Page 93 of Just Bromantically Invested

We?

I pull the door back open to find her and Lisa approaching.

“Oh. Hi.”

“Hey, I brought a friend.” Lana glances Lisa’s way, and she might as well have heart eyes. Lisa blushes, but I don’t say anything to either of them. Whatever the hell this is isn’t my business. As far as I know, Lisa is super conservative and straight, but … I don’t even know where I got that impression.

“… here on time,” Madden’s saying as we get back.

“If I’d let Rush keep his phone, we wouldn’t have been,” Hunter says. “He couldn’t find his brown shoes, which somehow led him to googlingSpiderwick Chroniclesand then a recipe for honey Jell-O with sour worms. I let him get so far as pulling utensils out before I intervened.”

“At least I was dressed,” Rush says with all the conviction of someone who doesn’t worry about a whole lot.

“Eh.” Madden waves a hand over himself. “That part was optional.”

A smalleepsounds behind me. Lisa’s hair is down and curly for the first time I’ve ever seen it, and her vivid blue eyes are trained on the ceiling.

“You okay?” I ask.

Lana wraps her grandma sweater further around her as she tries not to laugh. “She’s scared of snakes.”

“Snakes?” Rush asks.

“Trouser snakes.”

“Ohhh.” Rush turns and very obviously looks at Madden’s dick. “It doesn’t look like much of a snake to me. I mean, maybe if you drew eyes on it … and scales …”

“No one’s drawing on my dick.”

“I’m sure Penn wouldn’t mind,” Lana adds. “I have some art supplies in my apartment.”

“We’ll pass,” I say before anyone starts having any more ideas. I turn to Lisa and lower my voice. My first instinct is to put her at ease, but I stamp that down. This is Madden’s safe space, and I’d hate for him to feel any less than that here. “I’m actually really glad you’re here, but if this is uncomfortable for you, no one will be offended if you need to leave.”

Determination crosses her face. “No. I can handle it.”

Lana snorts. “You’ve never handled one in your life.”

Lisa goes redder, and again, I pretend not to notice.

“I have once,” Lana continues. “And you men are weird. Why would you want a dick over a pussy and tits? I don’t get it.”

“Having experienced both, I can safely say it’s not so much about his dick and everything to do with Madden.”

“Aww …” Lisa sighs before turning to my boyfriend. “I’m sorry. For what it’s worth, you have a very, uh, nice, umm—” She cuts off like she’s just realized something, and her whole face flushes red. “Member,” she squeaks.

“Member?” I know what she means, but that’s a first.

“I’m so sorry. I’m not looking—I’m trying to ease the tension, and thenthatcame out of my mouth.”

“Did you know,” Rush starts, “‘member’ came from Latin? Short for membrum virile, which is what the dick used to be called.”

Huh. That’s interesting?

“Where did pussy come from, then?” Lana asks, looking suddenly interested in the conversation.

“That doesn’t go back as far. It was originally slang for women in general but transitioned into the modern usage.”

“You mean to tell me people were going around saying, ‘See that pussy over there? She’s a nice pussy,’ in everyday conversation? Interesting.”

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