Page 22 of Broken Princess

Jordanna

“Scribbling away in that book again?” Kassidy huffs, plopping down on the opposite end of the couch.

“It’s my manifesto and it’ll be epic when I’m done writing it.”

“Manifesto, huh? With pink glitter sparkles on the cover? Sounds real bad ass to me. Seriously though, whatareyou writing?”

“Everything. It’s a coping skill I learned in therapy after my dad died. My therapist used to say write it down. Whatever you felt that day. The good, the bad, the ugly. Just write. I’d gotten away from it and found expression in painting again. But now, the paints don’t flow, so I’m back to pen and paper to deal with everything I feel about being back on campus.”

“Damn. I didn’t realize how tough this was for you. I’ve been so impressed with the way you’ve been walking around campus, like none of it fazes you.”

“Well, don’t be. It’s a facade. I’m here.Yes.I’m standing.Sure.But I’m taking it day by day and sometimes minute by minute. That’s why you see me with this book all the time. It’s how I’m coping.”

It’s a version of the truth. Iamwriting everything down, and I am coping. But only because these words have clues for how to fight back against my tormentors.

In the margins of the page I’m writing on, I pencil in three goals I hope to accomplish this week.

1. Be intentional about being in a space where Logan and his friends are

2. Smile and say hello to someone I normally wouldn’t

3. Make a bold choice

I close the book, sitting it behind me on the couch, and ask Kassidy, “So, what are you up to tonight?”

When she averts her gaze, I deduce she’s made plans. Ones she doesn’t want to tell me about. “Out with it, Kass.”

“There’s a party, and I sort of told my friends from my psych class that I’d go.”

“Okay. But why are you acting so weird about it?”

“Because even though you went to the back to school bash a few weeks ago, I know parties still aren’t your thing, and I feel bad leaving you alone since we were both out of town last weekend. I feel like I should hang with you.”

“I know Bella and the bitch mob call me a charity case, but I’m not one. You’re allowed to have friends other than me. I’m not gonna go allRoommateon you.” I say referencing the movie we watched last week.

“I know, but I still feel like I should hover and protect you.”

“I can protect myself, and I left my hover-copter mom in The Bluffs with Summer.” I flip on the television, pretending to be focused on finding something to watch. “But if you’re so worried about leaving me alone, I guess I could come with you.”

“Uh, no. That’s not a good idea. I know for a fact Logan and his crew are hosting tonight.”

Then this sounds exactly like how I should spend my evening. “Good, then it’s settled. I’m definitely going, because I meant what I said when school started. I’m not letting Logan control my life.”

“It’s at The Rift, Jordanna.”

Scrunching my eyebrows, I search my mind for a reference. “Am I supposed to know what that means?”

“Think about the craziest party we went to last semester, triple it, and add booze and drugs, and that’s the kind of shit that goes down at The Rift.”

“So an orgy?”

“I hear if that’s your thing there’s a room where it could be arranged.”

“It’s not my thing, but I don’t think it’s yours either, which means there’s some middle ground here, right?”

“Yes. Of course. This is like a grand opening party. It’ll be one of the tamer ones held there this semester, but it’s VDU, so anything goes. You know, be prepared.”

Tame is not the way I’d describe any of the VDU parties. “Can I pee alone or do I need an armed escort?”

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