Page 68 of Saving the Halfback

“Lach…I wanted to ask you something.”

When Bailey had called me early this morning, asking me what she had, it took everything in me not to go into a fit of rage. To just listen to her without demanding answers from her. I was glad the drugs were hitting my system now. I needed her to know she was always safe coming to me. I sat back and nodded for her to continue.

“When we were talking, and you told me about what happened, you said it felt wrong.” She frowned, and it struck me that this was something she must’ve been thinking about for a while. “You said you liked her, she was pretty, so why was it wrong? If you like someone shouldn’t you just automatically do it? For them?”

I snorted. “I thought Ms. Becker in sixth grade was pretty too. Does that mean she has the right to take advantage of me?”

Her shoulders deflated. “No.”

I sighed. “It was wrong because, even though I found her attractive, it was something I didn’t want. Not every guy has sex on the mind all the time. No matter what her feelings were, she didn’t listen to mine. It’s give and take, not give and give until the only thing left inside of you are scars and resentment.”

“Is that what’s inside of you? Scars and resentment?”

“Used to be.”

“That summer you went to jail, I tried to patch things up with Chase and Ethan, but I couldn’t get them to even be in the same room. My ex was there. Looking back now, I see he made me feel like he was the only important person in my life. That I was abandoned and unworthy, and he was my savior.”

One…two…three…four…five… I couldn’t lose it. I tried to take steadying breaths and be the listening ear Bailey needed right now.

“He drove me to the first day of high school. I remember him telling me high school boys only had one thing in mind, that they would hurt me again and again, just like Chase, Ethan, and you had. It felt wrong, but I trusted him. Then he gave me the ultimatum. I either had to choose to have him in my life and he would take care of me, or I could choose you guys. I think he knew what he was doing. I was fourteen when I met him, but he made me comfortable until we had sex when I was sixteen. He had me look up the legal age to prove to me it would be okay.” She stayed quiet for long moments before adding, “If you’re filled with scars and resentment, I’m filled with scars and regrets.”

She held her hand out, and I placed the pipe within it. She took a small hit herself this time, going slow, so as not to trigger another coughing fit, then leaned back against the tree behind us, looking up at the branches and the leaves, just as I had so many times before. She was deep in thought, so I remained quiet. This place, getting high and getting away, allowed time to think. And sometimes, time to think was needed. Not thinking about what to do or events coming up. But time to think about oneself. To ask your soul how you were doing. Time to quiet the mind and heal. That…that’s what the weed did for me.

Right now, my soul was bleeding, though. Bleeding for the girl who had held my heart so many years ago. For the loss of our friendship and the harm that had come in my absence. I ached to wrap my arms around her and tell her never again—it would never happen again. But I didn’t want to be her savior. I wasn’t going to fight her battles. I wasn’t going to take her strength away by using mine.

From now on, I vowed to stand next to Bailey. Vowed that my strength would add to hers, boost hers. The same way her strength added power to me. We would never be alone again; predators better not come for us, thinking we were easy prey.

I leaned into Bailey, and she tucked herself into my side so perfectly. Like she had always belonged there. And it felt so right.

Time was infinite here, and so the giggling had begun. “I never realized how broad the trees were.” She finally spoke.

I laughed. “What an odd observation.”

“I bet if we had trees for linemen, no one would get past.”

“If we had trees for linemen, Bailey, my love,everyonewould get past.” I raised my foot. “They have no feet. They can’t run very far.”

She sighed, bumping her foot with mine, staring longingly at them. “You’re right. How sad are they to not be able to move?”

“How sad are we to not be able to stay still? To not take the time to simply breathe in and out as they do.”

Bailey turned her beautiful eyes on me. “Lach, when everyone refused to talk to me, because I ghosted them for years, why were you so quick to talk to me? I didn’t make up with you or grovel, so why did you let me in so fast?”

“Bailey, I had spent years waiting for you to forgive me. That moment you spoke to me, I wasn’t going to screw up and let you go. You could’ve crushed my balls with your shit-kicker boots, and I would’ve trailed behind you like a lost Retriever. I will never—never—make that mistake again.”

Her eyes welled with tears that wouldn’t fall. “I don’t deserve you,” she whispered.

“No, baby, you deserve everything you want. You are so beautiful and pure and…good. Such a simple word, but the goodness within needs to be acknowledged. You. Are. Good.”

She leaned forward, and I wanted that kiss so badly. I wanted to thread my fingers in her hair and pull her onto my lap. I wanted to kiss her until the earth fell from beneath our feet and we were floating together in space. But…I also knew she was high right now.

I cupped her face and brushed my lips against her cheek before pulling away so she would know I wasn’t rejecting her. “Not now, baby. I want to kiss you—I will kiss you—but not like this. I want you to tell me. To be sober. I want our first time to be wanted.”

“I almost kissed Nolan.” She said it like she was worried.

I smiled.

“He told you?” Her eyebrows pulled down in the most adorable way.

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