Page 51 of Lose You to Find Me

Pathetically, I whisper, “Breaking us up. Hooking up with people. Was allthatshit worththis?” I gesture toward her stomach, eyes focusing a little too hard on her torso hidden beneath my unzipped jacket and a typical tee with Bea’s logo on the corner pocket. The baggy material offers no insight as to what lies underneath.

Raine stares at me for a few long, tense seconds before she repositions herself so she’s facing me. “Listen to me right now, Caleb Zachery Anders, because I’m only going to say thisonetime.”

My eyebrows shoot up at her hard tone and angry gaze. I’m smart enough not to say anything before she enlightens me on whatever I need to hear. I’ve learned a time or two in the past that it’s not smart to cut in when she’s feeling feisty, especially when the middle name is dropped. Except those times typically led to something a lot more fun in apology than what I anticipate this conversation will lead to.

“I’ve had sex withone person”—she sticks up her good hand with only the pointer finger up, though I’m sure that’s not the one she’d prefer using—“since the breakup.One.If you’re as good at math as you used to be, you can figure out who that person is. And even if that were different, you have no reason to judge me for sleeping with anyone else when we’re not together.

“I wasconfusedandlostwhen you asked me to marry you. That’s the truth. I had a lot to think about that would impactbothof our lives if I agreed. I hurt you, and I’ve already told you how sorry I am for that. But this? This temper tantrum you’re throwing is ridiculous. You have no idea what you’re talking about right now. I’m not pregnant, yougoddamnjackass.” She looks at me with tears springing into her eyes that she quickly blinks away. “This conversation is not helping anything. I know you’re going through a lot right now, but I am too. I don’t need you being mean to me to add to it. So I think you should go.”

She’s really only ever been with me?

The thought comes crashing into me.

Because I haven’t just been with her.

My throat thickens. “Raine—”

“I saidgo, Caleb. You don’t need to be here. Thanks for the ride, but I’ll figure out how to get home. You’ve done enough.”

The curtain moves behind me, and a throat clears, turning my attention over my shoulder to see Emma standing there. Her eyebrows arch as she looks between Raine and me and says, “I think you should listen to your…friend. Come on.”

She doesn’t work on this floor, which means one of her coworkers must have paged her to come down and get me before I made more of a scene. Great. That means the chances of Dad hearing that I’m here with Raine are pretty likely. Whenever he’s not sleeping, he’s listening to the gossip surrounding this place, whether it’s with patients or staff.

Raine looks between me and Emma, whose hand is on my shoulder, trying to get me to turn around and follow her out. There’s surprise on her face that I can’t figure out. They wouldn’t know each other, would they?

My ex’s expression drains, turning into an empty void that offers little emotion. “It looks to me like I’m not the one who’s been busy after graduation. So don’t be a hypocrite. It’s not a good look on you.”

Swallowing, I feel a lump in the back of my throat that makes it hard to talk. My voice is hoarse when I say, “I just assumed that you…”

Emma squeezes my shoulder. “Come on.”

“The fact that you assumed I screwedChrissays a lot more about you than it does me. And you know what? Just so we’re clear, he kissed me. I never kissed him back though. If he claimed anything else happened between us, it’s his hurt pride talking.”

“I made a mistake. I—”

“I did too, by having sex with you again,” she says, cutting me off coolly, looking away from me to end the conversation. “So much for it being a one-time thing, huh? I was dumb enough to think that it somehow would help you. That it would make both of us feel better, like our company always did before. We werebothemotional that day, and that night in the truck. And look where it led us. Fighting. Pointing fingers.”

Heart tightening, all I can do is stare.

I guess she’s not wrong though.

The sex should have never happened, especially with this outcome. But there’s nothing we can do to change that now.

I step toward her, lowering my voice and asking, “You’re really not…?” My eyes dip down to her stomach again.

Her eyes stay focused on the section of curtain in front of her. Weakly, she replies, “No, I’m not.”

Lips pressed together, I heave out a heavy sigh, feeling like a complete asshole. “What do we do now?”

“I’m going to get my hand fixed up, and you’re going to go with your friend.” She says “friend” like she’s in pain, still not bothering to so much as glance in my direction for a heartbeat too long. Then she lets loose a sigh, clenches her eyelids closed for a moment, and opens them in my direction. “But there is no ‘we,’ Caleb. Because the man I knew wouldn’t have said any of that to me.”

My stomach drops. “I didn’t mean it.”

She leans back. “Yes, you did.”

Knowing there’s nothing I can say right now, I let Emma guide me out, realizing she more than likely heard what Raine said.

“I’m sorry,” I tell the woman walking silently alongside me.

---