself known when it has no right. When I force myself to look away, I notice the new person who walked into the library after them.

And he’s looking right at me.

I expect him to walk away or head toward the table Skylar and DJ have sat down at. Instead, Caleb beelines right for me. I have to swallow the weird choking noise when he stops right where Skylar was sitting only minutes before. He doesn’t sit down, simply stands and watches me watch him back.

Then he says, “Thank you.”

Two words.

I fidget, feeling eyes on us.

I wanted to hear from him, but I’m surprised it’s face-to-face. A text would have been better. A lot less personal.

His lips press together as he dips his chin and picks at his shirt. “Some things are better said in person,” he says as if he can read my mind. “This is one of them. I appreciate you calling the cops and getting them there before more could be taken at the store. I know that’s probably what you came over to say before I acted like an ass toward you the other day. You didn’t deserve that.”

“Is everything okay?” For some reason, I feel the need to elaborate. “With the store, I mean. Did they get any money or do a lot of damage?”

He shifts on his feet uncomfortably. “It will be. They couldn’t get into the register, but they took some expensive stuff to make up for it.” His eyes finally lift to mine before a small sigh escapes those downturned lips. “It was my fault,” he mumbles.

My brows pinch. “How?”

“I forgot to lock the door. I was tired and not thinking straight.”

I frown. “You can’t blame yourself for other people’s actions. They chose to rob the place whether the door was locked or not. Do the police have any leads?”

---