Page 18 of Everlasting Promises

“That’s just gross,” he grumbles.

We all chuckle.

Tracey smiles wistfully. “Yeah, then he would find any excuse to hang around whenever you came to visit. Clarissa would get so annoyed, telling him you wereherfriend, not his.” Clara chuckles and Tracey drops her gaze to the headstone. “We knew as soon as you were both old enough, he would ask you out. We couldn’t have been happier.”

We were each other’s firsts for everything. So many good times and fantastic memories. My eyes flick to Evan. He’s studying me closely, as if he’s seeing me in a different light. I should make more of an effort to think about our good memories—ourhappymemories—instead of being swallowed by the most tragic memory of all. We were so lucky to have Wyatt in ourlives, and I’m beyond grateful he gave me Evan, but I’ve done a terrible job of keeping his memory alive for our son.

I draw oxygen deep into my lungs and glide my hand over Evan’s hair and down his back slowly. My heart warms as I think about the memory I want to share today. “I’ll never forget the look on his face when I told him I was pregnant. I swear a light breeze could have knocked him over. It was such a surprise. He immediately went into protective daddy mode and catered to my every whim while he was home. He kept track of your development during my pregnancy, even while he was deployed,” I tell Evan as I wrap my arm around him, pulling him in close. “He was so excited to be your daddy, and he loved you so much.”

Evan pulls out of my embrace and shoots to his feet, then storms away from us. I’m frozen with confusion, my thoughts in a muddy swirl.

Graeme jumps to his feet. “I’ll check on him.” He jogs to catch up with his grandson, and I watch helplessly from my place on the grass.

Maybe I should be the one to go after him, but he doesn’t talk to me, which is completely my fault. I get too upset, and I’ve been in a constant state of sadness.How would he possibly think he can talk about his father with me?

I bury my face in my hands. I’ve failed him. He didn’t just lose his father; he lost me, too. Tears flood my cheeks, and I gasp to take in a breath at my sudden realization. I have to fix this before it’s too late.Damn it!I promised no more tears today.

Arms wrap around my shoulders and waist on either side of me. “Shhh, Hope. Things will get better,” Wyatt’s mom murmurs against my hair.

My body shudders, and I take a hiccupping breath. “I need to do so much better for him.”

Clara’s arm squeezes my waist tighter. “You’re doing okay, and I think things have changed for you today. I can see the determination in your eyes.” She kisses my hair. “Small steps starting today, Hope. That’s all you can do. It’s all you can ask of yourself.”

Thank goodness for these two amazing women.

When I glance in the direction Evan went, he and Graeme are walking back toward us. I climb to my feet and tentatively make my way to them. The smile I give Graeme is shaky at best. He squeezes Evan’s shoulder, then my hand, and leaves the two of us alone with a sad smile.

In the middle of the cemetery, we stand a foot apart, but it may as well be a mile. Evan’s face is tilted toward the grass, his chest rising and falling with exaggerated breaths. I take the step needed to close the distance between us so I can wrap my arms around him, and instead of pulling away like I was scared he would, he falls against me, burrowing his face in my chest and wrapping his arms tightly around me. A sob breaks free, and his body trembles against mine.

I slip my fingers through his hair as my heart breaks for the not-so-little boy in my arms. Tears escape and track down my cheeks as we hold each other, and I kiss the top of his head, holding still, drawing in his boyish scent, as we stand quietly in each other’s arms. It’s the closest we’ve been in too long, and I make a promise to myself to hold him more. To be more present for him. To be more emotionally available and less broken.

“I’m so sorry, Ev. I’ve let you down in the worst possible way.” I kiss his hair again, then look up at the sky.God, how many times have I apologized? How many more times will I need to?

He pulls away from me slightly, and his wet eyes shatter me. “I-I-I can’t remember stuff. I’m scared I’m gonna forget him.”

I cup his freckle-covered cheeks—something he got from me. “I won’t let you forget. Things are gonna change, Ev. I promise. We’ll talk more, and I’ll share more stories about your dad.”

His body loses some of its stiffness, and he smiles sadly. “I’m sorry I’ve been a jerk. I’ve just been scared.”

“You haven’t been a jerk, Ev.” I pull him back in close. “I love you so much, baby.”

9

BEN

I’m nervous.I’m man enough to admit it.

I don’t get nervous.

And especially not for a woman.

But. Hope’s not just any woman.

As the clock ticks down to ten, the butterflies in my stomach feel more like hummingbirds. Even Rex is picking up on my nervous energy and is pacing around me like the fantastic guard dog he is.

“Are you okay?” Tori asks from behind the counter. We’ve already gone through to see the dogs and cats so she could show me which ones were suitable for the kids today.

I twist the leather band on my wrist. “Yeah, why?” I roll my eyes at myself. After two years of coming here, it’s probably obvious to her that I’m not my usual self.

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