Page 90 of Ruck Me

Chapter27

AOIFE

My hands shakingand my knees weak, I walked into the clinic and waited for my turn to check in. When I got to the front of the queue, I passed the frazzled woman behind the glass partition myID.

“Do you have someone to drive youhome?”

I shook my head. “No, my friend had a death in the family so she couldn’t come after all. I was hoping you could call a taxi or something … afterward. I’m staying at a hotel just down the way.” I pointed in the direction my hotel was located.

Flicking through a rolodex at her side, she pulled out a small white card with blue text. “We have a driver we can call for you, but you’ll have to pay her directly.”

I nodded my understanding and tried to speak, but nothing came out. My mouth dry, I licked my lips, swallowed, and tried again. “That’ll befine.”

Passing me a clipboard, she said, “Sign on the dotted line and you’re all set. A nurse will call you back when it’s yourturn.”

Taking the pen in my hand, my fingers hovered over the big, black X on the page. Trembling, I signed my name, the scrawled signature looking foreign. I stared down at the piece of paper—something I never thought I’d have to sign—for several long seconds before passing it back through the slat, my name swimming in my vision.

“Do you need to talk with someone?”

I wiped my tears away. “No, I’m good. Just hormones, you know?” I said with a forced laugh, trying to inject a note of levity in my voice.

“If you’re sure then.” She studied me and I held her stare, not wanting her to have reason to send me away. Eventually, she notched her chin, satisfied. “Okay, have a seat over there and someone will be with you shortly.”

I glanced around the room, hoping to find a spot far enough away from anyone else so I wouldn’t be forced into an awkward conversation. Even though the clinic was larger than I’d expected, it was also fuller than I would have thought too. Spying a couple with their arms wrapped tightly around one another as the woman sobbed into her husband’s chest, I diverted my gaze and walked toward an empty chair next to a woman I guessed to be in her late-30s.

“This your first time here?” she asked when I sat down, as casual as if we were at the nail salon, not a woman’s clinic.

Adopting my best “leave me the fuck alone” look, I stared straight ahead and hoped she got the message.

She didn’t.

“Ah well, by the looks of things, I’d say yes. You can always tell by the shaking hands.”

I glanced down and, sure enough, my hands were trembling. I flatted them against my thighs and gritted my teeth, hoping she’d shut up now that she’d answered her own question.

“This is a really great clinic,” she said, leaning close. “This is my third time here. I’m allergic to latex,” she added by way of explanation, her shoulders lifted in a nonchalant shrug.

She’d said it so carelessly, as if there weren't other methods of birth control available. Like what we were here to do was no big deal. As if I wasn’t shaking like a goddamned because I was so fucking afraid of what would happen once I met with the doctor. As if I hadn’t for one minute stopped worrying about what Eoin would say if he ever found out what I’ddone.

As if this wasn’t the single most terrifying moment of my shortlife.

I blinked, long and slow, and pulled in a deep breath, then exhaled slowly, counting to five along the way. Lord give me serenity so that I don’t do something foolish like punch this woman in the throat, I thought once my lungs were empty.

“You have to feel terrible for them,” she continued, gesturing toward the crying couple.

I’d been told that I could serve up bitch face with the best of them, but this woman seemed impervious to my death glare.

“I heard her telling Martha—that’s the receptionist—they wanted the baby but at their last medical appointment they found a brain defect. It’s the third time this has happened. The poor thing would be a retard and they’ve already got one athome.”

I pushed out an angry breath and spun in my seat. “What the fuck is your problem?”

She raised her hands. “Whoa there. I’m just the messenger. It’s not my fault their baby has half a brain.”

Speaking through gritted teeth, I hissed, “No, but it is your fault you’re sitting here gossiping about their misfortune, and gleefully too. Like you’re happy about it because it makes you feel better about your sad, pathetic life.” Once I was on a roll, it was usually hard for to stop me … and I had a lot to say about this woman’s gossiping ways. “What’s it to you why they’re here? For fuck’s sake, lady, it’s no concern to me why you’re here either. I don’t care that you’re allergic to latex or that you use abortion as birth control. No one in this room cares what you have to say, so do us all a favor and SHUT THE FUCKUP!”

I twisted back around and stared straight ahead, my spine ram-rod straight and my fists clenched on my lap. My chest sawed in and out with angry breaths as I tried to slow my heartbeat to a more acceptable pace. Stress was bad for the baby and I had enough of it as it was; I didn’t need her adding toit.

She huffed angrily, loudly so I couldn’t miss it. Curious, I glanced her way out of the corner of my eye only to find her staring back, her own eyes blazing with malice. “For the love of me, I’ve no idea how you went and got yourself knocked up. No man wants a woman with a tongue like a viper.”

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