Page 20 of Lose You to Find Me

I bite my bottom lip when he guides himself to my entrance, not hesitating once before pushing in until he’s fully seated.

And it feels like no time has passed at all.

The only noise that fills the empty hardware store is the sound of our heavy panting and the noises coming from me every single time he pumps into me.

There’s no praise.

No gentle coaxing.

No dirty talk.

Just sex.

It’s never been just sex with us.

And when he’s close, I pull him into me and hold him there, hugging my arms tightly around his neck until he makes a distressed noise and jerks inside me until he’s coming.

We stay like that.

For one second.

Two.

Five.

After about thirty, he pulls out, leans his forehead against mine, and shakes his head. I don’t know what to say when he offers me a paper towel to clean up with or what to do when he walks into the back room after fastening his jeans and clenching the back of his neck without so much as a second look in my direction.

So I do the only thing I know how to.

I gather what little is left of my pride, readjust my clothing, and walk away.

Chapter Eight

CALEB

Itoss thefootball back to DJ, who’s grinning at me after I spilled my guts to him. “I don’t see what the big deal is,” he tells me.

My mood, which hasn’t been stable in months anyway, hasn’t been quite right ever since Raine showed back up in town. It’s been hard not to stalk her social media pages every day to see where she is, what she’s up to, or if she’s seeing somebody else. I’ve told myself the only reason that she ended things was because she wasn’t sure she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me. She must have been confused since there was nothing to compare our relationship to. What else could she have been confused about?

It doesn’t make it easier, but at least it’s a reason I can let myself accept because it wasn’t me or something I did.

As shitty as it is, Dad’s condition has helped distract me from investing too much time in my ex-girlfriend and her whereabouts or how good it felt to be inside her again.

“We broke up” is how I reply, voice monotone at the obvious reminder. I catch the ball he throws at me, gripping the sides and staring a little too hard at it. DJ told me I was always calmer whenever we played, which is why I’m out here when I have better places to be, but this doesn’t seem to be helping any. “I shouldn’t have had sex with her, especially not like that. It was…”

I slept like shit last night thinking about what I did, replaying how I hid in the back office like a fucking coward until I heard Raine leave. I don’t know if it was what she said that led me to making a move or if it was my emotions getting the better of me. I was pissed off because of life, because of Dad, because of how hard I’m struggling with school, and not even her apology made me feel better. If anything, it made me angrier—more confused. Because I don’t know if I can believe it.

Hearing her say she’s sorry doesn’t really mean anything if it doesn’t change anything. Yet I still made a move so I could feel something other than bitterness.

All it did was remind me that I’m still not over her, which makes me feel even shittier for trying so hard to convince Emma to give me a shot. The second Raine touched me, I couldn’t think of anybody else. Only her.

DJ’s laugh causes me to lift my gaze and glare in his direction. “Dude, you hooked up with an ex. We’ve literally all been there. Be real with yourself. It’s only been a few months, and you were together for years. Addicts always go back to their fixes at least once before they finally sober up. Hell, I’d say you’re doing pretty good.”

My nostrils twitch as I throw the ball at him with more force than necessary. “Don’t compare those situations. She’s not my drug. She’s…”What the hell is she?

When it’s obvious I’m in no mood for messing around, DJ sighs half-heartedly. “Look, man. You know I like Raine. I like you too. It’s hard trying to figure out the right things to say because I know you’re hurting, and I suck at the heart-to-heart shit. But don’t beat yourself up over this. It happened. The only thing you can do now is move forward. You have to focus on you at some point. Not Raine. Not Emma. You’ve got bigger fish to fry right now.”

Knowing he’s right, I shake my head and roll my shoulders. “When did you become so wise? It’s a little freaky, dude.”

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