Page 8 of Silent Desires

“Max and his brother Jasper are the school’s hottest single guys and every girl has been trying to get their hands on them since day one. But they don’t date. At least that’s what they’vetoldeveryone who’s been interested. So him walking you down the hall, holding your hand, especially when nobody has even seen you before, is shocking the shit out of them.” She says with a chuckle, like she’s amused by the situation.

Feeling uncomfortable with the attention, I try to pull my hand out of Max’s. I don’t want to get on anyone’s radar, buthe doesn’t let me.

“Don’t worry about it. You aren’t doing anything wrong. They’ll be bored of the news in a few days.”A few days?Did that mean he was going to keep holding my hand? Did I want him to?Yes.

Looking at the blue-haired girl again, I wonder why she’s telling me all of this. Does she want to date Max too? And why does that thought make me angry?

But I knew the answer to that last question.I want to keep him.He’s the first nice person to ever hold my hand and all I can think about is putting some super glue between our palms to keep him with me all the time. Then, maybe, he could protect me from all my demons.

That thought sobers me. Reminding me that I don’t get to keep nice things.Iam the demon, not them. I deserve what I get, and don’t deserve nice things, ever.

I steal a quick sideways glance at Max. I might not be able to keep him, but I could relish in this for a few minutes at least. Even if it does come crashing down on me, eventually.

Chapter five

As we near the classroom, my steps falter, and a familiar weight of anxiety presses on my chest. I stiffen without meaning to, and Max stops beside me, his towering frame turning slightly as he looks down at me. My teeth worry at my lip as my gaze darts to the doorway. The sounds of voices and laughter filtering out of the room make my stomach twist in fear.

“Sweetheart? Are you okay?” he asks gently, his voice low and soothing. His hand gives mine a small tug, pulling my attention to him. I meet his gaze, and his bright green eyes hold nothing but concern. For a moment, it calms the storm in my chest.

I glance back at the classroom, unsure how to answer. “If you come into class with me, you can sit right beside me. I’ll make sure nobody bothers you,” he says, his tone confident but kind. “But if you don’t like it or feel uncomfortable, you just tap my hand twice, and I’ll get you out of there straight away and take you to the library, okay?”

I’m not sure how he knows I want to go to the library, but my heart stutters at his words, the kindness in them unexpected. His sincerity pulls my focus, and I find myself staring at him.Why is he being so nice to me?I bite my lip again as I glance toward the noisy classroom, thenback at him. Slowly, I squeeze his hand—a brief, uncertain gesture—and nod once.

His face lights up with a smile so big and genuine that it catches me off guard. “Good girl,” he says softly, and something in his tone warms me even as the nerves linger. What is with these guys saying that to me? And why am I having such a strong reaction to it?

I try to swallow the lump in my throat and turn with him as he leads me into the class. There are already a handful of students here, and they all stare and whisper as we enter.

I grip Max’s hand harder for comfort, making him smile down at me. “Don’t worry, they’re interested in anything new. You’ll be old news soon enough.” I hope so. I hate being watched. I keep my eyes down as he leads me to the back corner. He surprises me by pushing two desks together, then takes my bag from my back and places it on one of the desks, positioning himself between me and the rest of the class.

He tells me to sit, and I silently obey, watching as he pulls out his books. I notice he has the same Calculus textbook I was reading yesterday. I thought it was a freshman book. I pull out mycoloringbooks, knowing I had an image to uphold, and start doodling in them.

Even without my mother here, her warnings constantly echo in my mind, telling me to shut up and not draw attention to myself. If you ask me, playing dumb would bring more attention to myself than being an average student, but I knew I could never question her on it.

“Hey, Sweetheart?” My heart jumps in my chest as Max uses that nickname again. “I’m really glad you’re in my class.” I risk a glance at his face and see him smiling at me. Not wanting to be rude, I smile back.

“But... are you ever going to tell me your name?” He quirks an eyebrow at me. I’m not sure what to do. I could write it down, but mymother didn’t know I could write, and if she found out, I don’t think she’d let me leave the house ever again.

He watches me, looking concerned the longer I stare at him silently. Then his expression changes into something more relaxed and he raises his eyebrows as he speaks. “Ah! I know why you’re not telling me! You want me to keep calling you Sweetheart!” Now it’s my turn to raise my eyebrows. I open my mouth in shock, but nothing comes out.

“I’m on to you now!” he chuckles while my face heats up from embarrassment. I can’t even correct him. Instead, I stare down at my desk. Why didn’t I just shake my head?Stupid!Now he probably thinks I’m like all the other girls who are crazy about him.That’s because you are.

“Hey, Max, who’s your friend?” I hear a feminine voice ask, unaware of my internal struggle. I briefly glance up and see a beautiful girl with perfect straight brown hair and perfect teeth smiling down at Max.

“This is Mina, she’s new here.” I look at him in shock, how did he suddenly know my name? He gives me a quick wink, making my heart pitter patter in my chest. “Mina, this is Rachel.” I look up at her and gave her a tight-lipped smile.

“Hi Mina. Nice coloring book.” I can hear the laughter in her voice. She’s making fun of me.

“You can go now, Rachel,” Max says bluntly as I stare at my desk in embarrassment, hoping she’ll leave quickly.

“Excuse me?! I was trying to be polite,” Rachel says angrily.

“We both know you weren’t. Now leave,” he says without even looking at her.

“Max, why are you being such an ass? Did she already suck your dick or something?” My jaw drops open, and I know I must resemblea tomato right now. Why would she say that? Is that a thing girls do? I didn’t expect a high school student to talk like that.

She bursts out laughing at my reaction, and as Max goes to say something, looking angry, I hear the teacher, Mrs. Pinkins, greet the class. I take deep breaths and try to focus on my coloring to calm myself down.

Max grips my thigh lightly under the desk as he whispers, “good girl”. I take another deep breath and relax as I place my hand on top of his and squeeze. He flips his hand over and interlocks our fingers, holding my hand firmly so I can’t let go. I try to hide the tiny smile I know is on the corner of my mouth.

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