Page 37 of Lose You to Find Me

“The cameras picked up a little bit. It’s fuzzy, but it’s something to work with.”

All I can manage is “Good.”

His throat clears. “Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you. So…”

“Yeah.”

“Okay.”

He still stands there.

I still stare at him.

“I know you don’t want to,” I say quietly, feeling a little awkward for bringing it up, “but I still think we should talk about what happened between us. Just for some clarity.”

He doesn’t look particularly thrilled at the idea of discussing our hookup, even two months after it happened. Not that I can say I am. “Look, it was a one-time thing. Right? I just assumed we were both in the moment because we’re not together anymore. I was emotional. I don’t know what else to say about it.”

It takes me a few seconds to figure out how to respond, feeling the weight of his uncertainty absorb into my chest. I don’t know what I expected him to say, but it wasn’t that.

“Right.” Why does my heart ache so much right now? “Yeah. It didn’t mean anything. I guess I just wanted to clear the air. Make sure you’re…okay.”

Okay is the last thing Caleb is, and we both know it. The two of us haven’t changed and neither has our situation.

Caleb begins to say something else, his lips parting, before he apparently second-guesses himself and turns to leave.

“Wait,” I call out before he can walk away again. He glances at me hesitantly. This time, it’s me who struggles to find the right words. Shoulders drooping, I shake my head and tell myself to stop being a coward. “If you need anything, let me know. I know we’re not together, but I can help clean up the store if you haven’t finished yet. I’m still here.”

I’m still here for youis what I don’t say, hoping he’ll read between the lines.

His lips press together before he nods once and says, “Okay.”

Okay.That word again. Something tells me he won’t be reaching out for help.

From the corner of my eye, I see both Skylar and DJ giving me sympathetic looks when Caleb walks away. I bet that’s how they looked at him the day of graduation when I was the one doing the escaping.

*

For the longesttime, there were only three places in Lindon that I considered my safe places—Bea’s Bakery, the football house where Caleb and some of his teammates used to live, and the campus library. I never told people that my parents’ constant arguing was a reason I preferred staying out of the house for as long as I could growing up or why I settled for the sorority house even though the girls were catty and never had anything nice to say about one another half the time. The football house was a peaceful getaway, and I enjoyed spending time there, even when the boys would get a little too competitive playing video games or tease me and Caleb if we went upstairs.

Living back at home is different now. It’s quieter without Dad and a little isolating because Mom stays busy with her tailoring gigs that leave us on opposite sides of the house when we’re both here. I thought I’d like it that way, but I was wrong.

When I walk into the kitchen, I see a note on the whiteboard on the fridge that says Mom went to meet with Dad and their lawyers.

Grabbing a water, my keys, and my bag, I head out the door and offer a small smile to the elderly man next door. Mr. Applebee barely talks to anybody, but he’s always outside working on his beautiful garden. Sometimes I wonder what his life story is, but Mom and Dad always told me to mind my own business instead of asking a million questions like I tend to do.

“Hi, Mr. Applebee,” I greet in passing, noting the bright red tomatoes he’s picking from what must be the last crop of the season. “It looks like you’ve got a better crop this year. I heard people saying they were having issues with their tomatoes last year because of the bugs.”

When I was a teenager, my parents thought it’d be fun to have our own garden. We spent weeks building a section in the backyard for it, with the help of Caleb and his father at the hardware store supplying helpful tips, tricks, and supplies, only for all the plants to die looking sad and diseased. Mom said she didn’t want to waste more time and money trying to grow anything else, so the cute garden bed we spent so much time on is now all grown in.

My neighbor simply nods once and goes back to the tomatoes. I shrug it off and head down the sidewalk, hoping a walk in the fresh air will help me clear my head and get me in the mindset to get some work done. I have a pile of reading to do by tomorrow that I’ve barely touched because my mind has been elsewhere.

I’m walking toward the entrance of the local park that has my favorite walking trail when I see a dog sniffing one of the garbage cans on the corner. There’s no collar on the tiny gray puppy that can’t be more than a couple of months old.

“Hey, cutie,” I greet, cautiously approaching the friendly dog. It looks like it could be some sort of pit bull mix. Whatever it is, it’s adorable. I crouch down and reach out carefully to let it sniff my fingers before a cute pink tongue darts out and licks me. “You’re far too little to be wandering out here alone, especially by the busy street.”

I glance around to see if anyone is searching for him and frown when I realize it’s only me out here. Sitting down on the concrete, I watch as the animal slowly approaches me with a little waddle that makes me smile.

The smile grows when he steps onto my leg and wags his tail so hard his butt wiggles. “Do you believe in fate? I’ve always wanted a dog of my own, and maybe now is the perfect time.”

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