Page 98 of Lose You to Find Me

Caleb’s blank expression shadows with every word I say, and he remains silent as I blink back more tears and swallow heavily.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

We lock eyes. “You wanted the one thing I couldn’t give you, so I did the only thing I could think of to make sure you’d be happy. One day.”

His head slowly shakes back and forth as if he knows what I’m going to say and refuses to accept it.

“I let you go.”

For what feels like forever, there’s nothing but silence. We stare at one another with two very different emotions on our faces.

Mine with reluctant relief.

And his…shock. And something else.

Then he says, “What the fuck?”

His hands go to his hair, fingers scraping through the long strands as he backs up and starts pacing. It’s his go-to when he needs to process something.

Back and forth.

Back and forth.

Even Sigmund watches, his head moving to follow Caleb’s every step.

“Are you telling me that you broke up with me because of this?” he asks, stopping to turn to me. There’s a tiny muscle in his temple that’s twitching right now.

“Yes.”

More twitching.

“How do you even know that you can’t have kids? I don’t get it.”

Tell him, the voice inside me encourages.

There’s no going back from it.

My hands shake as I reach for Sigmund, touching his side to feel grounded. “You’ll hate me,” I tell him.

The question he asks next is delivered in a cool tone. “Wasn’t that the plan all along? Why hold back now?”

He’s always been too smart for his own good, which is why lying is pointless. It’s too tiring to keep it all straight. The half-truths and white lies and partial recognitions of reality.

It’s all or nothing.

I give it all.

And I’ll get nothing.

Another cycle.

Endless and ugly.

So I tell him. Everything.

All the dirty details.

---