Page 85 of Not Catching Love

“You’ve done so much for him.” I want to make sure Seven knows that I see it. “It’s my turn now.”

His short laugh is watery and full of relief. “I’d tell you good luck, but I get the feeling you won’t need it.”

“Not even a little bit.” Xander is fresh air in my life. I look at him and see a future. I see fun and talent and curiosity. My life was stale, a set of must-dos, just a bare expanse of only having getting old to look forward to.

Xander changed all that.

That’s the man I’m falling for.

“If he decides he doesn’t want to wait around for me, I’m still only a phone call away. Anything you need. The respect I have for you … like, fuck.”

He manages a half smile. “Thanks. Sometimes I feel like dirt offloading it all onto Molly.”

“Then don’t. Just call me.”

“I think I will.” He looks up suddenly. “Oh, hey. I think this is the moment I’m supposed to tell you that if you mess with him, I’ll kill you.”

“Okay, get it out of your system.”

“If you mess with him—nah, I can’t do it. We both know he’ll be the one to kill you. But I can promise to help him hide your body.”

“Noted.”

My potential death aside, I’m still reeling from this conversation. Getting to see this other side of Seven isn’t something I ever expected. I didn’t think it was possible to like him more than I did when Xander told me what Seven did for him.

Turns out I was wrong.

Xander was right though.

Seven and Molly are my people, too, now.

And I’ll do everything I can to do right by all of them.

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Xander

When I knock on Derek’s door, I’m armed with an easel, a huge pad of paper, and the type of determination I haven’t felt since I vowed to make sure that Seven and Molly got together.

If I could fight for them, why the hell can’t I fight for myself?

Because you don’t deserve Derek.

The thought hurts because, deep down, there’s something in me that believes it’s true. I refuse to play into that feeling, though, because I don’t want to be this way anymore.

He opens the door, and seeing his face is a blast of happiness. His smile is cautious, and I get it, but hopefully, I can learn how to stop it from looking like that again.

“Good morning,” I say, and he quickly steps aside to let me in.

I’m still feeling raw from the other day, and my mind hasnever been more exhausted in my life, but for the first time ever, there’s something new there too. Something that feels good.

I’ve thought a lot about what he said. I’ve thought a lot about what Sherwin, Seven, and Molly have all said. My other roommates too. All the people who care about me have been trying to tell me for so long, and I never listened.

I want to help myself … for me.

Not Derek, not Seven or Molly. I’m unhappy. So fucking deeply unhappy. For years, I had myself convinced that things were fine, that I was functioning the way I was supposed to, but it was all a lie. My angry spirals, my medical episodes, that deep need for attention that goes beyond a want and turns into a toxic rage … it’s not fun anymore.

The problem is that the attention I get from those things gives me so much dopamine it’s become an addiction.

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