Page 19 of Lose You to Find Me

I tuck my hands into the pockets of my jeans, looking around the store. It’s just us. No other customers or workers. I bet his mom is at the hospital with his dad.

“I’m sorry.”

We both know the apology is for more than just his father’s health. It’s for everything. All the years. All the hurt. Everything I threw away. For the past, the present, and whatever the future holds.

Caleb, for once, says nothing to me.

It’s bittersweet.

Emotion crams into my throat, choking me. I can’t swallow. Can barely breathe. My eyes water as I make a single decision. “I had so much to think about this summer and none of it helped like I thought it would. It was lonelier than I thought it’d be.”

Once again, he’s silent.

“I want you to know how sorry I am for walking away. I don’t know what I’m doing or where I’m going in life anymore. I’m just…” He doesn’t need this pointless rambling when the last thing I should do is to make this about me. “I’m just sorry. You’ve gone through a lot, and you don’t deserve it.”

His dark eyes glaze before his lips press into a solid line. If he wants to say anything, he’s not allowing himself to. Not that I blame him. I threw away a lot of years together.

The only thing I can think to do is walk around the counter, stop right in front of him, and hesitate for only a second before wrapping my arms around his tense torso.

He’s also lost weight. He was lean before thanks to his position on the football team, but now I can feel bones that used to have a little more muscle on them that are no longer padded.

Two broken people.

I don’t expect him to do anything.

Not hug me back.

Not say a word.

I only want him to know I care, no matter in what capacity. Because I do, and I always will, no matter how conflicted I am about how or why things ended.

So when he looks down at me, the few inches of difference between us making his gaze feel that much harder on my face as we stare at each other, I don’t expect him to bend down and kiss me. Or to back me into the counter. And I definitely don’t expect him to pull me in to him so close our bodies are melded together, until I feel everything.

Everything.

I gasp into his mouth when he picks me up by my hips and sets me onto the countertop. On top of the paperwork, receipts, and scribbled-on inventory sheets he’s obviously been working on for a while.

We kiss for what feels like hours when it’s more like seconds. His hands are on me, mine on him, and I realize this may be what he needs.

I don’t stop him when he walks away.

Don’t say a word when he locks the front door and flips theOPENsign toCLOSED.

Don’t voice my concerns when he walks back over to me, spreads my legs, and moves between them with an obvious intention.

He needs this.

So I’ll give it to him.

Anything for Caleb.

It’s me who kisses him again.

It’s me who tugs on his shirt.

But it’s him who groans, popping the button on my pants and sliding down the zipper before reminding me exactly how good he is with his hands.

Not a single word is uttered as we shed the bottom layers of our clothing, devour each other’s mouths, and prepare each other for what’s about to happen.

---