Page 19 of Be My Salvation

Chapter twenty-six

The Sinner

Dinah

We spent hours, roaming the unkept fields behind Zeke’s grandfather’s abandoned country house to no avail, until the day was long gone, and we were at risk of another attack in the dark. We found very few signs that Noah had made his escape, and only a set of tire tracks deep in the surrounding forest confirmed our suspicions.

That slimy, sinister fucker, Noah, is still out there, running free, but now he’s scared of when I’ll get my hands on him, and I swear, if it’s the last thing I do, I will stare into his monstrous eyes as his life leaves them for good. The house was set ablaze with Esther’s body inside of it. As we walked away from the flames, grief, and sorrow filled me, for everything that Zeke was experiencing. I never wanted to hurt him, or see him hurt, and he is now. I could tell, from the way he was holding himself, that he was trying to shut the door on his emotions. Being the strong Ezekiel Rothesay he believes he needs to be for us. Abe and I each took one of his hands and kissed him, regardless of the rebel audience watching, letting him know with our actions that we were there for him, and loved him.

Now we have returned to the Holy Father’s compound, our temporary home filled with its own set of perils, and are looking for answers that no one seems to be able to give us. “Where is my nephew, Sarah? I was assured that he and his mother were safe, and would be brought here. Now you’re telling me you never knew where they were?” I glare at her stress-lined face.We have been going back and forth for the last hour on all the things that she’s promised me, and hasn’t delivered. Noah got away again, my infant nephew and his mother have once again gone missing, and Sammy, well fuck, I don’t even know where to begin with him. He’s been demanding to see me for hours, and trepidation is soaring through me that he’s going to tell me that he wishes I was dead once again. I can’t live with hearing those heartbreaking words. I can’t look into the face of the person who has been my everything for years, only to see that I am now his nothing. “It’s not that simple, Dinah. There are many moving parts to this revolution. One person’s value does not outweigh everyone else’s. Please try to be reasonable, child.”

She did not just fucking say that. Furious rage boils over inside of me, and I do something I never thought I would. I grab onto Sarah, wrapping my arm around her neck, yanking her body against my chest, and hold a blade at her throat. “It’s interesting that you say that, Sarah. Is your life the exception? Ismine?“ I push the tip of the blade into her skin, until a vibrant drop of blood wells on the surface, and she inhales a raspy breath. Oh, fear is such an aphrodisiac. With a small thrust, I could end her life. Does she see death in my eyes? Does she hear how my mind and body demand that I murder her right here? “You speak of revolution, but you need a leader to spur your message forward, someone to incite the mob. I am thefucking exception, like it or not. Get me what I fucking want, or you can take this whole endeavor and shove it up your rebel ass.”

“Snow!”

“Atasi, this is not helping, baby, please!” Abe’s voice helps to break through some of the madness swirling around me, infecting every one of my cells with vicious poison, and causes me to release my precarious hold on his last remaining parent. His hazel eyes meet mine, and in their depths, I witness nothing but sorrow and confusion, and I’m momentarily filled withremorse that I have caused him more pain.Fuck, what the hell am I doing? Have I become as much a monster as those I am hunting?“Has there been word on David or my father?” She quickly puts distance between us, swiping at the droplets of blood trailing down her neck, and grimacing when she gets a glimpse of them. I monitor her expression and body language carefully. Something within me is telling me that Sarah knows more about that situation than she has divulged. Call it intuition, a sixth sense, or just the ability to spot a liar, but there are a few things she’s said and done, that have generated a gnawing circle of suspicion inside of me. So far, I haven’t expressed my concerns to Abe and Zeke, not because I don’t trust both of them, but because I want to be absolutely sure before I do, so that when I part her head from her shoulders, there will be no questions on whether I overreacted or not. Do I look forward to having to kill the woman who was a second mother to me?No.Will I do it to protect us?Absofuckinglutely.

Her posture straightens, lips forming a firm line, and her pretty amber eyes, identical to the ones of the man I love, meet mine without flinching. I almost want to congratulate her on her attempt to disguise her thoughts and feelings from me, but I was trained by a master of the art of deception, my fucking father. I saw the wince before she could hide it. “They’ve gone to ground.”

“Like rats? Is that what you’re telling me? You cannot find all the vermin that have infested our world, while they’re running for their lives, despite all the rebel forces that you have?” I am so done with all of this back-and-forth posturing, and conversation, that accomplishes nothing. Sarah wants change, but not at the expense of actually doing anything. Perhaps her soul is weary of all the pain and bloodshed. I know mine is, yet I refuse to lay down my weapons. What she doesn’t seem to understand is that the Brotherhood has not lost yet. Yes, they are scrambling, and putting up a meek counterattack in certain areas, but they are farfrom defeated. They didn’t take over a whole world by force, to be so readily removed by a few uprisings.

“Snow, perhaps we should go see Sammy, give you some time to cool down. I understand your frustration,wife. When we return, Sarah will have answers for you, won’t you, Sarah?“ Zeke gives Sarah a cold, frightening stare that doesn’t hide the threat in his words. He’s done, too; he doesn’t trust her, or the rebels, to keep us safe. He thinks they are hiding information from us, and he refuses to allow me to be their puppet. I really should be annoyed at him laying claim over me, whereas before, it would have angered me at the insinuation that I belong to him or anyone. After everything we’ve all endured, I’m just happy that all of us still desire to be with each other, and are alive. Well, maybe not Sammy right now, since I’m pretty sure he wants us all dead. “I’ll endeavor to get the information for you, son, as soon as I can.”Shit, wrong choice of words, Sarah.She’ll be lucky if he’s not the one to stab her next. He stalks forward, a predatory lion sizing up his meal, and bears his teeth, regardless of the rebel guards around us tightening their grips on their weapons with the sensed threat. His vibrant tattoos on his neck and arms are displayed as his large body stiffens. “My mother is dead, Sarah. I slit her throat without the slightest hesitation. You may want to think on that.”

Sarah gulps, and I finally see the fear I was craving on her features. Her throat bobs up and down, and she takes a step back from Zeke. A loud cackle sounds through the air around us like the crack of a whip. Abe moves forward, his arm wrapping around Zeke’s shoulders. “I think she gets the message, Zeke, and if she doesn’t, hmm, I’m pretty sure she understands that I won’t hesitate to orphan myself.” The three of us depart the room without a backward glance, despite all the rebel forces standing guard fully armed around us. Abe, the psychopath, blows kisses and waves immaturely, as we make our way to thenew room Sammy has been moved to. “What do we do now?” He inquires in a hushed voice when we are out of earshot. I inhale a deep breath, my fingers intertwining with his and Zeke’s, drawing much-needed strength from both of them for what I am about to face next. “We watch and wait. We give no quarter, and we burn everything to the ground if they don’t give us what we need.” They both nod at my words, silently agreeing with my plan. The one I don’t have an inkling of how I am going to pull off. Fuck, every day, my life is becoming more and more complicated and frightening. How I long for the quiet life I had before, with Sammy, in our little manor house in the country. The only thing that would have made that time better was if I had had Zeke and Abe there with me, and if my brother had still been alive.

Unfortunately, there is no changing the past, no time machine I can jump into to forge a new path. I once read a quote from the old world, that said when you are going through something, it’s best just to keep going, right through the fire, and hope you make it out on the other side unscathed, or at least in one piece. Right now, my whole world is burning. I need to keep going, and hold the faith that we can all make it through. We have to; we are out of any other options.

Chapter twenty-seven

The Protector

Sammy

The handle begins to twist, and the door opens, as I’m lying in my new firm bed after spending hours uselessly calling for her. I stare at the ornate ceiling and contemplate everything that has happened, ever since Dinah and I were forced to the capital for her brother’s funeral. It seems like that was a lifetime ago, and not mere months. My whole world has been thrown into fiery chaos. I’ve been brought kicking and screaming to the very bowels of hell, and forced to walk its ash-filled shores as I’ve lost grip on my sanity, and the one person who always kept me grounded.My Dinah, my Nightstar, my whole fucking world.

“I’m going to help you get my daughter back, free you both from the Order, and help you kill those two that took her away from you.”His words slither in my mind, much like the serpent’s voice must have done to Eve and Adam, when he tempted them to sin. There isn’t a single cell inside my battered body that trusts that devil. Hell, I’m not even sure that I wasn’t hallucinating the whole thing under duress. My mind is a broken place, filled with jagged edges, and more often than not lately, I can’t tell reality from my nightmares.

“I love you, Sammy. Come back to me.”Her voice calls out to me with such despair and pain that it forces my chest to constrict painfully, causing me to hiss out my breath. I hear quiet movement, as multiple feet make their way inside the room. I don’t bother to raise my head, and take a look at who my visitors are this time. It doesn’t really matter anymore. One rebel guardis the same as a Brotherhood guard. One monster, much like all the others.Liars. Murderers. Demons.Thieves.Everyone in this world wants something from me. The only thing that brings me an inkling of comfort is the knowledge that I have very little left to give. Soon, I will allow myself to perish in those fires that surround me, until I am but a lost memory to this earth. Samuel Wendover will go to his final death the same as when he took his first breath, a no-one that counted for nothing.Unwelcome. Unwanted. Discarded. Abandoned.

“Sammy,” her melodic voice calls out to me, so softly that I almost miss it. It sounds like a prayer to my non-believing ears.Not real, this is not real, she’s not here. Is she?I close my eyes, attempting to force air down my constricting throat, as my hands tighten at my sides, gripping the sheet below me for dear life. I can hear them shifting closer to the bed in the large suite, their boots on the floor a staccato that forces my rushing blood to meet the same beat.I can do this. I have to do this.I try to reassure myself, as I force my body to release some of its rigid tension. I’m a coiled snake waiting to jump up and strike. The question is, will my bite sting or kill the recipient? Will I even care if it does, or am I already too far gone for anything to matter?

I force myself to sit up, pushing my aching back against the solid wood headboard, and finally, I urge myself to get a glimpse of my Nightstar.Real, she’s real. Fuck.Even in her blood-stained and tattered dark clothes, covered in filth, cuts, and bruises, she’s still the most beautiful creature I have ever seen. It pains me physically to meet her gray-blue eyes, filled with so many turbulent emotions, emotions I used to understand. My Nightstar was always an open book to me, well, that is, until she discarded me. My mouth goes dry as those winter storm pupils trap me in their depths. Concern immediately races through my limbs at the bleeding wounds that are visible, and I have toforcefully remind myself not to reach out to her.She left you to die, my mind seethes with fury at how, with just one glance of her, she weakens all my resolve. She is a sickness that corrupts everything inside of me, a cancer twisting me back and forth, until I no longer know which way is up. I force my arms across my broad chest, even though the movement pains me, to prevent my feebleness from taking hold of me, and wrapping her in my arms. My heart wants what it cannot have, what it does not understand will kill us.Dinah.

Stay strong. She is not the woman you love. That woman died when we left our home. This is a liar, a manipulator, and if you allow her back in, she will be your end.It’s humorous to me that my mind is trying to convince me of something, and my heart is begging for the complete opposite. All my frail heart wants is to take her in my arms, kiss the shit out of her, and force the words out of her lips that affirm she never betrayed me, that she never once stopped loving me. Unfortunately, I am caught in the middle, not knowing or trusting which direction to take. If I am honest with myself, I’m not even sure this is really happening, and not a distorted fabrication of my trauma. Ezekiel’s previous words try to cut across my mind, but I force them away, because he’s lied and manipulated me in the past. If the specter is to be believed, he’s continued to do it all this time, his end game, my Nightstar, and control of her fortune and the Brotherhood.Let him have her; they deserve each other, and she is nothing to us now.

I pry my glance away from her sad expression, even though it pains me, and meet Abraham’s intense hazel gaze.The other one who used you, and took your Nightstar away. Kill him, he deserves to die.He’s looking at me with an unmasked expression of pity, as if I was some woeful animal dying before him. Is that what I am? I allow my eyes to trail over his large form, taking in the blood coating his skin, the wounds that are everywhere,and the stern, firm lips that refuse to speak.Nothing to say now, fucker? Why is that? Is it because you believe you have won?With a flick of my eyes, I turn my gaze to the other man at my Nightstar’s side.Ezekiel Rothesay.My arch nemesis, it seems. The man I have always had to share her with, whether he realized it or not. The man who continues to be an obstacle in my way. He’s leaning closer to her, his body situated in a protective stance as if, at any moment, I might jump out of this bed and attempt to hurt her. Doesn’t he realize that I don’t have to lift a finger to do that? Her love and despair are so prominent, and visible, on her features, that I know, with just a few words, I can inflict so much pain that it will have the same effect as a blade sliding into her pale flesh. My pretty, little Nightstar, you have forgotten the lessons I spent years teaching you: never reveal your weaknesses to an enemy. It pleases me to see her distraught, to see pain across her features, to know that if I am not imagining all of this, it’s me that’s causing it.She’s a whore, who spread her legs for them the first chance she got, moved on to something better, and left you to die.

“I see that my wishes have not been answered. The three of you are still breathing, like cockroaches that refuse to die,pity.“ Every word causes her to flinch, her face becoming more drawn and morose before my eyes. Her teeth bite down on her bottom lip, as she tries to stifle the pained sound that wishes to vacate her lips.Hurt her more; she deserves it. Kill her.Self-hate flows through my veins, knowing that I’m hurting her, but at the same time, I’ve convinced myself that it’s justified, for what she’s done to me.She deserves so much more. She deserves to suffer like you have.“You... you don’t mean that... please, Sammy.” Dinah moves to take a step forward in my direction, but Ezekiel grabs her forearm and pulls her back, taking her away from me once again. I growl in his direction, a furious animal being denied his kill by another predator.

“He will always try to keep her from you, and for himself. It’s the only way he can ensure his reign. He knows you are a threat to what he wants, that you have power over my daughter, something he lacks. You must humble him first before murdering him,”the specter demands in my ear.

Yes, I see it now; his words are true. Both of these men have always wanted to take what’s mine away from me. Regardless of whether they knew Dinah Camrose first, the person that she was before coming to me no longer existed. The one standing in my presence, with tears sliding down her bruised and desperate face, was molded by my rough hands. I have had all her firsts. I am the man her heart calls out to, and I refuse to be the man who releases her from my grip, not unless it’s to the devil when I end her life, and even then, I know it won’t be easy to let her go.Snap her deceiving neck. Do it now.

“You think to tell me what is inside of my heart, Nightstar? Are you so confident that you are still in that decrepit place?” I stare her down, refusing to flinch or back away, and allowing her to see all my anger and pain. All the pieces of me she allowed to be shattered, when she left me behind to die at a monster’s hands.Dirty cunt, liar, betrayer.Her head rises with an internal strength, and I watch as she pulls herself together, right before my very eyes. A wicked queen about to deal with her wayward subjects. That fire I still see lit within her brings a quirk to my lips. Nothing could ever keep her down for long, and woe to anyone who ever underestimated her, me included, it seems. “That heart you speak of, Sammy, it fucking belongs tome, and until I decide to reach inside of your goddamn chest and rip it out painfully, so it beats in the palm of my hands, it will continue to bemine. You don’t get to walk away from me, and you don’t get to keep breathing withoutme.You are mine, and you have forgotten yourself.”

The voices hissing inside of my head grow silent at her declaration of war. Make no mistake, that’s what that just was. There she is,finally,my warrior, the one I trained never to back down from a fight. She’s showing me her teeth like a lioness, ready to tear anyone who comes at her to pieces, and I had better be prepared to deal with her bite. She pushes away from Ezekiel without a backward glance, despite his look of displeasure at her actions, her stunning eyes filled with fire, never leaving mine. “I am sorry for what befell you, Samuel Wendover. I am regretful for my fucking part in getting you captured. I am devastated by what they did to you, and how you suffered.” Her fists tighten at her sides, until her bruised knuckles are white, in stark relief against the rest of her blood-tarnished skin.

“However, I am not apologizing for you still being alive. I did not give you leave to die, nor to leave me behind on this miserable, fucking earth!” She takes another few steps until her body is pressed against the side of the bed, and leans forward without the slightest hesitation or fear present that I’ll attack her.My brave little Nightstar.Her scent of amber, smoke, and bergamot calls to me in a siren’s song, mixed with the stench of death that coats her skin. “You tried to kill me, and you failed. You think taunting and hurting me will push me away? You dare to believe that I could have ever turned against you?” Her fingers rise, and just when I think she’s going to gently cradle my face, her fingernails dig into my jaw, forcing me closer. “You cannot live without me, no more than I can without you. You want to end my life because a monster has convinced you that I betrayed you? Well,here I am,do it, but know that you will follow me into perdition, my love. You cannot be parted from me, not in this life or the next.”

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