Page 50 of Just Bromantically Invested

“That part is messed up, but it’s for him to work out. Not you. You’ve been friends for a really long time, you love thisguy, and it’s not the same with me and Christian, but if my boy messed up?—”

“I mess up literally always,” Christian cuts in.

“If he messed up in this kind of big-picture way, I’d hear him out. Draw some boundaries and then give him a second chance.”

“It’s not only on him though,” I explain. “I was there too. This is as much my fault as his. I don’t want that. I don’t want to become a different person just because I have feelings for him.”

“Then tell him that.”

Seven’s crouching in front of me and nods along with Gabe’s words. “The boundaries part is important. Nothing can happen while he has a girlfriend. Whether he tells her or not is up to him. All you can do is make sure he knows where you’re at with it all.”

“He’s not using you, is he?” Rush asks in a small voice.

“I don’t know what happened tonight. I don’t know where it came from. The Penn I know would never do that, but what if I don’t know him as well as I thought?”

None of them have answers for me.

We talk it out some more, and then they help me out of my clothes, wrap me tightly in a blanket, and we make it through the bottle of whiskey. Seven and Christian find their way to their rooms at some point through the night, but the rest of us pass out where we’re sitting.

Nothing is fixed, but knowing my brothers are on my side makes me hopeful that it could be.

Chapter 18

Penn

I call in sick for work the next day and stay in bed. My room is dark, my shirt stinks of stale sweat, and I know I need to get up and shower and brush my teeth, but my body is a sloppy pancake and won’t listen.

What the fuck have I done?

Madden is the single greatest thing that’s ever happened to me, and I had to go and fuck it all up. I’d say it was just for a quick orgasm, but that moment between us was so much more than that. The way my heart is aching for him is dangerous, and I’m terrified to pick up the phone and call him because I can’t stand to confirm that things have changed.

My nose itches, and I ignore it as long as I can before I give in to a half-hearted scratch.

How many people have I had sex with before? I never bothered to count, but it’s been a lot. And I’m not sure if it’sbecause Madden is a man or because it’s him, but nothing has come close to comparing to that moment.

I wish I’d touched him. I wish I knew what it felt like to have his heavy cock in my hand. Having him get me off had been something else, and I wanted to give him that same feeling.

Now … shit. I don’t even know if we’re on speaking terms. The only thing worse than calling him and things being strained is calling and having him not answer.

Madden can be as freaked-out as he likes, but I’m borderline pissed with him too. He’s my best friend. He knew that was my first time with a man, considering I’ve always thought I was straight, and he hadn’t even bothered to stick around.

He’d gotten off and bailed so fast I’m surprised there’s no Madden-shaped hole in my front door. I groan and pull the covers up over my face, wondering if there’ll ever be a time I can get my ass out of bed.

I’m hurt.

I’m angry.

I’m frustrated.

And I’m also low-key horny every time I remember the way he looked at me.

I refuse to give in to the urge to touch myself, and that’s making me even more annoyed.

Is it possible to feel betrayed after a bestie orgasm? Because I do.

Maybe I’m being too hard on Madden and expecting him to be there to talk through all these thoughts. He helped me out with the physical side of things; it’s not up to him to be my queer tour guide.

Madden’s always known he’s gay. He never exactly had a coming-out crisis because his parents didn’t care all that much, and I don’t mean about his sexuality. I mean about him. Hecame out to them, me sitting beside him, and all they’d said was to keep it quiet while he was playing ball.

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