Page 70 of Ruck Me

Fergie-Ferg: So sensitive, @EoinMcGrath1995. This confirms it. He’s a bottom.

DublinRugbyDeclan: SHUT THE FUCK UP you fecking eejits and get back towork.

PinkySprite: I was handling this, @DublinRugbyDeclan.

DublinRugbyDeclan: And doing a bang up job of it too. They went from talking about porn stars to calling you atop.

PinkySprite: For once in my life, can you let me handle something on my own?! I don’t need my brother rushing in to fight my battles.

DublinHooker: Oh shit, Aoife’s on the warpath now. Outta her way, lads.

DublinRugbyDeclan: Contrary to what you may think, this isn’t about you. It’s about these fuck nuts embarrassing the jersey.

DublinRugbyDeclan: And as their captain, it’s my job to shut that shitdown.

DublinHooker: Is that the sound of a whip I hear cracking? Are all O’Shaughnessys into that kinkyshit?

DublinRugbyDeclan: @DublinHooker extra laps for you tomorrow for not being smart enough to know when to shut yourtrap.

DublinHooker: You can’t dothat!

DublinRugbyDeclan: No? Try me asshole. Now shut up and get back to work—all ofyou.

With a huff, I closed out of the window and went back to reading an article on sports merchandising my boss wanted me to summarize for him by the end of the week. Within seconds though, I was distracted by the sound of my phone dinging in my purse.

Eoin: Sorry aboutthat.

Eoin: It got out of control real quick.

Aoife: There’s nothing to be sorry about. I just don’t want you getting in trouble for saying stuff publicly that’s off-brand. I’m working on that project for David, so I’ve been reading up on all these athletes who lost their sponsorship deals when their behavior didn’t work for the brand anymore.

Eoin: I’m hardlythem.

Aoife: No, and thank Christ for that. But you do have the dealership giving you a pimped out ride for free, and I wouldn’t want you to losethat.

Eoin: You like my ridebaby?

Aoife: I like riding you better. ??

Eoin: Don’t distract me woman.

Eoin: But seriously, I meant what I said. Ferg shouldn’t have said those things about you. Especially in public, where anyone couldsee.

Aoife: It’s no big deal, really. Besides, it’s just Ferg. Anyone who follows him knows what an eejit he is. It’s not like people are going to walk around thinking I’m a dominatrixnow.

Aoife: Besides, you and I both know I’m not the one doing the ??. That’s yourjob. ??

Eoin: And don’t you forgetit.

Aoife: How could I? I can still feel your hand print on myass.

Eoin: Ah, fuck. I’m supposed to be studying.

I looked around and seeing my co-workers’ eyes fixed firmly on their monitors, I angled myself toward the wall, flicked open my phone’s camera app, and slid it under my sweater. With a shadowed shot of my bare breasts--the best I'd get in this situation--I hit the button. When I heard the fake shutter noise, I quickly pulled it out and turned back to my monitor.

Most of my life I’d looked on with envy at the big, full breasts of my friends, but there was something to be said for having small ones too—namely the fact that I could get away with not wearing a bra most days. They’d also probably never sag down to my belly button. My friend Claire had already given up wearing the cute bralettes that were in style in favor of bras constructed with more steel than fabric. She still had the scar from when the underwire from one had popped out and stabbed her in the armpit.

Switching back to the screen with my text messages, I attached the grainy, dark picture of my nipple and hitsend.

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