Page 9 of Silent Desires

Maybe I could keep him just a little bit longer.

As Mrs. Pinkins teaches the lesson, Max eventually has to let go of my hand to work on the problems she writes on the board. I notice him pull out his phone at one point and he starts typing away on it for a few minutes before he puts it away, looking at me with a soft smile.

As he turns back to the teacher, I start paying attention to her lesson as well and am surprised that it’s all math I learned yesterday. I start reading the equations she writes out, wishing I could try to solve them. I only have my coloring books to write in, plus I’m not supposed to be able to do this work. My mother made it quite clear that I was supposed to color and keep my head down. But would it be breaking the rules if nobody sees me do it?

I reread the first question on the board, and when I figure out the solution in my head, I write the answer as small as I can, in pencil crayon, inside the dragon’s wing I’ve been coloring. It kind of looks like a swirling pattern.

I continue, aligning the numbers along the inside of the wing, so if you don’t look too close, it just looks like a pretty pattern. It lets me followalong as Mrs. Pinkins has students come up to write out the answers on the board. I’m not sure why they have to write out all the work to get to the answer. Couldn’t they do that in their head like me? I’m pleased when the class ends, and I had got every one correct.

We pack up our bags and Max gives me a wink, making my cheeks heat again.Why did I keep reacting to him like that?He gently takes my backpack from me as I try to put it on. I try to pull it back, but he throws it on his shoulder, along with his own, and grabs my hand.

“Nope. New girl privilege. You get your bags carried for you until I deem otherwise,” he says with a nod. I give up my attempt to reclaim my bag and shake my head at him. If he wants to help me, who am I to complain? Besides, I’m happy to give my arm some relief.

As we exit the class, Max starts to pull me to the side of the hall as he speaks. “So I hear you met my brother, Jasper, yesterday. He’s in your science class, so he’s going to meet us and take you there next. Oh, here he is. Hey, Jasper.”

I glance up and see Jasper standing there, waiting for us. He sees me and a warm smile crosses his face. “Good morning, Angel. It’s good to see you in class today. Are you ready to come to science with me?” He holds out his hand to me. I glance up at Max, and he smiles and nods.

“Same thing goes with Jasp. If you feel like you need to get out of there, just tap his hand twice and he’ll get you somewhere quiet as quickly as he can, okay?” His eyes bounce between me and Jasper while he speaks, making sure Jasper knows my signal. I nod and give his hand a squeeze in thanks before letting go to grasp his twin’s hand, letting him pull me close while Max passes him my bag.

Max places his palm on my cheek as he speaks. “Alright, Sweetheart, I’ll see you at lunch, alright?” I nod and he turns to leave in the opposite direction.

As Jasper leads me down the hall by my hand, I notice all the staring and murmurs again. I try gently pulling my hand free, but Jasper just turns his head to me and gently smiles. “I don’t want you getting lost, you’re so tiny it’d be easy to lose sight of you,” he says with a small chuckle. I did not think I was little. I mean, compared to him, I was short, and I often felt like I was too thin. But my mother constantly reminded me that I was too big. And compared to the girls in this high school, I did feel like my proportions were too extreme.

Jasper leads me into a classroom. It’s set up just like the math class, with individual desks all facing the front. He silently directs me to the back corner, where he drops my hand then drags the desk so it’s pressed against the corner one. I bite my lip when a small smile tries to break free, realizing he’s doing the same thing Max did.

My eyes widen as I look around the class. None of the other desks are set up like this. I look at the teacher standing at the front and he gives me a small smile. Okay, so I guess this is allowed then. But why did Jasper do that?

“Alright, Angel, take a seat here.” Jasper motions to the corner desk. It meant he’d be between me and the rest of the class, like Max did. They really were twins. I liked that, it felt like he was protecting me from their comments and eyes. I sit down and get out my coloring book.

I notice the teacher walking towards us and glance up, worried we were going to get in trouble for moving the desks. “Hello, you must be Mina. I’m Mr. Yang, your chemistry teacher. Looks like you are settled in there. You can let me or Jasper know if you need anything, alright?” I nod myhead, relieved I wasn’t in trouble. Mr. Yang smiles, then moves back to his desk at the front of the class.

“Your name is beautiful. Mina...” Jasper whispers my name quietly, almost to himself. I can’t look at him with the blush on my face, so I start to color. I sense him turn his focus to the lesson Mr. Yang was teaching, so I do the same.

I don’t know anything about chemistry, so I listen intently. It’s fascinating. As he starts referring to pages in a text book, Jasper pushes his so it’s between us. When I glance up at him, he smiles down at me with those beautiful green eyes. He doesn’t say anything and instead points to the part Mr. Yang was speaking about.

Unable to resist the chance to learn, I follow along, silently reading and glancing up as he teaches the lesson. I feel like this is my first real school experience. I’m actually learning something! I can’t stop the smile that covers my face as I answer his questions in my head and get them all right. I wish I’d been in school for years, I’d be so smart if I had. Maybe I’d have been smart enough to figure out a way to leave home by now.

I just didn’t know enough about the world right now to do it. I knew I’d starve and freeze to death pretty fast without my mother. She reminded me of that enough. Not that I ever had the chance to run away, being locked in the basement all the time. Going to school was the first time I’ve been allowed to leave the house since I was young. And I’m still not sure why it’s happening now.

Those thoughts remind me of my mother’s warnings and I suddenly come to my senses, realizing what I’ve been doing. I was making eye contact and reading the textbook. If she found out, she would punish me… Badly. But I’m not sure I’d be able to sit in this class and not pay attention.What do I do?I want to learn, but the thoughtof punishment was terrifying. Jasper must have picked up on my unease, when my breathing starts to become labored.

“Hey, Angel?” I hear Jasper whisper and turn to him. His green eyes look at me with worry. “Are you okay?” I reach up with my shaking hand and tap his hand twice. He gives me a quick nod, then immediately stands up, grabbing my hand gently and dragging me out of the classroom. He leaves all our stuff behind, but right now I’m just happy to get out of there. I’m surprised Mr. Yang doesn’t even pause his lesson as we make our exit.

“Don’t worry, Angel. I’m gonna take care of you. I’ll get Max to grab our stuff and meet us in the library.” He gives my hand a little squeeze as he pulls out his phone and starts typing while he leads me down the hall.

Chapter six

Jasper sits me in a chair in the same study room from yesterday. He kneels down in front of me, as I place my elbows on my knees and hang my head in my hands, covering my face from him. I’m embarrassed that I had to leave class. My face is warm and I fight to control my emotions as my eyes start to tear up. My breathing becomes labored and I fight to try and calm myself, not wanting another panic attack.

“Angel, can you look at me?” I give my head a little shake as the tears start to escape. We stay there in silence for a minute as I try to take control of my breathing and tears.

When I hear the door open, my body tenses up.

“It’s just me, Sweetheart.” I hear the identical yet softer voice of my sweet twin and relax a fraction. I hear some movement before a water bottle pops up in my eyesight, between my knees. I tentatively reach out and take it.

“Good girl, take a drink for us. It’ll help you feel better.” I glance up and Jasper smiles, placing one hand on my knee and giving it a soft squeeze. I would expect that action to feel invasive, but instead, it’s comforting, confusing me, as I haven’t felt that since my dad was around.

Max squats down in front of me and places his hand on my other knee. I take a deep breath, waiting for my body to react negatively tobeing surrounded by these two large guys, but instead, my fear starts to dissipate. They don’t say anything, they just watch me with concern as Max’s thumb starts to softly stroke back and forth over the side of my knee.

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