Page 91 of Ruck Me

I surged out of my seat and faced her. “And no man wants a washed up old trollop like yourself, either. You’re so fucking pathetic.”

With her face turning a mottled shade of purple, she heaved herself out of her chair, towering over me by at least six inches. “I’ll have you know I’ve four husbands!” she screeched, coming close enough that I could smell the sour stench of coffee on her breath.

I wasn’t proud of what happened next, but something inside of me snapped and I lose control of my tongue. My mam had been warning me for ages my smart mouth would get me in trouble someday—I just hadn’t expected that day to be thisone.

I looked down at her bare left hand, the lack of ring on her finger a glaring absence. “It’s a wonder you ever had more thanone.”

Apparently, that was her last straw because the next thing I knew, she grabbed me by the hair and pushed me down onto the cold linoleum, her other hand smashing my face into the floor.

“You no good, low class Irish slut!” she roared, the heel of her palm pressing into my eye socket.

I fought in vain to push her off me, but it was no use. She was bigger and stronger and angrier and there was nothing I could do. And just when I couldn’t take any more pain—when I thought my skull was going to shatter—she was yanked away as a security guard hefted me into a wobbly, standing position.

Martha, the beleaguered receptionist, scurried into the waiting room with a phone clenched in her hand. “What is the matter with you?” she hissed, looking between us. “And you!” she turned, pointing to the woman who’d just kicked my ass. “How many times do I have to tell you, Dot, not to talk to other patients?”

With an angry curl of her lip, Dot tried protesting her innocence. “I wasn’t talking to her! She sat down next to me and started spewing vile things atme.”

I surged forward, anger and rage propelling me forward, but the man at my back held me in place. “You’re a liar!” I shouted. “A fucking cuntliar!”

The other thing I’d always been warned about? My mouth. I could swear like a sailor on shore leave, no swear word left behind. I knew my words weren’t the least bit dignified or ladylike, but neither was I. After all, I’d just gotten into a brawl in the middle of a women’s clinic in West London.

“See!” Dot shouted. “See what I mean? She startedit.”

At my back, the pressure on my arms intensified and before I could process what was happening, I was hauled toward the door. “Okay you, that’ll be enough ofthat.”

“Wait, what?” I sputtered. “She attacked me! Arrest her.” I flailed in his hold like a fish out of water but his grip never slackened.

“No one’s getting arrested,” he answered, dragging me outside. “But if you don’t go peacefully, that could change. Unless you want to go to jail?” He eyed me speculatively.

The bright, mid-afternoon sunshine was a stark contrast to my mood as the direness of the situation sank in. I’d come to London to have an abortion and all I’d gotten was a black eye for my efforts. A hysterical laugh bubbled up from my chest and burst forth, sounding like the squawking of a hundred agitated magpies. Unable to control myself, I doubled over and held my belly, my entire body shaking, as tears streamed down myface.

“Lady, I don’t know what your problem is, but if you don’t knock it off, I’m going to call the police.”

I stood and wiped the tears from my eyes. “No, I’m good. I was just laughing isall.”

He inspected me like I’d grown two heads. “Are yousure?”

“Yeah,” I answered, waving him off. “Don’t worry. I’m okay. I just had a really dark, funny thought and the emotional toll of the day caught up with me.” When he continued staring skeptically, I assured him all was well. “I promise, everything’s fine. I’m okay, really.”

“And you won’t go back in there?” He notched his chin toward the building’s entrance.

I’d just been kicked out of the clinic I’d paid £799 and I seriously doubted I’d be getting any of that back. I didn’t start the fight with Dot, but I’d certainly instigated it—even if it had been wrong of her to gossip about that poor couple. I was angry she hadn’t been tossed out too, but as a frequent customer, maybe she’d earned privileged access or something. Whatever the reason, the fact remained that I wouldn’t be having the procedure today afterall.

“No, I won’t go back in,” I answered, turning away and straightening my clothes. “I think it’s time for me to gohome.”

He studied me for a brief moment and then nodded. “Yeah, that’s probablybest.”

I took the long way back to my hotel, ambling along with no particular destination in mind. The entire time I walked, I thought back to the moment at the clinic I’d worried about how stress would affect my baby, the wayward thought taking hold and refusing to letup.

Which brought to mind the couple who were forced to let go of something they desperately wanted. My hand unconsciously found my belly and I was hit with a wave of grief so intense it buckled my knees. The idea of loving something—someone—and having to say goodbye to him or her tore the breath from my lungs. With my other hand flattened against a brick wall to hold myself up, I had an epiphany.

I might not have wanted this baby, but there were worse things in the world that could happen. Things that could rob you of your faith, hope, and happiness. It wouldn’t be easy and there’d probably be days where I’d question my sanity, but I’d been doing that my whole life anyhow.

I laughed. At least I was prepared for that. But then my laughter died down and a stark reality claimedme.

I was going to have a baby … by myself.

I knew where Eoin stood on the subject, and it broke my heart to think about raising our child without him, but I could do it. I would do it. He didn’t have to care about this kid because I’d love it enough for the both of us. I just had to accept that meant he wouldn’t love me anymore.

---